Log:Complete

[a-man-possessed.livejournal.com]

When; Last evening/night.
Rating; XXX G, for lethal sappiness.
Characters; Zappa (a_man_possessed), Yamamura Megumi (pinkenglishrose)
Summary; After an encouraging conversation with Saeph, Zappa returns to Megumi's apartment to confess his love. Seems nobody ever told him, though, about a certain fellow named Axl-Low. :<
Log;



As he strode quickly along the cobbled alleyway, Zappa could not help but beam sheepishly with delight. Excitement brimmed through his veins, his heart throbbed painfully – this was it. This was the chance he'd needed throughout his entire life. He took a deep breath of the fresh evening air. How silly his past apprehension seemed to him now as he darted from street to street, just barely holding back from breaking into a run – he could do it! Of course he could do it. The burden of unspoken love was dizzying to bear, and now... finally... he would have a chance to breathe easily. Why be ashamed? Why be frightened? There was no reason.
His eyes glistened with optimism as he approached Megumi-san's apartment building. He climbed the steps two at a time and slowed down only when he came to her door – the threshold of the home he'd stayed in for the past two weeks. Two weeks of being close to her, two weeks of her gentle care. He thought of her light laughter, her smile – blushing, shaking his head, he let himself in with the spare key.
The living room was empty, but in a moment he found her – in the garden, sitting delicately on a marble bench. Her back was to him. She appeared to be reading a book – in the light summer breeze, her dress fluttered. Her hair was draped over one shoulder, revealing the side of her pale, slender neck. For a split second Zappa felt a jolt of terror – a flit of feverish worry. Dark thoughts swarmed into his mind, unbidden, like a wave of nausea -- heheh. Idiotic boy. I can't wait to see her shocked, disgusted face – just watch how she'll recoil from you. It's worthless.
Violently shaking his head, he sighed deeply and did his best to dispel the worrisome thoughts. “Remember what Saeph said,” he murmured. Listen to what your heart tells you. He smiled. Then he rubbed his thumb against the good-luck charm on his forehead – in the shape of a pink heart. “Good luck,” he whispered, and opened the door to the garden.

While Zappa was experiencing the euphoria of first love, Megumi had been enjoying memories of a long-kept love of her own. Having been cleaning up earlier as Zappa stepped out, she had been surprised to discover an album she was certain was not here before, or at least, when she moved in. On opening it, her thoughts were confirmed-- the album contained images of herself and Ax from all the years they had spent together, and oh such memorable moments they were!

There was that image of Axl dressing up as a wolf on Halloween which her friends had taken-- just because she'd dressed up as a lady-rabbit (dear god, that was embarrassing, what was her grandmother thinking back then?) and the one where they both won the impromptu guitar playing competition (it had been so much fun sneaking out that night and she'd gotten into so much trouble but it'd been worth it..). She turned the pages, each holding a memory so fond and dear..

And her smile became more forlorn, as she touched the pages, realizing that they were never to return. That curse had seen to it, hadn't it? She'd probably never see Axl again, never be held by him, never get to hear his laugh. She hoped wherever he was, he'd be happy-- and perhaps it was all for the better, all things considered.

She blinked, startled a little when she heard the noise behind her and turned quickly, glancing over her shoulder--and found her confusion becoming joy again. "Zappa!" the name went past her lips as her gaze settled on him, and she smiled brightly as she set the album, open, to the bench and stood up, waving him over.

"Back already? I thought you were going to be out longer!" her expression became a bit troubled. "You didn't pass out or anything, did you?" not wishing to go into that possibility and just glad he'd made it back, she smiled again. "Come on in, the garden's beautiful today!"

“Thank you, I think I will,” Zappa said, smiling broadly – hoping his voice didn't sound too conspicuously tremulous. When he'd entered the garden he could barely keep his composure – but now he slowed down a bit, and tried to calm himself. It would be poor form to blurt his feelings out all of a sudden... better still to take it slowly, deliberately. Perhaps even suavely, if he could muster up the charm...
“I feel fine,” he said, addressing Megumi's query of concern. “I just thought I'd... come home a bit early.” Home. Smiling in a haze of assured bliss, Zappa stepped forward into the garden, making his way towards the wide marble bench where Megumi stood. “I encountered some very interesting people,” he explained, laughing a bit. “It's not as dangerous as I'd first fea-- thought, rather. But I wanted to... to ask you--”
Zappa paused in mid-sentence. His eyes had caught the album, lying open on the bench, filled with photographs. “Ah!” He smiled. “You keep a scrapbook, too? I didn't know!”

Megumi blinked as she watched Zappa enter, wondering if he felt alright. He did look happy, though, and as he spoke, she found herself listening intently though as soon as he made an indication of asking her something and stopped, she raised her eyebrows in questioning-- only to be distracted by his change of focus. Oh, the album! She laughed lightly and shook her head, picking up the album in her arms and smiling up at him fondly.

"I just found it while cleaning today! It's almost as if someone sent it to be from back home, though we know that isn't possible." she chuckled, and seated herself on the bench, opening the album over her lap and patting the are to the side of her as if to invite him. "Sit down, Zappa! Would you like to look?" she asked him, her blue eyes twinkling with mirth. Zappa always knew how to make her smile, he was such a gentle soul and every time she thought about what her own demons were -doing- to the boy, it made her loathe herself even more. Not in a self-destructive way, but in the way that she knew she had to realize what one mistake had inevitably caused for an innocent man.

However, she shook her head at those thoughts and turned to him, holding the book out for him to see. "Its quite a few years old, but it made me feel such a wave of nostalgia!"

With interest, Zappa seated himself on the bench next to Megumi – and, on a whim, scooted up next to her as inconspicuously as possible. His heart skipped a beat as he leaned in close to look at the album in her lap.
The pictures were of numerous things, but they all reflected happy times – groups of grinning friends posing at festivals, around restaurant tables, at the seaside, in parks... in each picture Megumi was visible as a central figure, with her familiar mirth-filled face. The clothes she wore, however, were somewhat different, and reflected a younger age.
With curiosity he continued peering at the photographs as Megumi turned the pages, narrating as she did so. He caught glimpses of concerts and parties. Though it made him happy to see Megumi smiling and laughing as she remembered the days of her past, he couldn't help but feel surprised at what he saw. For some reason he'd always imagined her, in his vague and totally unfounded idea of her childhood, as a girl who grew up alone, in some pure place... perhaps a quiet country village. But here he saw a confident teenager at home on city streets, in the company of grinning, rough young men. Strangely enough, he didn't recognize the area – it seemed at once modern and a little outdated, somehow – but he could tell it was a heavily populated metropolis.
As the pages turned, he noted that one young man recurred frequently, always by Megumi's side. He was tall and lean, and wore worn blue jeans and a long-sleeved red shirt. His long blond hair was covered, partially, with a red bandanna – but most notable of all was his exuberant grin, which shone with happiness and optimism. He seemed like a strangely charismatic person – and Zappa couldn't help but inquire after his identity.
“Megumi-san?” Carefully he pointed to the man in another group picture. “Who is this person?”

She paused as Zappa asked the question, glancing at him before turning back to look at the photos-- and to who he pointed, Megumi couldn't help but allow an unrestrained smile to spread over her face. A while had passed, truly, but nothing made her more happier than knowing, or at least understanding that wherever he was, this person had technically made her who she was. At the same time, she wondered about Zappa's reaction- she wasn't blind to the feelings the other had been harboring, though she hadn't read in too deeply for her own sake. Not only was Zappa someone she had easily grown fond of over these weeks, but he was also very troubled because of her-- indirectly, anyway. S-Ko, the others.. the poor boy suffered so much and it was all..

No, Megumi.. she thought to herself. Blaming herself now and pitying him wouldn't make matters any better-- though she knew that when his mental state grew weak, he was more susceptible to such attacks on his mind. However, she believed that her help these last few weeks wouldn't be too bad and she moved a hand up to brush her hair behind her ear.

"That's Axl. Axl Low.. " she began to explain-- then her cheeks colored and she brought a hand to the side of her face, laughing. Why was she feeling like a little girl? "He's my lov-- ah, boyfriend." feeling too shy to use that word, she opted for the safer one and turned to look back at the picture.

"I haven't seen him in a long time. We've been separated for a while." she turned a page idly, looking as though she was reminiscing the time long past. ".. if it weren't for him, I'd hardly be in any of these places. My late grandmother absolutely forbade me from meeting with him.. I didn't know at first, but he was a gang leader. And so, so gentle, Zappa, you wont believe!" she knew she was going on, but she just had to say it. "One would think person in that position to be rough and crude-- and he had his moments, but he was always looking out for me and such a gentleman. That silly thing.." her voice softened.. then she paused and blinked, laughing to herself. "Oh, listen to me, I ramble!" she turned then, placing a hand on Zappa's arm.

"You were going to tell me something, weren't you? I'm sorry we got distracted-- what did you wish to say?" she asked him, looking at him fondly now, her attention now focused on him.

He's my boyfriend.
Only those words reached Zappa clearly.

The rest of Megumi's speech seemed obscured, muffled, as if trailing off into the distance. He felt his mouth go dry. Initial shock soon gave way to grim acceptance -- of course. Of course she has a boyfriend... That cruel voice, the one that sounded like nails grating on jagged stone, resurfaced. What did you expect? I told you so, didn't I. Pathetic! She would never want a fool like you. Zappa squeezed his eyes closed, trying to shut out the strange words. He had these thoughts sometimes – bizarre thoughts, thoughts he couldn't imagine thinking normally, that just came to him.

He sighed. Megumi still talked on, smiling pleasantly, obviously reveling in her precious memories of that man – Axl. Zappa looked down at the still-open album. Of course. It was too obvious, now that he knew – the way they were always side by side, shoulders touching, arms entwined -- and here, in this shot, instead of looking to the camera, Megumi was smiling up at him...

Zappa felt a wave of dizziness which he hurriedly tried to overcome. He looked to Megumi. Her smile was pristine and placid. She laughed slightly, still gazing down at the photos – and then she turned instead to him, smiling apologetically this time, and with one soft hand she touched his shoulder gently.
He was at a loss as to what to say. His earlier thoughts – carefully constructed speeches, endearments, confessions – came tumbling down around him like a house of cards.

But the emotion he felt was strange. He felt defeated, yes... but not angry. As he looked at Megumi, he could not feel any resentment against this man – the man who made her smile this way, the man she loved. If Megumi loved him, then, surely...if he made her happy, then what was there to be upset about?

But he could not imagine letting his unsaid words die. Even if he knew it was futile – she still deserved to know. Perhaps if he told her, it wouldn't hurt any longer...
“Megumi-san...” He did his best to smile. “I've wandered a lot throughout my life, searching for things that are constant. But no place seemed like a 'home,' to me, I couldn't find anywhere I really wanted to stay for the rest of my life. But, today... the thought occurred to me that even though we're stuck here against our will, even though this is sometimes a horrible place, I really feel happy now. My problems aren't over, but they seem easier to bear... because of your help, Megumi-san.” He paused. He couldn't bear to look at her, afraid of what he would see – but he forced himself to continue. “I'm in love with you... Megumi. I need to tell you, even though I know that you can't return... these feelings... but please believe me, I understand. I'm so happy that you have someone that you cherish so much. And I hope that I can still be with you, even if... it won't be...” Zappa trailed off. Beyond those words lay strange emotions that he couldn't quite convey, no matter how hard he tried to think of an appropriate phrase. He gave up, it was no use – and, bowing his head, he waited for Megumi's response.

Megumi had in all honesty been expecting it, but at the level of expression that it had come, was something she had not mentally prepared herself for. When she'd turned to look up at Zappa, she'd caught the strangely sickened expression on his face before it had melded into confusion; and she'd worried for that brief instant if he was going to have another spell. However, that fear was quelled, only to be replaced with a certain discomfort when she realized where Zappa's thoughts had gone.

The smile faded from her lips, slowly changing that pleased expression to something that wasn't quite so disgusted or uncomfortable as it was thoughtful. Her hand never moved off his shoulder, though a torrent of emotions ran through her at the words he finally confessed, each thought more strange and accusatory than the other.

You knew what he was going through. You knew it and you still lead him on, when you should have told him! she found herself thinking. Her mind traveled back to a conversation she had had with Dr. Faust when she'd first arrived here, and he had requested Zappa not find out or be told where he was. While she knew it most certainly did not mean that he was afraid of curing Zappa and having the worry of him falling in love with him (there were worse things, she supposed)--- and she realized the small mistake she had made. She'd been trying to make him braver.. and while he certainly was courageous for coming up with the guts to express these feelings, the impact of having them brought down would be terrible on him.

And then, she saw the way his head lowered, that sadness in his eyes and the words he said, and her heart ached. While she loved Axl dearly, still did regardless of their distance in time and space-- Zappa was very much her priority if only because he was possessed by her negative conscience. However, in the time she'd spent with him, had he not become a dear friend? These weeks had seemed endless, yet even beautiful, charming and exciting because of everyone. She'd made friends, but Zappa was the one who took so much care to not stress and trouble her, and she would almost have put off his 'love' for an infatuation and gratitude.

But she didn't; it'd be too cruel to him. Who was she to judge? And so.. as the silence grew between them, she moved her hand off his arm and to his face, her fingers hesitantly but calmingly, touching his cheek and making him face up. "Zappa... look at me." she began, in a soft voice, as she lowered her hand to his right.. and held it in both her own, gazing at him calmly.

"I am flattered, and honored, that you would think me worthy of your feelings. I truly am." her words were gentle and sincere. "And if you think for a moment that I would think badly of you because of them, enough to drive you away from somewhere you have most comfort, you're mistaken." here, she gave him a quiet smile. "I haven't seen Axl in long time. I don't expect to. But if he were around, believe me when I say that even he would be flattered you cared for me this much."

She chuckled softly then, touching the back of his hand with her fingers. "I'm sorry if it isn't possible to reciprocate the feelings you have. But know that you're very cherished to me." I've wronged you twice now, haven't I? "And I do not just say that because of what you said. I say it because I mean it."

She let the silence linger, before she moved a hand to the side of his face and finally asked the question she hoped, would confirm that, as well as her feelings on the matter. The assurance that she wouldn't ever turn him away.. ".. will you stay with me.. Zappa-kun?"

Stunned and breathless, Zappa sat quietly. He'd anticipated a few possible responses – most of them involving embarrassment, awkward silences, and avoiding eye contact – but this was something he had not quite expected.
The situation was surreal. He tried to comprehend what Megumi was saying -- she was flattered that he thought her... worthy of his feelings?-- but all rational thought ceased as, comforted by her warm words, Zappa gave in to the disoriented fever of love. There were no doubts in his mind. He could almost taste the sincerity in her voice – she was telling the truth! – it barely mattered to him that she was, after all, in all technicalities, rejecting his confession. What was important to him was that she understood -- she truly understood those unspoken feelings to which had tried so hard to give life, through his words. To him, that simple connection was more important, at the moment, than any future possibility. He sighed happily – realizing that he had nothing to fear. Megumi would always be her kind self. He could be sure of that.
Her fingertips felt warm on his cheek. Slowly, he raised his hand and touched them, cupping her hand in his. He smiled and closed his eyes.
“Megumi-san... I will stay with you, if you'll have me.”

"Of course I'll have you, Zappa. You make me happy. And above all, we're still friends, aren't we?" she smiled at him, her gaze soft. Though she did flush lightly when his warm hand came over hers. She did like him, perhaps not in the way she loved Axl, but there was no doubt that protecting him gave her a small sense of strength. And she knew that despite all, she would find a way to help Zappa and she would bet her life on it.

For now though, she liked what she had already, and she trailed a thumb over his cheek, watching his face and feeling a slight sense of relief pass over her heart. So understanding and so considerate, had times been different, she'd have willingly said yes. It wasn't even a reluctant refusal, she knew what she had and there was no way she'd give it up, but of course, there were always thoughts about possibilities..

"Perhaps it would be improper of me to do this now, but.. I think you deserve it. " saying those words and allowing Zappa's confusion to reign, she smiled and slipped up closer, sliding her fingers under his chin and another drawing his face in closer-- and closed the space between them with a quiet, undemanding and gentle kiss. He could pull away if he wanted, she kept it light enough to allow that, but close enough to continue if he so desired.

With this, I wish you luck, Zappa. May your feelings find someone who are truly worthy of them..

Zappa's eyes fluttered open as Megumi spoke. Friends – yes – that was more than enough for him. The happiness he'd shared with her was sweet enough – what more could he ask for?... yes, he could be happy like this...
The kiss caught him off-guard. He barely had time to sort out his confused thoughts before Megumi had softly moved up against him, her eyes closing. He didn't move away – he didn't move at all as her lips touched his, gently, innocently, infused with Megumi's beautiful purity.
It was too much. His heart pounded. He felt his head swim as dizziness overtook him and he collapsed against Megumi's shoulder, murmuring a quiet but unintelligible phase before he passed out, overcome by sweet bliss.