Log, Complete

[gouge-em-out.livejournal.com]

When; Thursday November 27
Rating; PG-13 to be safe
Characters; Kay gouge_em_out and Blue playstheblues
Summary; Blue and Kay meet up for the first time after the fight that took place on the weekend.
Log;



Kay sat alone at the bar table, which wouldn't have been too awkward if it wasn't Blue's bar he was sitting in. He couldn't shake the feeling that he wasn't very welcome there right now. A bottle of fancy wine (from his own personal storage) sat on the table, though it was unopened. He didn't want either of them to be drunk for this just yet.

Kay was nervous, no doubt about that. Part of him was hoping Blue wouldn't show up at all, but he knew that this discussion was unavoidable if he wa sever going to try to repair his relationship with Blue.

At least he didn't have to make eye contact.

Comments

[playstheblues.livejournal.com]

Even though Blue really wasn't ready to be out in public, there was no denying that he owned a business, that it was his responsibility, and he had to go out and do his job.

He spotted Kay before the blind man knew he was there, and he took a deep breath. He really didn't want to talk to him, and it would be easy enough to avoid him, but he wasn't going to do that. No one would say that Boy Blue was a coward.

He took a step forward. "Do you need a drink, Kay?"

[gouge-em-out.livejournal.com]

And there he was. Kay bit down on his lip, having to gather up courage to talk to Blue at all. At least he wasn't being yelled at, yet.

"N-no. Well, yes, but - not right now. A little later."

[playstheblues.livejournal.com]

Blue nodded then sighed, forgetting the blind man couldn't see him. "Okay. Is that all?"

He hoped it was. Even though it probably wasn't.

[gouge-em-out.livejournal.com]

"....No." he said, having to think about it for a moment. He could easily just say 'yes, that's all' and be done with it.

"I-I think you know why I'm here, Blue." he said, "We need to talk."

[playstheblues.livejournal.com]

Blue knew that there was something inherently mean about being cruel to Kay. He wished he didn't feel that way, but he did. He wanted to make the blind man stop talking, but he knew that he couldn't be nasty again.

Kay was nervous enough as it was. He grabbed a stool with his remaining arm and sat down. "Talk, then," he said without inflection in his voice.

[gouge-em-out.livejournal.com]

"I...wasn't trying to hurt you, you know." he says, timidly, head tilted down towards the table, "I was just trying to help you. I've got so many regrets, and I don't want to see you end up with those regrets, too."

[playstheblues.livejournal.com]

"I have regrets too, you know. Regrets that I've had for a long time." Blue thought about Rose Red, about Riding Hood, about everything that had passed by during the war and after. "It's not fair for you to try and make me accept this right away."

[gouge-em-out.livejournal.com]

"I know. But...the sooner the better." he said, "You know what happens when you sit and wallow is sorrow for too long?"

This was getting a bit personal, but it couldn't be avoided at this point. "You end up sitting alone in your apartment all day, getting drunk alone at bars all night, with too much of an emotional wall built up to be comfortable around anyone else for too long."

[playstheblues.livejournal.com]

Blue shook his head. "Just because it happened to you, Kay...."

He stopped. "It won't happen to me. Just. It won't."

[gouge-em-out.livejournal.com]

"I can hope not." he said, "But if you can't accept yourself you'll find that no one else can accept you either, and by the time you do it might be too late to get out of the hole you've dug yourself."

He sighed, "You know, I've been bribed to come back to Fabletown and keep my eyes. I've been offered gold and jewels and land back in the Homelands if I'd just stay and keep an eye on everyone, but I always refused. You know the one thing that could've got me back? If someone would've told me they wanted me back, not because of what I can see, but because they missed me. No one ever has."

He looks away for a moment, "But you have a lot of people who care about you and don't want you to shut yourself in. Don't throw that away, Blue."

[playstheblues.livejournal.com]

Blue listened, and he heard Kay, but he snorted. "No one wanted anyone, Kay. We were just stuck together; no one wanted us back in the Homelands and no one wanted us in Fabletown. I was in prison for two years, and Rose Red didn't want me, and I don't think anyone missed me."

He cleaned the bar. "We're not important, we just are."

He pointed. "I lost my arm so Bigby would live, and I lost all the women I loved because they preferred someone else, or they were lying to me. I lost my trumpet with this, and I don't particularly care to lose anymore."

[gouge-em-out.livejournal.com]

"Maybe not then. Maybe back all those centuries ago no one really wanted anyone else, but even I can see that's not the case anymore. If you can't, then you're twice the blind man I am."

He twirls an empty cup in his hand, "Fly is worried sick about you, you know. Cindy, too. When I told her that you were a statue she was so angry I was worried she was going to kick me in the face just for being the messenger of bad news."

Kay didn't notice Blue pointing at anything, of course. "I've lost a lot, too. I'va had to make a choice between losing my eyes and losing my sanity. I lost most of my childhood in a frozen wasteland. I've lost many years trying to drink my worries away. And yet, for what I've gained - the small bit of community and sense that I've done something good that I have - I think it was worth it."

[playstheblues.livejournal.com]

Blue shook his head. "I'm sorry I yelled at you, Kay. But I don't want to talk about this anymore."

[gouge-em-out.livejournal.com]

"I understand. I wish there was something I could do but I'm afraid it's up to you, now."

He looked up (well, not really looked), "But...you don't hate me?"

[playstheblues.livejournal.com]

Blue was silent for a moment. "No, Kay, I don't hate you." He took a breath. "It would be kind of impossible."

[gouge-em-out.livejournal.com]

"Not impossible, Blue. I'm pretty sure Lumi hates me." he smiled for once, "But I'm glad you don't. And...I apologize if I seemed unsympathetic. It is an emotional topic for me and I got a bit upset."

"I brought some of my best wine, if you're interested."

[playstheblues.livejournal.com]

Blue would have laughed, if he had been in the kind of mood that allowed for laughing. "Lumi hates everyone, she doesn't count." He didn't even crack a smile.

"I can't take any alcohol, I'm on an antibiotic to suppress infection in my st-arm." But he took the wine and poured Kay another glass.

[gouge-em-out.livejournal.com]

"Oh. That's too bad. I suppose I drink alone again tonight, then." he takes a sip.

"I guess you can leave if you want, then." He said, "But I just have one more thing to tell you, okay?"

[playstheblues.livejournal.com]

"Yeah?"

Blue waited.

[gouge-em-out.livejournal.com]

Kay waited a few seconds, because he was not the type of person that'd usually do this. But Blue deserved some sympathy from him, even if he couldn't give it verbally. He stands up and gives Blue what is probably the most awkward hug ever from a blind man who can't even be sure he's hugging the right thing (and is uncomfortable with most contact that is any closer than 'holding onto the person leading you around'). But, it is sincere.

[playstheblues.livejournal.com]

Blue stiffened. He normally would have hugged back, he normally would have accepted the touch but now...he turned into a board. He didn't want anyone touching him, he didn't want anyone near him.

He nodded a bit once Kay let go, and resisted the urge to flee the scene. "Thanks."

[gouge-em-out.livejournal.com]

Erk. Awkward. Kay remembered why he didn't give too many hugs. But maybe it'd mean something later. Kay sat back down, "You shouldn't be so nervous, Blue. You know I won't ever be weirded out or disgusted by you."

He took his glasses off. Hello there, empty eye sockets. "I get enough disgusted reactions myself to ever do that to anyone else."

[playstheblues.livejournal.com]

Blue shook his head. "I live with a man whose eyes are mouths, Kay. I'm not exactly going to be grossed out."

[gouge-em-out.livejournal.com]

Eyes are mouths? What? But Kay didn't question it, he figured Blue didn't need 20 questions about his roommate.

"I know. It's mostly mundies who are grossed out, anyways. Just saying that I don't think you're weird or anything. Heck, I wouldn't even have known about it if you didn't tell me."

[playstheblues.livejournal.com]

Blue didn't smile, but he nodded and spoke. "Yeah, Kay. I know."

[gouge-em-out.livejournal.com]

Kay doesn't know if Blue's smiling or not unless he told him, either. "Well, I think Fly is getting something for Thanksgiving dinner soon, so I'd better go."

He finished up his drink. He wasn't sure what Fly was doing, actually, but figured Blue was tired of talking.