tampered | (no subject)

(no subject)

When; Early afternoon, September 24th
Rating; No more than PG
Characters; Anita

notapreacher
Summary; Can two people that love the same person really get along twice?
Log;

As agreed, Anita's waiting for her company at the cafe. She's perched at the edge of her chair, more on edge than she'll ever admit to being, what with the smell of the blood so thick in the air. Her handheld is in her hands and she's busy checking up on friends and loved ones as she waits. Every now and again, she looks up and scans the room. She might not be on call right now, but as always, she's watchful.

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Isn't that a nice arrangement, then.

"Both of them, huh? Good for you. I can do casual, but I'm not polyamorous. If that sounds like a contradiction in terms it isn't: I can be in casual relationships unless I'm actually... in love. Once that happens, I'm screwed."

With that he laughs and shrugs. "I don't know what's going to happen. The situation's tricky. But... I'd like to meet Cloud too."

Find out who else's toes he's stepping on unintentionally.

"If you think it wouldn't be too weird for him. I promise I'm not some predator or some opportunist. I'm actually really shy."

Anita doesn't need to know why.

"Not really. I love a lot of people and sometimes.... it's at the expense of other things. It's hard and sometimes, it's flat out painful."

She doesn't say who it hurts the most. No, instead, she raises an idle finger to trace patterns against the tabletop.

".... I'll talk to Cloud and see what he wants to do, but he's pretty shy himself. Since you came into the picture, he's started with withdraw from both of us. Lestat and I can handle the potential for hurt this situation has, but him? Well, he'll handle it by fading away and leaving. I don't want to see that happen. He deserves better."

A fierce glint shines in Anita's eyes. She's protective of those in her heart, but that's especially true of the ones that don't seem to protect themselves.

There's really only one thing to say to that.

"I'm sorry."

Again, he has to ask himself what he's doing. Why he's doing it. Where the idea came from and whether or not he ought to just... fade away. Make his own deal with the deities not for life, but for clarity.

He's never been very good at that kind of thing.

"Everyone deserves better." The situation, really, is impossible and he's smart enough to recognize that.

"... almost no one gets what they really deserve in life, Gren, be it good or bad."

Her coffee is forgotten for a moment as she drums her fingers on the table.

"There's really no need to be sorry. You're right about him. He needs a lot of love and we can't really pick and choose who we end up loving in the end."

This is a depressing turn of events. But it's like he told himself: he's already addicted to it and he won't go through withdrawal again. He's been in tougher situations than this and gotten through them: this is more a question of logistics than anything.

"And we can't pick and choose who he ends up loving either."

And that's the real sticking point. Lestat will get bored with him eventually and he knows it. He knows that right now he's the new distraction but still... still, he goes back for more.

He can't help it.

"And this has been... an illuminating lunch. Although we haven't eaten: did you want something?"

He's being kind of a lousy date.

"... no. It's almost like you didn't want me to tell you how I felt about all this. You don't seem to realize that I think he already loves you. If he didn't, I wouldn't even be here wanting to make sure you knew how the rest of us felt because he won't tell you. I want to be honest with you, like I am with all my friends, and yes, I'd like to be friends with you, but I won't pull any bones about it. I always say what's on my mind. It's a sucky character flaw that's got me in a lot of hot water before."

She's leaning in close, expression serious.

He's being studied. That makes him so uncomfortable and he wonders: is he supposed to sit here and let it happen? It's like he's on Pluto all over again, drugs flooding through his veins, the military doctors peering down at him taking notes and for a minute it fills him with this complete and irrational panic.

But he swallows it back because now's not the time or the place and he really doesn't want Anita to see it or smell fear on him.

"What do you want me to say to that? Of course you should be honest and say what's on your mind. Be honest with me: I would never ask for anything else. I would never expect anything else."

He doesn't go quite so far as to offer up complete and total honesty to her, though. There are some secrets he's willing to share with Lestat, but... not with Anita. They're none of her business.

She can tell her attention makes him uncomfortable so she leans back and averts her gaze. There's a moment of silence to break the tension as she finally starts working on her coffee again.

"Good. I want you to be honest with me, too. If there's anything you want to say, then say it."

Some day he'll take Anita for a long walk, somewhere private, just the two of them, and share stories with her. But it isn't going to happen today: this isn't the time or the place, and he doesn't know her well enough and even if he did he might not share a tenth of what he's told Lestat. The past three years taught him the implied value in keeping things hidden, in sliding by under the radar. It wasn't fun for him to see his face plastered all over the TV screens with his bounty doubled.

And he was so close to getting away. Just a few more days, that's all he needed but no, he let pride and anger and the need for revenge and the quest for answers get all jumbled in his mind. And it wasn't just in those last few days: that deal took months to orchestrate.

What was he thinking?

That's all water under the bridge, though: it brought him here and like everything else, he has to deal with the consequences... but not at Anita's expense.

She wants honesty? She can have it.

"I like you. I don't know. Part of me thinks it would be easier if I could be more antagonistic about things, more protective of the situation or something. But I can't. It doesn't make any sense, but it's the way things are. I ought to be jealous."

Sitting back again, he grins. "So how screwed up is that? I don't know. I just don't know. I feel like I'm caught in the undertow and can't break free, but I like the pulse of it all enough to just close my eyes and let that go."

"It isn't screwed up at all, really."

She glances down with a soft sigh, hands stilling on her cup.

Where he comes from it is, but he's not going to press the point to Anita. If they can both accept the status quo... or at least if he can talk himself into accepting it, then that'll be a victory.

Maybe it's time to call this non-lunch over, let her be on her way. He still has Machi to catch up with: he promised. Digging into his pocket, he comes up with a yellow and an orange and sets the coins down on the table: that ought to cover it with plenty to spare.

He's always been generous to a fault in situations like this.

"I'm glad you don't think it is. Maybe I'll be able to get around to that point of view one of these days myself." After a final sip of tea, he sets his cup down. To say this has been interesting would be an understatement.

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