ext_265180 (![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
thunderwitch.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
tampered2008-10-03 09:25 pm
thunderwitch.livejournal.com) wrote in tampered2008-10-03 09:25 pm
Log; Complete; Backdated
When; Sept. 29th [backdated; before Cirucci's deity deal]
Rating; PG
Characters; Cirucci [![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
thunderwitch] & Alfons [opfern]
Summary; Without her powers Cirucci's attempts to fade into rot and obscurity are foiled by running in to Alfons in the street. PA behavior and manic tendencies to follow. Also: Fucking tl;dr
Log;
She was dying. She was certain, she had to be dying, to be this miserable.
Cirucci Thunderwitch had become nothing. Nothing made her different. No bone mask spiked in her hair, no uniform, no power, no blade… she was mortal in every sense, and she was useless in every use of the word.
If someone lives their life able to see, and then loses that ability, they feel dead to the world. And the Privaron Espada had spent her life, her unlife, able to feel the energy of those around her. Without that ability, only a small portion of her abilities, gone? She felt dead. Looking around, she couldn’t tell where people were. Couldn’t rely on knowing things, on being able to defend herself, even…
Walking through the streets, hair down, eyes darting, she couldn’t even call herself a former Arrancar.
>>>
It was important for him to not let the loneliness drag him down. He had been doing rather well for awhile, or so he'd thought, before Cirucci suddenly disappeared. It was startling, really...because she had been one of the few constants in City life for him. Edward appeared and left over and over again, as did everyone else, but somehow Cirucci was always present.
And she'd actually announced her departure, which was even more unusual. It had left Alfons suspicious, but he had merely thought it a bluff, and wished her well. Had he known she was serious... What would he have done differently?
It was even worse since Kimblee's jabs. How could such a man get under his skin? This wasn't some school yard. Alfons could recognize when someone was intentionally taunting him, and even though he didn't let himself react out loud, the barbs stuck to him.
Drinking by oneself can hardly be called company.
He could only express severe sympathy to the Lieutenant for having to put up with such a pig. Why did she put up with him? Because of his strength? Alfons would have paid to see Edward teach him a lesson before departing for the upteenth time.
Rubbing at one of his eyes, he tried to stifle a yawn as he trudged home from work, trying to remember how he was supposed to get that wine stain out of his apron. Was it soda water? Or bleach? Uch... He was really losing it.
Something out of the corner of his eye made him pause, and Alfons had to blink and do a double take. The hair had seemed so familiar, but...that was it. It was just as he was looking away that the familiar scent caught his nose, and he stopped completely. He had certainly spent enough time around her and her apartment... It had to just be a coincidence, but still Alfons found himself turning to reach out and grab her, not even having the heart to call her name if he was wrong.
>>>
It was sort of helpless of her, that she couldn’t even operate without the senses she was so used to. The touch on her shoulder caught her off guard, but she reacted strongly. Who would-
A shinigami? One of the other Arrancar?
Him?
In that split second she went over all the possibilities. One of the shinigami… the tenth’s captain, probably, come to drag her off- Kill her? No, they wouldn’t, not when she was like this, they were too “above that”. But capture, experimentation- Maybe. One of the Arrancar… For all she knew, more had shown up, she couldn’t tell. Nnoitra, again? That would only end in her pain and humiliation. Aizen-sama? Please, no, not with her like this. Ishida? No, no, it had better not be, because this pain in her body, tormenting her with it’s dull, heavy feeling, was all his fault, and she could feel his throat under her hands yet, and-
“… Alfons?”
She hadn’t meant to say it out loud. Meant to bolt, before he recognized fully, but she froze instead.
>>>
It was rather surreal to see her face staring up at him like that, as if she'd been expecting execution--or worse. What was she...doing here? Rather, what was she doing here looking like that? There hadn't been a curse going on that day, he would have known before even getting to work.
His throat clenched up, and he immediately let her go, not wanting to get a broken wrist for annoying her or anything. ...She definitely looked different, though. As if she'd been attenting a funeral...or getting ready for her own.
"C-Cirucci..." Still in shock, he found himself tripping over his own words as he gawked down at her. "What are you... What's going on?"
>>>
Her mouth moved uselessly a moment, about to form a word, but she failed miserably. Damn it, damn it, damn it. Black dress, knee length, so much longer than normal. Hair down, curled about her face, and lacking the distinctive bone spike on her skull. Less make up, less… her.
“… I-“ She fumbled over it, then bolted.
>>>
Alfons was too startled at first to move, only to realize she was disappearing, and he had to make sure that hadn't been some kind of bizarre hallucination. ...Why he would be hallucinating about Cirucci looking like that, he hadn't a clue, but he'd been called crazy before. But really, if she was trying to get away, he didn't stand a chance in Hell at catching up to her, did he?
But he ran anyway, muttering out half-hearted apologies as he shoved his way through the thinning crowd. He was shocked to find she was still in his sights. And even more shocked when he was actually closing in. Still, even if he didn't technically need to breathe, this was wearing on his lungs, and every step only made it worse.
Finally rounding a corner, Alfons actually tripped over his own feet in his sudden attempt to slow down when he discovered he was about to run right into her. Completely not expecting to catch up to her so fast, or at all really, he reached out to grab her again in the hopes her strength would keep him steady, but there was yet another surprise waiting for him.
They both went down.
>>>
They did indeed.
She had no strength in her body any more. Without the strength of being Arrancar, without the reiatsu, the blade, the pride wrapping up the rotting package, she was left with only the rot. No more strength than a regular dead soul, corrupted, the chain normally anchored in their chests rotted away to show only a gaping hole in hers. She had the strength of a woman all of five feet and a bit, thin and lithe, but no stamina, because she hadn’t worked for anything beyond her own powers.
A hiss grit out of her lips when she hit the ground, body curled in reflexively, Things hurt so much more like this. A fall like this- It wouldn’t have even scratched her hierro. But she didn’t have that anymore, to stop the skin from bruising, or bleeding.
“Fuck-“ But she still sounded the same, grit her curses out the same, trying to drag herself up, was she tangled in him, pulling herself to hands and knees.
>>>
As they went down, Alfons did his best not to land on her, trying to twist away and use his arms to block her from him. It didn't work as well as he would have liked, and he wondered why he was needing to worry about her safety at all. He had just...knocked Cirucci Thunderwitch down. He couldn't recall anything happening like this before.
With a wince and a cough, Alfons pulled his scraped palms away from the ground and tried to stand as well, taking her arm to help her up merely out of habit--habit with normal girls. "Sorry! I'm sorry. I didn't expect...to catch up so quickly, and I tripped." Stating the obvious. Moving on!
...To what? This was Cirucci, right? She smelled the same, sounded the same, and looked the same. Remotely. Not letting her arm go once they were up, he tilted his head to get a better look at her. There was so much that was different about her, but he might as well have been a blind man for all he seemed to care. He cracked a grin, though he was winded enough to make it look like a grimace, before he pulled her into a hug.
"I didn't think I'd see you again! Did you leave and come back? What on earth happened?"
>>>
It would be disgusting for her to try that gambit again, running. She straightened with his help, smoothed her dress down, fussing over it to buy her time, but she couldn’t fuss long before he hugged her, and she didn’t even want to bother trying to struggle away from that either. The difference in strength… from superhuman to weak as a babe, so it seemed to her, it had to be noticeable. She had never been gentle, and yet any touch or movement was so meek she might as well be.
“…” Concentrate. How to handle- She couldn’t admit it.
He shot me. That bastard-
But it wasn’t his fault. It was Cirucci Thunderwitch’s fault, but being so weak.
“… Can’t I take a vacation?”
>>>
"...A vacation? You announced you were leaving the City. If you wanted a vacation, you could have just gone to the beach." Immediately aware that she wasn't pushing him away, he awkwardly let her go and stepped back. "...And you look different." In too many ways to count, and Alfons wasn't going to state the obvious by pointing them out.
"And I knocked you over. What's going on? Are you under a curse? I know there isn't a City one going on, but...did someone do this to you?" Miss Jeane would know a lot more about that sort of thing, if it was a spell. He wished she was still around.
>>>
“What are you talking about?” She’d always been the queen of denial, the 105th Arrancar. Privaron Espada. Her voice barely trembled, hands fisting tight before she fussed over her clothes again, bending a bit, hair hiding her face, but it made the lack of ivory bone against dark hair all the more noticeable.
“Do I look cursed to you?” Of course she did. Her knee was bleeding. Cirucci Thunderwitch did not bleed from something so little.
>>>
Alfons hesitated as he glanced her over again. She was a mess, and he hadn't really made it any better by flattening her to the sidewalk. Of course he knew that Cirucci was too proud to admit something was going wrong, and trying to force her to come to terms with it right then wouldn't do a bit of good.
As confused and alarmed as he was, he had to shift his priorities. If she wanted to act like this was normal, then fine. He would treat her like she had always been human. Because that was how she appeared to him right then.
"It seems you got a little scraped up. We should clean that. Have you eaten?" Where was she staying? Not in the same old apartment, right? Surely he would have run into her sooner...
>>>
“So many questions.” She laughed, hollow, tossing her hair. “You’d act like you had to watch me die or something.” What a silly thing… caring.
“No, I’ve not eaten.” And she did have a hungry look about her. Edgy. Lean. Needy hungry. She couldn’t sense souls, let alone consume them any longer. And she was mortal now, but she still needed food like that to survive, and she’d lost more weight. At least, it appeared as if she could have. Lips licked, passingly.
“I moved.” To avoid reprisal.
>>>
His brow furrowed a bit at her commentary, but tried to stay focused on the topic at hand. "...Couldn't you have just told me you were moving? Good Lord, you had to be so dramatic about it." But obviously there had to be some reason behind it, because she did look awful.
Why hadn't she been eating? Not that he condoned her...diet, but he was still startled she wasn't eating souls. Did that have something to do with how easy it was to knock her over?
"Why don't we get you something to eat? Something to tide you over."
>>>
“I wanted some alone time, tch.” Hair tossed with the lie, as if that could distract from it. Since when did Cirucci Thunderwitch like to be alone, alone with that incessant tick-tock-tick driving her mad. But she couldn’t tell if it was that, or the oppressive loss of energy that made her more insane.
“Lead the way, then.” She fully expected to take advantage. She didn’t have any money, never used it, always took, but she couldn’t like this, and yet… she still hadn’t made any effort to procure anyway. Still above her, despite her fall.
>>>
Alfons raised an eyebrow, able to see through her lie all too easily, but knowing he couldn't get it out of her if she didn't want to talk. Instead he just glanced down to her knee, reaching up to touch her shoulder as he moved to 'lead the way', as she put it.
"Can you walk? What did you want to eat?"
>>>
“Can I walk.” She scoffed, rolling her eyes and fussing with her clothes, not bothering to remove his hand. It had been too long between seeing someone, to push away.
“Don’t even ask such stupid things, just lead!”
>>>
With a sigh, Alfons dropped his hand and nodded, checking his watch as he turned. "It's still early enough to catch dinner at most restaurants." Though she would probably go right for the dessert menu.
...She really didn't look very presentable for most places, especially scraped up, but he didn't want to risk insulting her by bringing it up like that. Instead he just tried to think of what was nearby and cheap. Most cafes would be closed, wouldn't they? There was no way he was bringing her to where he worked.
>>>
“…” The idea that she wasn’t presentable had crossed her mind, but not in that context. She wasn’t presentable like this as a mortal, without the bone mask in her hair, her white uniform, her blade at her side.
Eyes hardened at the thought, easily interpreted as being directed at him.
>>>
He was constantly glancing back at her, just to make sure she was still there and not trying to run again, so it wasn't long before he noticed her glare, and cleared his throat. "What? You don't want a restaurant? I'm afraid my kitchen isn't exactly well stocked. It's been awhile since I've eaten."
Without someone to provide meals for, he'd sort of gotten out of the habit of cooking, since it wasn't like he technically needed to eat. The most he had was a snack here and there.
>>>
“Nothing.” She dismissed the questions with a wave of her hand, following a step behind. But she did have a lost look about her, something odd and misplaced, but not quite describable. She hadn’t been eating either, but that was because of an inability, not a choice.
>>>
Looking back ahead of him, the silence that followed felt more than awkward. It felt hollow. He could hardly hear the sound of chattering people about them as they walked, as if they were in their own, incredibly depressing bubble.
What happened to her? He wanted to know. Wanting to know things was in his blood, and he still had trouble putting a cap on his curiosity. Though this...was more concern than anything.
Alfons spotted a bar just a couple buildings down and smiled again. They ought to have some food there, and it didn't look upscale enough for them to look out of place. But he supposed he'd look out of place anywhere, still in his uniform.
He winced at the loudness as he opened the door, then stepped in to hold it open for her.
>>>
She was silent as the grave, already one foot in anyway, eyes half unfocused when she wasn’t making effort to focus on something, following by simply staring at his back. She stepped past him in to the restaurant without word or pause, taking a seat and nestling, hands twined.
>>>
Alfons felt more than a little uncomfortable with the situation, simply because Cirucci was acting so strange, he wasn't sure how to conduct himself with her. He'd do his best to act like this was normal, and that she was just another human girl...but she wasn't.
Sitting across from her, he flagged down a waitress to ask if they had anything other than simple snacks, and got a small menu in response. Turning it around to hold out in front of her, he tried to smile again. "Order anything you want. It doesn't have the selection of a full restaurant, but it's got enough."
>>>
“I’m not hungry.” She smirked, lying through her teeth. Hands tap tap tapped on the table, nails scraping and arching. “Unless you have a soul you’d like to throw away?”
Nervous, in case the others would be around, in case a true Arrancar saw her here, her eyes darted about. A hand moved over her hair, the spot blank of a mask fragment.
>>>
Alfons glanced to her hands, then back to her face with a sigh. "You know I'm not going to do that. You knew we were going to a restaurant, and it would be a waste not to eat something." Pulling the menu back towards himself, he gave it a glance over before handing it back to the waitress. "Can we just try the sampler platter, the brownie and vanilla ice cream, and..."
He glanced to the drink menu. "A Hefeweizen for me, and just...a...Shirley Temple for her? Thank you." He smiled a little more brightly at the waitress to put her at ease before she left, and he sighed as he looked back to Cirucci.
"And must you talk about eating souls around the people who are bringing us our food?"
>>>
“You got cockier without me?” Another shallow smirk. “Ordering and everything.” But her heart- literally- wasn’t in it.
“Why?” The Arrancar was fastly moving to a bratty, bitchy, mood. Attempting to drive him away. Regretting even letting him see her like this-
“They look like food, still. Even if I can’t eat-“
>>>
"Well you weren't ordering, so you didn't leave me much choice. Besides, I've cooked for you enough to know what you favor." Alfons was starting to get irritated, but he tried to keep a check on it. Cirucci always acted snippity when something was wrong, and he was doing his best to figure out what that was, but...
"...Can't?" He blinked and stared in surprise, leaning back a bit. "You can't eat souls anymore?"
>>>
“…” Lips thinned, firmed, and she leaned back in her seat, legs crossing, uncrossing, and hands clenching hard in her lap.
“Excuse you?”
>>>
Alfons watched her reaction carefully, rolling it all over in his head. She looked like a widow, was hiding from everyone, couldn't run very fast, obviously didn't have any strength, and couldn't eat souls? What did that mean? Was she really just a human now? The very concept left him so shocked he couldn't even think up a reply.
So he just glanced towards the bar as the waitress set down their drinks and walked off again. Asking her probably wouldn't get a very good reaction, at least not yet. He'd either have to wait, or find someone else who would know what was going on. Someone who knew about Arrancar, but wouldn't use the information against Cirucci.
...That left very few options.
Shifting, Alfons cleared his throat and picked up his beer for a sip as he tried to redirect the conversation. "Ciro hasn't seen you in awhile. You should come visit."
>>>
Slowly, very slowly, she started to flush. Muscles tightened, spine straightened, and her jaw grit. How dare he- How dare he? Even knowing that there was something wrong, even knowing that she was weak, that she was starving- rotting- He blithely continued on?
A contradiction. She wanted it ignored, and wanted it pointed out.
“Fuck you, Alfons.” The Privaron stood abruptly, knocked over the glass, and made to storm out.
>>>
Alfons flushed at the stares they got, not really sure what to do at first before standing to go after her. Catching her wrist at the door, he kept his voice as quiet as possible, though still loud enough to be heard over bar chatter.
"What exactly do you expect me to do, Cirucci? I thought you were gone for good, then you show up again and everything's different. Why don't you take a moment to consider just how shocking this is for me? I'm trying to make you feel comfortable, and you're tripping me at every turn!"
>>>
“How shocking it is for you?” She spat, flat out laughing, short, barking laughs. “You’re not the one powerless right now.” Evident in the fact that he was able to hold her there at the door in the first place.
“You’re not the one who had that damn sword shoved through your chest- You’re not the one who lost anything!” Voice rising hysterically, she jerked at his hold.
“So let go of me!”
>>>
And Alfons did let go, partially out of surprise from her story, partially because the last thing he needed was to look like he was physically abusing an innocent woman.
Sword? What happened? Who had she fought? A shinigami? She had fought them before, and hadn't lost all of her powers. The confusion wasn't getting any better with the clues she kept letting slip. It only made it worse, and it felt like her anguish was magnifying his.
Stepping out onto the sidewalk, he shouted in an attempt to make her hear him, to maybe listen for once as she stormed away. "I lost you! How can you say that isn't everything to me?!"
>>>
She had started to storm off, hair tossed back behind her, but froze, complete stop, flushing further at his shouting. Shoulders rose, hands curled in to fists and nails dug in.
“I can’t deal with you.” Hissed, barely audible from where he was standing. “I can’t deal with that shit, Alfons. I didn’t want to hear it when I was an Arrancar, and I still don’t want to hear it.”
>>>
He had to strain to hear, but rather than feeling hurt, it just made him more angry. "Can't deal with me? Can't deal with me? What do you think I'm trying to do here?! I'm trying to help you! I'm trying to figure out what's wrong so that I can help!"
Alfons moved away from the door so that he didn't feel the need to shout, though his tone was still definitely louder than normal. "If you don't want to think of it as help, then think of it as assisting. Clearly you're dealing with something, and you don't seem to be dealing with it very well on your own. Why even bother going with me to a restaurant if you didn't want something to eat, or the company? It's one thing to be fickle, but this is a little much."
>>>
“…” Lip bit, and her nails dug in further.
“I don’t want help. I never fucking wanted help! I never wanted this- I never wanted any of it!” Her lips twisted then, in fury.
“I’d rather be dead than live like this.” A morbid omission, but it was true, true to the core. Goddamn them all, but she’d rather be dead than continue like this, but-
“But no matter how many goddamn times I die, I’ll fucking come back. I’ll come back like this, this disgusting mortal piece of shit. This isn’t fickle. This is-“ She didn’t even know.
>>>
Morbid, yes, but Alfons could sympathize to a certain degree. There were many times where he had seriously thought that death was better than this pit. He had hoped each time that maybe the next death would be the last, but it never was. He knew exactly what it was to lose everything, but he chose to keep his mouth shut. Because she wouldn't care. She never did, unless it was her own problem.
Clenching his jaw, Alfons shut his eyes for a moment to think. "Fine. It's awful. I understand that. But what, exactly, do you hope to accomplish by hiding from everyone and complaining about how terrible it is? The best you can do is make the most of it. Learn to become stronger with that body, or maybe try some research on how to regain some of your powers. If you don't want help, then fine. I'll leave and pretend I didn't see you, and I won't look at you again the next time I do run into you. But don't cover your face and act like you no longer exist, because you do, and you have to deal with it!"
>>>
“Don’t talk like you know what’s happened to me- Like you know how this feels.” She snarled, but she quickly let that die. The last thing she wanted to hear was how concerned he was, how he wanted her to share, that only made it more annoying, made it hurt more.
“Just-“ Eyes squeezed shut, and couldn’t feel anything. Just nothing, no reiatsu, no nothing.
“You didn’t see me.”
>>>
The urge to snap back with his own retort was strong. No, obviously he didn't know exactly how she felt, but he knew how he felt when everything was lost. But again, he kept his temper in check. Cirucci didn't listen to people. She just didn't.
Eyes narrowed and averted, Alfons couldn't even think of anything to say politely in response to that. He wouldn't say goodbye, that was for certain. She didn't want him to have seen her? Then he wouldn't see her.
It was with a ragged sigh that he simply turned around and walked in the opposite direction.
>>>
It was a long moment she stood there, watching him go. If any part of her realized that the one person who might love a beast like her was leaving, walking away, there was no indication of it on her face. A slight, blank look, just staring at his back. A part of her did know that something was walking away from her. An opportunity, a chance, a hope, an open doorway, and she stood and watched it pass her by.
Cirucci Thunderwitch loved the trappings of her past more than she could love anything else.
Rating; PG
Characters; Cirucci [
thunderwitch] & Alfons [opfern] Summary; Without her powers Cirucci's attempts to fade into rot and obscurity are foiled by running in to Alfons in the street. PA behavior and manic tendencies to follow. Also: Fucking tl;dr
Log;
She was dying. She was certain, she had to be dying, to be this miserable.
Cirucci Thunderwitch had become nothing. Nothing made her different. No bone mask spiked in her hair, no uniform, no power, no blade… she was mortal in every sense, and she was useless in every use of the word.
If someone lives their life able to see, and then loses that ability, they feel dead to the world. And the Privaron Espada had spent her life, her unlife, able to feel the energy of those around her. Without that ability, only a small portion of her abilities, gone? She felt dead. Looking around, she couldn’t tell where people were. Couldn’t rely on knowing things, on being able to defend herself, even…
Walking through the streets, hair down, eyes darting, she couldn’t even call herself a former Arrancar.
>>>
It was important for him to not let the loneliness drag him down. He had been doing rather well for awhile, or so he'd thought, before Cirucci suddenly disappeared. It was startling, really...because she had been one of the few constants in City life for him. Edward appeared and left over and over again, as did everyone else, but somehow Cirucci was always present.
And she'd actually announced her departure, which was even more unusual. It had left Alfons suspicious, but he had merely thought it a bluff, and wished her well. Had he known she was serious... What would he have done differently?
It was even worse since Kimblee's jabs. How could such a man get under his skin? This wasn't some school yard. Alfons could recognize when someone was intentionally taunting him, and even though he didn't let himself react out loud, the barbs stuck to him.
Drinking by oneself can hardly be called company.
He could only express severe sympathy to the Lieutenant for having to put up with such a pig. Why did she put up with him? Because of his strength? Alfons would have paid to see Edward teach him a lesson before departing for the upteenth time.
Rubbing at one of his eyes, he tried to stifle a yawn as he trudged home from work, trying to remember how he was supposed to get that wine stain out of his apron. Was it soda water? Or bleach? Uch... He was really losing it.
Something out of the corner of his eye made him pause, and Alfons had to blink and do a double take. The hair had seemed so familiar, but...that was it. It was just as he was looking away that the familiar scent caught his nose, and he stopped completely. He had certainly spent enough time around her and her apartment... It had to just be a coincidence, but still Alfons found himself turning to reach out and grab her, not even having the heart to call her name if he was wrong.
>>>
It was sort of helpless of her, that she couldn’t even operate without the senses she was so used to. The touch on her shoulder caught her off guard, but she reacted strongly. Who would-
A shinigami? One of the other Arrancar?
Him?
In that split second she went over all the possibilities. One of the shinigami… the tenth’s captain, probably, come to drag her off- Kill her? No, they wouldn’t, not when she was like this, they were too “above that”. But capture, experimentation- Maybe. One of the Arrancar… For all she knew, more had shown up, she couldn’t tell. Nnoitra, again? That would only end in her pain and humiliation. Aizen-sama? Please, no, not with her like this. Ishida? No, no, it had better not be, because this pain in her body, tormenting her with it’s dull, heavy feeling, was all his fault, and she could feel his throat under her hands yet, and-
“… Alfons?”
She hadn’t meant to say it out loud. Meant to bolt, before he recognized fully, but she froze instead.
>>>
It was rather surreal to see her face staring up at him like that, as if she'd been expecting execution--or worse. What was she...doing here? Rather, what was she doing here looking like that? There hadn't been a curse going on that day, he would have known before even getting to work.
His throat clenched up, and he immediately let her go, not wanting to get a broken wrist for annoying her or anything. ...She definitely looked different, though. As if she'd been attenting a funeral...or getting ready for her own.
"C-Cirucci..." Still in shock, he found himself tripping over his own words as he gawked down at her. "What are you... What's going on?"
>>>
Her mouth moved uselessly a moment, about to form a word, but she failed miserably. Damn it, damn it, damn it. Black dress, knee length, so much longer than normal. Hair down, curled about her face, and lacking the distinctive bone spike on her skull. Less make up, less… her.
“… I-“ She fumbled over it, then bolted.
>>>
Alfons was too startled at first to move, only to realize she was disappearing, and he had to make sure that hadn't been some kind of bizarre hallucination. ...Why he would be hallucinating about Cirucci looking like that, he hadn't a clue, but he'd been called crazy before. But really, if she was trying to get away, he didn't stand a chance in Hell at catching up to her, did he?
But he ran anyway, muttering out half-hearted apologies as he shoved his way through the thinning crowd. He was shocked to find she was still in his sights. And even more shocked when he was actually closing in. Still, even if he didn't technically need to breathe, this was wearing on his lungs, and every step only made it worse.
Finally rounding a corner, Alfons actually tripped over his own feet in his sudden attempt to slow down when he discovered he was about to run right into her. Completely not expecting to catch up to her so fast, or at all really, he reached out to grab her again in the hopes her strength would keep him steady, but there was yet another surprise waiting for him.
They both went down.
>>>
They did indeed.
She had no strength in her body any more. Without the strength of being Arrancar, without the reiatsu, the blade, the pride wrapping up the rotting package, she was left with only the rot. No more strength than a regular dead soul, corrupted, the chain normally anchored in their chests rotted away to show only a gaping hole in hers. She had the strength of a woman all of five feet and a bit, thin and lithe, but no stamina, because she hadn’t worked for anything beyond her own powers.
A hiss grit out of her lips when she hit the ground, body curled in reflexively, Things hurt so much more like this. A fall like this- It wouldn’t have even scratched her hierro. But she didn’t have that anymore, to stop the skin from bruising, or bleeding.
“Fuck-“ But she still sounded the same, grit her curses out the same, trying to drag herself up, was she tangled in him, pulling herself to hands and knees.
>>>
As they went down, Alfons did his best not to land on her, trying to twist away and use his arms to block her from him. It didn't work as well as he would have liked, and he wondered why he was needing to worry about her safety at all. He had just...knocked Cirucci Thunderwitch down. He couldn't recall anything happening like this before.
With a wince and a cough, Alfons pulled his scraped palms away from the ground and tried to stand as well, taking her arm to help her up merely out of habit--habit with normal girls. "Sorry! I'm sorry. I didn't expect...to catch up so quickly, and I tripped." Stating the obvious. Moving on!
...To what? This was Cirucci, right? She smelled the same, sounded the same, and looked the same. Remotely. Not letting her arm go once they were up, he tilted his head to get a better look at her. There was so much that was different about her, but he might as well have been a blind man for all he seemed to care. He cracked a grin, though he was winded enough to make it look like a grimace, before he pulled her into a hug.
"I didn't think I'd see you again! Did you leave and come back? What on earth happened?"
>>>
It would be disgusting for her to try that gambit again, running. She straightened with his help, smoothed her dress down, fussing over it to buy her time, but she couldn’t fuss long before he hugged her, and she didn’t even want to bother trying to struggle away from that either. The difference in strength… from superhuman to weak as a babe, so it seemed to her, it had to be noticeable. She had never been gentle, and yet any touch or movement was so meek she might as well be.
“…” Concentrate. How to handle- She couldn’t admit it.
He shot me. That bastard-
But it wasn’t his fault. It was Cirucci Thunderwitch’s fault, but being so weak.
“… Can’t I take a vacation?”
>>>
"...A vacation? You announced you were leaving the City. If you wanted a vacation, you could have just gone to the beach." Immediately aware that she wasn't pushing him away, he awkwardly let her go and stepped back. "...And you look different." In too many ways to count, and Alfons wasn't going to state the obvious by pointing them out.
"And I knocked you over. What's going on? Are you under a curse? I know there isn't a City one going on, but...did someone do this to you?" Miss Jeane would know a lot more about that sort of thing, if it was a spell. He wished she was still around.
>>>
“What are you talking about?” She’d always been the queen of denial, the 105th Arrancar. Privaron Espada. Her voice barely trembled, hands fisting tight before she fussed over her clothes again, bending a bit, hair hiding her face, but it made the lack of ivory bone against dark hair all the more noticeable.
“Do I look cursed to you?” Of course she did. Her knee was bleeding. Cirucci Thunderwitch did not bleed from something so little.
>>>
Alfons hesitated as he glanced her over again. She was a mess, and he hadn't really made it any better by flattening her to the sidewalk. Of course he knew that Cirucci was too proud to admit something was going wrong, and trying to force her to come to terms with it right then wouldn't do a bit of good.
As confused and alarmed as he was, he had to shift his priorities. If she wanted to act like this was normal, then fine. He would treat her like she had always been human. Because that was how she appeared to him right then.
"It seems you got a little scraped up. We should clean that. Have you eaten?" Where was she staying? Not in the same old apartment, right? Surely he would have run into her sooner...
>>>
“So many questions.” She laughed, hollow, tossing her hair. “You’d act like you had to watch me die or something.” What a silly thing… caring.
“No, I’ve not eaten.” And she did have a hungry look about her. Edgy. Lean. Needy hungry. She couldn’t sense souls, let alone consume them any longer. And she was mortal now, but she still needed food like that to survive, and she’d lost more weight. At least, it appeared as if she could have. Lips licked, passingly.
“I moved.” To avoid reprisal.
>>>
His brow furrowed a bit at her commentary, but tried to stay focused on the topic at hand. "...Couldn't you have just told me you were moving? Good Lord, you had to be so dramatic about it." But obviously there had to be some reason behind it, because she did look awful.
Why hadn't she been eating? Not that he condoned her...diet, but he was still startled she wasn't eating souls. Did that have something to do with how easy it was to knock her over?
"Why don't we get you something to eat? Something to tide you over."
>>>
“I wanted some alone time, tch.” Hair tossed with the lie, as if that could distract from it. Since when did Cirucci Thunderwitch like to be alone, alone with that incessant tick-tock-tick driving her mad. But she couldn’t tell if it was that, or the oppressive loss of energy that made her more insane.
“Lead the way, then.” She fully expected to take advantage. She didn’t have any money, never used it, always took, but she couldn’t like this, and yet… she still hadn’t made any effort to procure anyway. Still above her, despite her fall.
>>>
Alfons raised an eyebrow, able to see through her lie all too easily, but knowing he couldn't get it out of her if she didn't want to talk. Instead he just glanced down to her knee, reaching up to touch her shoulder as he moved to 'lead the way', as she put it.
"Can you walk? What did you want to eat?"
>>>
“Can I walk.” She scoffed, rolling her eyes and fussing with her clothes, not bothering to remove his hand. It had been too long between seeing someone, to push away.
“Don’t even ask such stupid things, just lead!”
>>>
With a sigh, Alfons dropped his hand and nodded, checking his watch as he turned. "It's still early enough to catch dinner at most restaurants." Though she would probably go right for the dessert menu.
...She really didn't look very presentable for most places, especially scraped up, but he didn't want to risk insulting her by bringing it up like that. Instead he just tried to think of what was nearby and cheap. Most cafes would be closed, wouldn't they? There was no way he was bringing her to where he worked.
>>>
“…” The idea that she wasn’t presentable had crossed her mind, but not in that context. She wasn’t presentable like this as a mortal, without the bone mask in her hair, her white uniform, her blade at her side.
Eyes hardened at the thought, easily interpreted as being directed at him.
>>>
He was constantly glancing back at her, just to make sure she was still there and not trying to run again, so it wasn't long before he noticed her glare, and cleared his throat. "What? You don't want a restaurant? I'm afraid my kitchen isn't exactly well stocked. It's been awhile since I've eaten."
Without someone to provide meals for, he'd sort of gotten out of the habit of cooking, since it wasn't like he technically needed to eat. The most he had was a snack here and there.
>>>
“Nothing.” She dismissed the questions with a wave of her hand, following a step behind. But she did have a lost look about her, something odd and misplaced, but not quite describable. She hadn’t been eating either, but that was because of an inability, not a choice.
>>>
Looking back ahead of him, the silence that followed felt more than awkward. It felt hollow. He could hardly hear the sound of chattering people about them as they walked, as if they were in their own, incredibly depressing bubble.
What happened to her? He wanted to know. Wanting to know things was in his blood, and he still had trouble putting a cap on his curiosity. Though this...was more concern than anything.
Alfons spotted a bar just a couple buildings down and smiled again. They ought to have some food there, and it didn't look upscale enough for them to look out of place. But he supposed he'd look out of place anywhere, still in his uniform.
He winced at the loudness as he opened the door, then stepped in to hold it open for her.
>>>
She was silent as the grave, already one foot in anyway, eyes half unfocused when she wasn’t making effort to focus on something, following by simply staring at his back. She stepped past him in to the restaurant without word or pause, taking a seat and nestling, hands twined.
>>>
Alfons felt more than a little uncomfortable with the situation, simply because Cirucci was acting so strange, he wasn't sure how to conduct himself with her. He'd do his best to act like this was normal, and that she was just another human girl...but she wasn't.
Sitting across from her, he flagged down a waitress to ask if they had anything other than simple snacks, and got a small menu in response. Turning it around to hold out in front of her, he tried to smile again. "Order anything you want. It doesn't have the selection of a full restaurant, but it's got enough."
>>>
“I’m not hungry.” She smirked, lying through her teeth. Hands tap tap tapped on the table, nails scraping and arching. “Unless you have a soul you’d like to throw away?”
Nervous, in case the others would be around, in case a true Arrancar saw her here, her eyes darted about. A hand moved over her hair, the spot blank of a mask fragment.
>>>
Alfons glanced to her hands, then back to her face with a sigh. "You know I'm not going to do that. You knew we were going to a restaurant, and it would be a waste not to eat something." Pulling the menu back towards himself, he gave it a glance over before handing it back to the waitress. "Can we just try the sampler platter, the brownie and vanilla ice cream, and..."
He glanced to the drink menu. "A Hefeweizen for me, and just...a...Shirley Temple for her? Thank you." He smiled a little more brightly at the waitress to put her at ease before she left, and he sighed as he looked back to Cirucci.
"And must you talk about eating souls around the people who are bringing us our food?"
>>>
“You got cockier without me?” Another shallow smirk. “Ordering and everything.” But her heart- literally- wasn’t in it.
“Why?” The Arrancar was fastly moving to a bratty, bitchy, mood. Attempting to drive him away. Regretting even letting him see her like this-
“They look like food, still. Even if I can’t eat-“
>>>
"Well you weren't ordering, so you didn't leave me much choice. Besides, I've cooked for you enough to know what you favor." Alfons was starting to get irritated, but he tried to keep a check on it. Cirucci always acted snippity when something was wrong, and he was doing his best to figure out what that was, but...
"...Can't?" He blinked and stared in surprise, leaning back a bit. "You can't eat souls anymore?"
>>>
“…” Lips thinned, firmed, and she leaned back in her seat, legs crossing, uncrossing, and hands clenching hard in her lap.
“Excuse you?”
>>>
Alfons watched her reaction carefully, rolling it all over in his head. She looked like a widow, was hiding from everyone, couldn't run very fast, obviously didn't have any strength, and couldn't eat souls? What did that mean? Was she really just a human now? The very concept left him so shocked he couldn't even think up a reply.
So he just glanced towards the bar as the waitress set down their drinks and walked off again. Asking her probably wouldn't get a very good reaction, at least not yet. He'd either have to wait, or find someone else who would know what was going on. Someone who knew about Arrancar, but wouldn't use the information against Cirucci.
...That left very few options.
Shifting, Alfons cleared his throat and picked up his beer for a sip as he tried to redirect the conversation. "Ciro hasn't seen you in awhile. You should come visit."
>>>
Slowly, very slowly, she started to flush. Muscles tightened, spine straightened, and her jaw grit. How dare he- How dare he? Even knowing that there was something wrong, even knowing that she was weak, that she was starving- rotting- He blithely continued on?
A contradiction. She wanted it ignored, and wanted it pointed out.
“Fuck you, Alfons.” The Privaron stood abruptly, knocked over the glass, and made to storm out.
>>>
Alfons flushed at the stares they got, not really sure what to do at first before standing to go after her. Catching her wrist at the door, he kept his voice as quiet as possible, though still loud enough to be heard over bar chatter.
"What exactly do you expect me to do, Cirucci? I thought you were gone for good, then you show up again and everything's different. Why don't you take a moment to consider just how shocking this is for me? I'm trying to make you feel comfortable, and you're tripping me at every turn!"
>>>
“How shocking it is for you?” She spat, flat out laughing, short, barking laughs. “You’re not the one powerless right now.” Evident in the fact that he was able to hold her there at the door in the first place.
“You’re not the one who had that damn sword shoved through your chest- You’re not the one who lost anything!” Voice rising hysterically, she jerked at his hold.
“So let go of me!”
>>>
And Alfons did let go, partially out of surprise from her story, partially because the last thing he needed was to look like he was physically abusing an innocent woman.
Sword? What happened? Who had she fought? A shinigami? She had fought them before, and hadn't lost all of her powers. The confusion wasn't getting any better with the clues she kept letting slip. It only made it worse, and it felt like her anguish was magnifying his.
Stepping out onto the sidewalk, he shouted in an attempt to make her hear him, to maybe listen for once as she stormed away. "I lost you! How can you say that isn't everything to me?!"
>>>
She had started to storm off, hair tossed back behind her, but froze, complete stop, flushing further at his shouting. Shoulders rose, hands curled in to fists and nails dug in.
“I can’t deal with you.” Hissed, barely audible from where he was standing. “I can’t deal with that shit, Alfons. I didn’t want to hear it when I was an Arrancar, and I still don’t want to hear it.”
>>>
He had to strain to hear, but rather than feeling hurt, it just made him more angry. "Can't deal with me? Can't deal with me? What do you think I'm trying to do here?! I'm trying to help you! I'm trying to figure out what's wrong so that I can help!"
Alfons moved away from the door so that he didn't feel the need to shout, though his tone was still definitely louder than normal. "If you don't want to think of it as help, then think of it as assisting. Clearly you're dealing with something, and you don't seem to be dealing with it very well on your own. Why even bother going with me to a restaurant if you didn't want something to eat, or the company? It's one thing to be fickle, but this is a little much."
>>>
“…” Lip bit, and her nails dug in further.
“I don’t want help. I never fucking wanted help! I never wanted this- I never wanted any of it!” Her lips twisted then, in fury.
“I’d rather be dead than live like this.” A morbid omission, but it was true, true to the core. Goddamn them all, but she’d rather be dead than continue like this, but-
“But no matter how many goddamn times I die, I’ll fucking come back. I’ll come back like this, this disgusting mortal piece of shit. This isn’t fickle. This is-“ She didn’t even know.
>>>
Morbid, yes, but Alfons could sympathize to a certain degree. There were many times where he had seriously thought that death was better than this pit. He had hoped each time that maybe the next death would be the last, but it never was. He knew exactly what it was to lose everything, but he chose to keep his mouth shut. Because she wouldn't care. She never did, unless it was her own problem.
Clenching his jaw, Alfons shut his eyes for a moment to think. "Fine. It's awful. I understand that. But what, exactly, do you hope to accomplish by hiding from everyone and complaining about how terrible it is? The best you can do is make the most of it. Learn to become stronger with that body, or maybe try some research on how to regain some of your powers. If you don't want help, then fine. I'll leave and pretend I didn't see you, and I won't look at you again the next time I do run into you. But don't cover your face and act like you no longer exist, because you do, and you have to deal with it!"
>>>
“Don’t talk like you know what’s happened to me- Like you know how this feels.” She snarled, but she quickly let that die. The last thing she wanted to hear was how concerned he was, how he wanted her to share, that only made it more annoying, made it hurt more.
“Just-“ Eyes squeezed shut, and couldn’t feel anything. Just nothing, no reiatsu, no nothing.
“You didn’t see me.”
>>>
The urge to snap back with his own retort was strong. No, obviously he didn't know exactly how she felt, but he knew how he felt when everything was lost. But again, he kept his temper in check. Cirucci didn't listen to people. She just didn't.
Eyes narrowed and averted, Alfons couldn't even think of anything to say politely in response to that. He wouldn't say goodbye, that was for certain. She didn't want him to have seen her? Then he wouldn't see her.
It was with a ragged sigh that he simply turned around and walked in the opposite direction.
>>>
It was a long moment she stood there, watching him go. If any part of her realized that the one person who might love a beast like her was leaving, walking away, there was no indication of it on her face. A slight, blank look, just staring at his back. A part of her did know that something was walking away from her. An opportunity, a chance, a hope, an open doorway, and she stood and watched it pass her by.
Cirucci Thunderwitch loved the trappings of her past more than she could love anything else.