tampered | goodnight trouble

goodnight trouble

When; Tonight (Saturday, 12/06) after Gren's set at Lux
Rating; PG-13
Characters; Machi Tobaye (

vampbratprince)
Summary; Machi always goes to see Gren's set on Saturdays.
What kept him?

(posting order: Machi, Gren, Lestat)

Log;

Actually, he didn't forget on purpose.

Not that he's been in the mood to see anyone, even Gren, but it wasn't that he intentionally skipped Gren's set. It's more that he curled up on the couch, half-wrapped in a blanket, headphones blaring. The glass on the coffee table drained, the bottle left open and inviting. It's more that the song's on repeat and he has his eyes closed and well, if he's not sleeping it's something like that, it's something like a coma, it's something like not feeling.

He's in the habit of leaving the door unlocked for Armand even if the vampire could get in if he locked it. A gesture of trust, maybe - an acceptance of interruption - an inconsideration. He's not playing tonight and he expects none such grievance, happy enough in blurry misery.

The door knocks, he sits up suddenly. "J-just a moment!"

Stumbling over his own feet, he tucks the bottle under the sink, tosses the glass in the sink before smoothing himself out and answering the door.

"Gren!" he smiles. "And... Lestat. What bring you by so late?"

No longer smiling.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"I hope we're not disturbing you. I haven't seen you for a while and I -- we -- wanted to say hi on our way home. Is it too late?"

He won't push his way in; he won't insist on Lestat coming in; he won't stand here and let his lover be insulted; he has no idea what he's going to do. Machi's so easy to read and the way that smile fades is perfect evidence of Machi's feelings (or lack thereof) toward Lestat.

Now his wording is entirely intentional.

"Can I come in for a minute?" He gives Lestat's hand a squeeze.

He says nothing. When he's acknowledged, he offers a small smile but not once does he say anything.

Instead, he watches the two of them.

The small blond who clearly dislikes him and has confessed to not being able to stand the sight of him and Gren. He really doesn't care what happens here. And yet, he does. For some reason, he's interested in knowing what is going to happen next.

And Marius said that he could never keep quiet.

It's around then he realizes he didn't come to the show and maybe Gren wanted to ask about that. Machi wishes for his sunglasses then, but instead just imagines them there, his gaze blank and blind. Looking past, not at. "Sure, you may come in. You too, if you want."

Machi turns his back on them both. The couch actually seems a little far away with the floor tilting a bit like that. He got up too fast with too much to drink. Now he walks slowly, hopes it isn't obvious.

He sits down primly. Perfect posture, ramrod-straight. He doesn't offer them anything.

You too, if you want.

This isn't going to go well. "Maybe we picked a bad time. I just hadn't seen you at the club the last few times I played, and I wanted to make sure you're okay."

He's been in some situations in his life where he knows he's given people that same blank expression. The only problem with acknowledging it is that all those times he did it, he was in prison on drugs.

What he'd like to do is reach out and touch Machi's shoulder but he knows Machi doesn't take kindly to that kind of thing. But he'd also like to reach out and touch Lestat's shoulder and he knows he can do that and it will be appreciated.

So he does.

There is alcohol in the air. Machi has been drinking. And the slightest movements hint to that as well. He watches with interest before smiling at Gren when his shoulder is touched. Does Gren realize that this boy brother of his has consumed that much alcohol?

It isn't the wisest decision to ask that. But the interest is written all over his face. The fact that he's noticed something but isn't saying anything.

Looking back at Machi, he tilts his head as he observes him sitting there.

Why did they come? Just to show off how happy they were together? He hates how they're joined at the hip now, how Lestat is here at all. Gren touches Lestat and Machi draws in a sharp breath. He realizes then, horribly, that Lestat must know what he's thinking.

I don't even know why either of you bothered coming. There's nothing worth seeing.

"What the fuck you staring at?" he snaps at the vampire. "You have something to say, say it!"

"Machi." His voice is sharp and he realizes Machi's never seen him angry before... but he might just be about to. "Don't be so rude to Lestat."

He doesn't even regret saying it. Maybe Lestat should have waited outside: he knew this wasn't going to be easy or go well. He said so earlier but no, it seemed like a good idea to try to get everyone to make peace and he's always been a peacemaker. Apparently he's still stuck with his old patterns, and this was a really stupid idea.

"You know that's really unnecessary, don't you? No one's here to be mean to you. We're here because... I care about you, and I haven't seen you in a while and I wanted to make sure you're okay, and Lestat was nice enough to come along because he cares too."

It's an oblique line of reasoning, but Lestat cares because Machi's his little brother. Of course he cares.

There's no need to read anyone's mind here. Thoughts are clear in their actions.

He doesn't even flinch or blink or give any sort of reaction to Machi snapping at him. Others have shown worse to him. Besides that, he doesn't really know Machi well anyways. So, he finally decides to speak and mention what he observed before.

"You've been drinking."

Machi twitches, but his voice goes calmer than it was before. There's no way he can tell a lie with Lestat here. "I am okay," he says quietly. "So you can leave now."

Oh, Machi. The thing is this: he would have gotten around to it sooner or later. All the telltale signs are there. They're in the way he walks, the way he sits so still, the way his voice goes loud and then quiet. As if he couldn't recognize drinking after a lifetime's work in bars: this is going to take some TLC.

Although he hates to do it, he turns to Lestat. "Could you excuse us for a few minutes?" He rubs an itch on the bridge of his nose. I need to talk to him alone. Can I meet you at home? Or somewhere else? Stay in my thoughts if you want, but he won't talk if you're here. He might not give me the time of day either, but there are a few things I need to tell him and he might listen if it's just the two of us.

The explanation is probably completely unnecessary; Lestat knew exactly what would happen if he came over here and he was right. This isn't the time for a kiss-and-make-up moment.

"I can. I was meaning to get close to the stars tonight anyways." Still smiling, he slips out the door then down the hall and back outside. His mind remains connected to Gren's as he takes off into the sky.

Machi says nothing and doesn't look at Gren. He scoots back a little bit and a little bit, and hugs his knees to his chest. Quiet. Waiting to get scolded again.

Without waiting for an invitation, he takes a seat across from Machi. He's here to understand, not to police anybody. That's not his job.

"I'm not your father, Machi. I'm just your friend. So tell me, the stuff you've been drinking: is it any good? I wouldn't mind a glass of it."

Now he sits back, folds one leg over the other. "If that's okay with you, and if you have any more."

Machi shrugs. "I not drinking for taste. I take a little from each bottle now, so sometimes the result isn't great." Not completely trust Gren's words, he nonetheless makes his way over to the kitchen and pulls the bottle he stashed out from under the sink. It clinks with some empty bottles hidden there. He grabs his glass from the sink and one from the cabinet. The bottle is vodka, not a particularly cheap one.

"Do you want it with something? I have a little juice, or some milk. We can't have too much though, Mr. Edgeworth keep an eye on the liquor cabinet now, if so much goes missing he'll have more disappointment."

At least Machi's talking now: that's better. He waves off the offer of a mixer. "No, just a little taste. A sip or two is enough; I don't need anything in it and I don't want you to get in trouble for it. Thanks."

Back at home he could get arrested for this but here, he doubts it will happen. He just wants to talk to Machi. "Thanks. And... I've really missed you. You're my little brother. No matter what, nothing gets to take that away."

Sometimes, people just need to know they're loved. And some people deserve to be loved unconditionally.

Machi's quiet and serious, pouring them each a shot. The living room seems like a far walk, so he leans against the counter and takes his, closing his eyes. "You miss nothing," he murmurs. "Your whole time is taken by him, and that's fine. If I had someone, I would be like that too. I know. I am sad lately, so I don't want to bother anyone. No good in that. I just be quiet until I feel better. Or I go home. Whatever."

This has to be handled carefully: it's hard to reason with people when they're under unreasonable influences and alcohol definitely makes people unreasonable. So he sits quietly, takes one sip of vodka, sets the tiny shot glass down.

"This is pretty good vodka. Where I lived before, there was a heavy Russian population and we knew our vodkas there. Sometimes people had all-vodka parties. Taste-testing, they said. The object was just to get as drunk as they could, no questions asked and no excuses made."

He brushes the hair back from his face. "So you think you know how I feel about stuff? You think I'm so callous that I can just blow off the people I love? If that's what you really believe, then I'm afraid you don't know me at all, Machi." His voice is low and even and there's no accusation in it: this is just a conversation. "I knew you first and you're my friend. A lot of my time is taken by him, but not all of it. I'm not the best at making time for everybody, but I try. I try pretty hard. But it's a two-way street. If you could meet me part way, that would make it a little bit easier."

It would be easy to keep going, but that's enough for now.

"I know. Klavier have pretty good taste. Did you like meeting him the other day?"

He finishes his drink before setting it down. He's hugging himself with one arm, the other bracing against the counter top. He feels a bit slippery. "Maybe is time we end the friendship, then. I can cut you loose. That way, you do not have to worry. Our time with the one we love is precious, so I would not want to waste it if you could be with him instead."

He only spoke with Klavier briefly. "I liked meeting him very well." But that's not the crux of this conversation; it's just a distraction technique. He knows how good people in altered states can be at that and he's not going to argue any points with Machi tonight. He's only going to say what he wants to say as evenly as possible.

"Would you rather not be friends?" He doesn't really believe that's what Machi wants and right now, he chalks it up to alcohol doing the talking. "What I'm wondering here is why you think that I would think being with you instead of Lestat is a waste of time. I've always thought I had a decent-sized heart, that there was room in it for all the people who needed to be there."

"Because, look at me. I do nothing. I want to be blind again, I want to stop talking again. I can't stand this life anymore. It make my chest hurt. Before, I could just sit in a corner, no one talking to me, alone with my thought and that is fine. I have no desire to talk to them - to talk to the other. Just me and the piano..." Machi's eyes blur with sudden tears and he hates it, his expression is one of disgust as he wipes his eyes with the heels of his palms.

"I have learned so much strong emotion in the months here, but has it done good? They go away, and I am still a liar. I am still such a liar." It's really a sob, that last admonition. He's lost the fight to remain composed.

Oh, Machi. It's not the first time tonight he's said those words to himself and he doesn't think it will be the last. "Come on over and sit down. Please." He'd hug him if he thought he could get away with it, but he doubts it will be well-received. And then there would be all the explaining that goes along with it, and while he doesn't mind sharing the relevant bits and pieces of his prison story with Machi, he'd rather do it when his young friend is sober. The story's crazy enough without letting alcohol add fuel to the fire.

"The problem with strong emotions is that they run both ways. Good and bad. Excessive and not enough. There's no balance to them at all and it makes them difficult. It's hard to recognize that we have to enjoy them when they're good and let go of them when they're not. I don't know anyone who's mastered that art yet."

Now he takes the last sip of his vodka and he's glad that the glass is empty. "You're lonely. That's a terrible place to be, but it doesn't help to enable it by sinking into more loneliness. Let the people who love you help a little. It's not a bad thing to need others, you know. It's only a human thing."

Seeing Machi weep makes him feel so helpless.

"I deserve to be lonely! I am terrible human being. I have terrible thoughts." At least he does as he's told and goes to sit on the couch. Knees to chest, hugging tight. "I help Artemis find a girlfriend, I give them advice, but really, I hate them. Klavier came to visit, but he mistake me. He think I am a Machi he dated. I let him, so he take me around town and make a gentle hand on my lower back... because I knew, I knew he would go. I never want to see anyone. If I see them, I feel like slapping them. I don't deserve these friends."

Tears are still falling quite steadily. Machi pushes his face into his arms, rocking.

"You don't deserve to be lonely." There's a definitiveness to his voice that's not sharp and it's not angry; it's just very clear. "Listen to me. You're not a terrible human being. You're just a human being and it's our nature to be imperfect. Sometimes we hate ourselves and sometimes we hate other people. We get lonely, we get jealous, we want what other people have, we don't want them to share in what we do have. It's part of who we are. Kind of balances out the parts that are almost too good to believe."

Like Machi's skill with a piano, or the inner strength he's got to shoulder all the burdens placed on him. "You're a beautiful person, Machi. Right now you can't see that, but I can. You're just growing up, that's all. It's confusing and it's difficult, and most of us have the luxury of a parent or two to help steer us when things get tough like this. You've been alone for so long. Do you think you could let somebody help a little bit?"

He's volunteering for the position, even though Machi can't stand Lestat and just told him he doesn't want to be friends any more. He can't help it: he's pretty compassionate by nature.

It's proved to be his downfall more than once already.

Machi dries his eyes with his sleeves and looks up at Gren, red and raw and leaky. "How am I supposed to do that? I can keep the house. I even cook a little bit. I take good care of Lamiroir, to take care of me by myself is just fine. I even have my own job! What do I need the help for?"

He sniffs loudly. "So what if I alone. I don't like it when people are always around and so noisy."

Really, he tries not to laugh but it's almost impossible not to. "You're right. You're very self-sufficient. You're almost a master at it. I'm not saying you ought to take on roommates or change your fundamental nature. But other people aren't always so bad, you know."

Now he shrugs, sits forward a little. "I didn't come here to argue or tell you what to do. I came here because I care about you. Whether or not you want to be friends, I'm still going to care about you. We've forged a relationship and you might be able to cut it off just like that, but I can't. I'm sticking around. Because that's what big brothers do. But also, I was hoping I could invite you over. The place I'm living now, we have a grand piano. I'd like to hear you play it sometime."

There's only a moment's pause.

"Unless that counts as being too noisy, like those people who are always around."

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