tampered | Log; Complete

Log; Complete

When; Backdated to November 7th
Rating; R
Characters; Lestat

notapreacher
Summary; It's finally the 7th and Lestat is done with patience.
Log; The sun is giving it's final lingering rays of light upon the City when he awakens. He's always been an early riser. Doing so gives him a chance to barely see the sun without being harmed. However, there's something different this night. He's overly impatient. Gren has managed to keep his gift a secret for a week. How he managed that...

Sniffing the air (he'd chosen to sleep in his bed that day), he automatically catches a grand mixture of scents filling the air. All beautiful and luscious. He opens his eyes and sits up to find the room filled with scented candles. Each different from the next. And such a mixture that he cannot begin to tell them apart. It's an enchanting image to behold and he'd dwell on it if it weren't for the note he sees on the pillow next to him.

Follow the candles...

He can't help but chuckle as he slides out onto the floor and starts doing exactly that. If his counting is correct this should lead up to 232. Another chuckle slips out as he counts the candles leading him out...and over to 53. And to the couch...

To himself, he whispers, "Ah, angel. What do you have planned?"

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The question catches him off-guard. He isn't and wasn't expecting it. Yet, it's one that he cannot just avoid or distract from. This one requires an answer. He can see that. Still, he lets the surprise show all over his face and eyes and the silence before he answers.

Then he carefully considers the question as he lets the words slide out from his mouth.

"Sometimes, one just sees someone and the feeling is known. I have experienced this before. A glimpse and then my heart is captured. This happened when I saw you and somehow I knew we would be close in some way. But that does not answer your question."

He sighs.

"You look past the fact that I am a vampire. You see it, acknowledge it, and accept it but you look past. Into who I am. When you look at me I feel awakened and alive. And to add to it all, for some reason the fact that you have endured so much pain...when I learned your story...I truly fell for you. For here was a man who had lived through the pain to become the one he is now. I've done so as well. Then you say things to be like 'I wouldn't have left you' or 'You're stuck with me' or anything like that and suddenly I am no longer so powerful. Your words capture me. You are kind and have been gentle with me. You don't fear me and you trust me with your heart, mind, and body. So few would give all three. There is so much I could say to you but never would my answer be complete. It cannot be fully explained. All I know is that now that I do love you, I cannot stop. You make me feel whole."

A glimpse and then his heart is captured. That's the blush of first attraction and it's one he knows well. Slowly, he lets his eyes open: Lestat is right here.

You make me feel whole. How can he do that for someone who's been around for over 200 years? He's not that special. He's the sax player, but he's also a murderer and an escaped convict. Sure, he's lived through pain... but who hasn't?

But he shakes this off: it's Lestat's night. It's his birthday. The last thing he needs is for his lover to suffer through a bout of this kind of insecurity.

"Thank you." For the answer, for the thoughtfulness that went into it, for the sentiment behind the answer: it means the world to him. For sharing the dream, for making him feel so special, for the boost to his self-confidence. For spending his birthday with him, for giving him the keys to this apartment, for trusting him enough to sleep together and to let him take the dogs for walks and for being so generous and so kind. For moving so fast that he's had no choice but to obey his own feelings instead of second-guessing them. For coming to the club every Saturday.

"And to answer your question, I'm feeling... amazed."

That about sums it up.

"Amazed. Good. I am glad. I've wished to share that with you since I had the dream but decided to wait until tonight. So often you've shown me glimpses of your world. How you live. I wanted to share mine with you."

He has no intentions of changing Gren. That usually comes about because a vampire knows the one he loves will be lost to age and death. Gren will not age and will not die. Or if the latter can happen then he will come back. And he will wait at his side just as he did for Anita. No matter how much it hurts to do so.

It means that much to him.

"I have already said that I do not want to change you. I meant then and still mean it. There is no need for it. And I want to fight all those rules that say a vampire and a human cannot be happy together without the vampire changing the human. It's just another rule and I've broken so many in my life that breaking another will be like taking a breath. This rule should be broken too. I love you and want to be with you. I like sharing your world and my world."

There's so much passion in those words, and he's attracted to passion like a moth to flames. Sometimes, when he's alone, he wonders what he's doing. As if he has no business with Lestat, no business being in a relationship. On some levels he thinks he doesn't, but then again, isn't that the old reservation of the past doing the talking? Isn't that his self-imposed barrier getting in his way?

He ought to see a shrink. Either that or just stop thinking so much. Now he looks up into Lestat's eyes, reaches up to smooth a fingertip over his eyebrow, shakes the cobwebs out of his brain, and his eyes soften.

"I love you. And I like breaking rules with you."

Now he smiles. "Who made such a stupid rule anyway?" Maybe between the two of them, they can teach the world a little bit about love. "I mean, I always figured it doesn't matter who or what you love as long as it's honest." It doesn't even matter if the love is returned: it's just there.

"And I think you need to kiss me. A lot."

"I think I'll obey your thoughts and ignore your question since I have no answer."

He likes it when Gren gets ideas like this in his head. It's impossible to not want to make them reality. Exactly the reason why he does so now. By kissing him. A lot. That was the thought, after all.

As relaxed and content as he is, he can still pour passion and heat into it. He never can give Gren enough of it. That's alright though. It means that he has to continue kissing him to try to give him enough. Or get enough. Or both. A wonderful, glorious mixture of both.

That is what Gren is all about. Give and take. An equality. Neither of them is giving more than the other.

He likes that.

That's better: his little moment of insecurity floats away into the ether, although he's keenly aware of just how seductive the whole touching-your-mind thing is. It really was like the high from his favorite enemy and giving an addict a taste of that after so long is a sure recipe for disaster. He's always said he'd never be able to kick the habit again, and he's afraid of what might happen.

But he'll deal with that when he has to.

If he has to.

Long lazy moments in a loved one's arms have to be the nicest way to spend time: he's useless for much else right now anyway. Too lulled, too relaxed, too satisfied, and too amazed. He can't help but relive all those images from Lestat's dream but like any dream they're fleeting, already fading. Still, it was remarkable.

I love you because you're music. That's how he would answer the question but unlike him, Lestat's not insecure enough to have to ask. Still, it's good to know he's got an answer.

Just in case he ever needs it.

"I've certainly enjoyed your birthday, Lestat." More than anything, he hopes it hasn't been a disappointment after all the build-up. That would be such a shame.

"As have I." Rolling them over, he puts Gren on top of him so he can more easily run his fingers through the long hair. With how often he touches it, one would think he believed it to be a rare silk. Actually, he likes that description. A rare silk. Of course, that's because Gren takes care of his hair. He knows that.

"I always enjoy my time spent with you though. No matter what I am feeling at the time."

By now, that's a proven fact.

"It is nice to share homes with you. To call this and the other our bedroom. And I love to see the adoration the animals have for you Katan aside. Though, he may yet actually warm up to you since you did not have an instant hate for him the first moment you saw him."

That actually makes him laugh, drowsy though he is. "Of course I didn't hate him. it would take a lot to make me hate a cat or dog on sight." He turns toward the closet. "Katan, I know you're in there. You'll get some eel tomorrow."

There's no answer, of course; Katan's a smart cat with great taste in humans... uh, or... people. It's just about impossible to shrug when you're lying on top of someone so he doesn't bother, opting instead to rest his head on Lestat's chest. There's something so hypnotic about this, about him: right or wrong, he feels safe with Lestat. He doesn't need protection and he doesn't require a bodyguard, but still, he feels safe. He doesn't deserve that any less than anybody else.

One hand finds Lestat's hair, smoothing it away from his face. He could just eat up moments like this.

As if there is no possible way the cat in the closet can hear it, he whispers to Gren. "Eel is his favorite thing. He never will turn it down." Then he laughs and kisses the hand smoothing his hair.

Each of the animals has something that is their favorite. Food, toy, or otherwise. For Katan, it happens to be eel. He was told that when he got him. Luce loves attention. She's been known to sit there letting out soft noises until he gives her some. Watt adores high places. It doesn't matter what room, he's found a place of height that is his. Apolline is a pillow lover. She often drags pillows to the floor anymore so she can rest on them. And his ever loyal Horatio loves his master. Nothing escapes his notice when protecting Lestat.

The animals never cease to intrigue him.

"I know."

That little bit of information is something he learned by the bonfire that night. Lestat might just have let the whole eel business slip.

"Did you know that sometimes when I'm here during the day, Watt rides on my shoulders?" He's pretty gentle, too. "I'm not sure if he does it to stay away from the dogs or to be somewhere no one else is. It's pretty sweet." He knows that for the cats especially, he's just the strange person who feeds them. It's a different story with the dogs -- they're more interactive, for lack of a better term -- they know him better and he takes them for walks all the time now.

One of these days, cramming so much into daylight hours and then trying to stay awake all night is going to kill him all over again. If he's lucky that won't happen. He's probably already pushing it by sharing blood as often as he does. So far he hasn't felt any worse for doing it and he is dead. He probably doesn't need the standard human four to six weeks for it all to regenerate. As far as he knows, he doesn't need any blood at all.

He'd hate to find out he's wrong about that the hard way, though, but right now he doesn't really care anyway. He's relaxed, he's comfortable, he's here with someone who loves him for some really fantastic reasons, and he's protected. Nothing bad can touch him.

"Does he? You've become a favorite spot then. He loves places that are high above it all."

And he's delighted that Watt has seen fit to bestow that honor upon Gren. It's a step in the right direction concerning his cats. Luce will probably be pleased with just attention and food. His little queen is picky on only certain levels.

"I hope I can see him do it sometime when it is night."

That would be yet another memory that he would treasure for much time to come.

"If I can ever manage to keep my clothes on around you, maybe he will." At the moment, he's disinclined to move enough to test the theory.

Maybe later. Right now, he listens to the beating of Lestat's heart. It's so calming, so soothing, and he figures he's allowed to be a little envious of it. He misses that, not that it's anything he thought of much when he was alive. But one time in prison he almost died: he felt his heart stop when they double-dosed him on drugs just to see what would happen. He doesn't remember it starting again, but he definitely remembers it stopping. That was the very first time he thought he'd died.

And now he knows better, and it doesn't matter. Dead or not, he feels more alive than he has in years and years.

That comment deserves a laugh. So it gets one. A low chuckle of one. It is true though. Neither can seem to manage to keep their clothes on around each other. Of course, that really is not a problem in his mind. Quite the opposite actually.

"I'm sure we can manage at some point in the future. We do have some time ahead of us."

However, he's curious about something.

"What are you thinking about? And tell me. I want to hear you say it rather than gaining permission to you mind."

"Mmm." He's comfortable, and Lestat's voice resonates in his chest. "I'm thinking about the way your heartbeat sounds. Then I was remembering one time out there when my heart stopped, and then... then I started thinking about how I feel more alive now than I did before. That's what I'm thinking about."

The thoughts are all fleeting things, but they're real. "And then I started thinking about how I can feel it when you talk, and how nice that is. And that all leads back to one thing: being with you makes me happy. That's what I'm thinking about."

"I am happy when I am with you. So, it works out perfectly." It's hard not to be. Such a thing is very lovely. And he likes that it makes Gren happy in return to be with him. It makes everything work. As if it should be that way. And who is to say that's not how it should be?

So often he's made his own destiny. He doesn't mind doing so once again. Such a system has worked for him thus far. He sees no reason to change it.

"And I'm pleased that you are happy being with me."

How could he not be? It's such a blessing, if anyone still believes in those things. They're here, they're together: he'll take it. Now he sits up -- finally -- and reaches for that glass of champagne, takes a long sip. It's nice to have the luxury of being so lazy. As he drinks an image from the dream Lestat shared floods his thoughts: breeze and feathers and music; he swallows back the champagne and considers his lover for a moment.

His thoughts now are on this man back in Blue Crow who scraped out a living interpreting peoples' dreams. That always seemed a little far-fetched, but it's as valid a way of making a living as any, he supposes. The guy's still probably on the same street corner, huddled next to an open fire, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders to ward off the cold and he wonders: what else is going on back there? Has his bounty finally expired? Nobody knows he died there. Nobody will ever know what happened to him, unless they find his ship floating toward Titan. Will his body be in it, or has he really been transported in death to a place beyond time and space and all practical reality?

He'll never know.

"Have you been able to leave the City since you got here?"

The question intrigues him. Has he been able to leave since he got here? The answer is simple.

"No. I haven't left."

But it leads to one of his own.

"Why do you ask?"

It's a fair question to give in response. Of course, it's his curiosity coming into play as well. Understandable curiosity. The question has come seemingly out of nowhere. That has to mean something. Unless he's mistaken and Gren is simply curious as well. But as long as he's sitting up like this, he won't miss the chance to openly admire Gren's body.

He'd be a fool not to. Despite what anyone else might think. Actually, what everyone else might think be damned.

The answer is very simple.

"I was thinking about... home." His previous home, he means. "I'm not like you, Lestat. I'm dead. I can't go back, even if I found a way to do it. This is where I stay, until the City kicks me out." The champagne glass goes back on the bedside table; he wraps his arms loosely around Lestat's neck. "But you, my beautiful man. You could go back. If the opportunity arose, would you?"

The question sounds like a trap and he really doesn't mean it that way. "Irrespective of me or anybody else here, I mean. If there were no considerations, would you do it?"

He likes to think the answer would be a resounding yes. To be free of this place and its curses and restrictions? Who wouldn't?

That's true. Gren never will be able to go home. He's dead now so if ever he were to leave here who knows where he might end up? It's all so unclear. But what is clear, is his answer.

To go back to his world. To everything he knows and all those he loves. To all the memories and the ghosts. The trials and joys.

Yes, the answer is so easy.

"Probably not. I'd rather stay here."

That's surprising.

"Really?" The tips of his fingers find Lestat's lips and trace there so very gently. "Why?"

Now it's his turn for curiosity.

"The people and this place. Even the curses at times. But look at the relationships I've built here. The people that so openly care about my well-being. And those I love. The one I love. Why would I wish to leave any of that?"

He smiles up at Gren.

"Everything is always new and exciting. The rules I've broken so far are many in number."

Then he looks at him fondly. "Why would I want to leave you or that?"

Sweet man.

"But the question wasn't whether you'd want to leave me. It was if there were no considerations. Let's say all those you love were gone from this place. Just gone, vanished, like we'd never existed here. In that case, would you leave if you could?"

That's a question on a whole different level. Of course he wouldn't want to go anywhere as long as Lestat was here, even if he could. He wouldn't want to go anywhere as long as Julia was here, for that matter. He'd hate to leave his friends and loved ones.

That part goes without saying.

Maybe the question is unfair. Who can put aside everything and everybody important to him to hypothesize on a thing like that?

"In other words, if I was the only one here? Gren, I love many. Not all on the same level but I do. And I've had people leave and I've met others. To wish to be elsewhere would mean that I were trapped here with no one. Alone and lost."

All vampires suffer from loneliness. It's part of their nature as immortals. But, some suffer from it more than others. He knows that he cannot be on his own for those many years. He needs the companionship.

With Gren, he's found that once more. As well as promises that it can last. He often thinks about those words.

"I would wish to go home. To where there are people."

The question was pushing it and he knows that; he reaches forward and smooths some of the hair away from Lestat's face. "Well, it's my job to make sure you're never trapped here alone and lost or with no one."

Immortality must be so isolating. At least he knows -- or thinks he knows -- he only exists any more through the grace of the City itself or the deities who run it. Maybe it's all just some grand social experiment; he doesn't know. But he likes it. And to his great surprise and at the same time not, he loves Lestat. It's no surprise because he's always been the type of person to fall in love so easily, but it does surprise him because he gave it up. He gave it up before he even got to Callisto, when he was still haunted by a pair of soulless gray eyes belonging to the man he thought betrayed him. And now he doesn't know what to think about that, and Vicious refused to talk to him about it, and what Lin thinks about it doesn't matter. He still trusts Julia's intuition on the whole thing more than anything else.

Back to right now, though, he tells himself gently. He can think about all that other stuff another time, when he's not feeling so swept up in this glorious heady sybaritic and ultimately self-centered enjoyment.

"So. I want... to make our own world. With our own rules. And I don't care if anyone else approves or understands." What they have and what they do is nobody else's business.

Nobody's.

"Have I ever told you how I just love the way you think?" As proof, Gren gets a sweet and lasting kiss. They are in this room alone together so he can get away with anything he wants. Especially since it is his birthday. However, all he wants is this kiss.

Running his fingers through Gren's hair, he kisses him one more time before gazing up into his face.

"You are so very beautiful. Body and soul. You have such a warm heart."

That is what he sees every time he looks into his lover's eyes. Past everything else. "Tell me what you first thought when you met me in person the first time."

Log; Complete

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