tampered | Log; Complete

Log; Complete

When; January 26th, evening
Rating; PG-13
Characters;

sciencegeekchic
Summary; Two old friends are catching up.
Log;

She stands in the center of what once had been her own room. As a courtesy, the Doctor had given it back to her for her stay with him, but she could tell it had been a long time since anyone had lived inside. There had been no dust, no decay to be seen, but the air had felt aged and the Doctor's eyes appeared to hide terribly old memories.

She paces the room and wonders again exactly how LONG it had been since the last time he'd spoken to her, or more accurately, the last time before this strange world.

She rearranges her brushes and combs on the dresser stand and thinks again about this world she's landed in. She doesn't like it. There are so many things that logic can't explain and reason can't define, it makes her uneasy. Afraid. She hates to feel afraid.

She looks at the door uneasily. He had given her the day to adjust and pull together some items from the TARDIS' storage and clothing rooms, but she knew he would arrive soon. He'd said they needed to talk, that there were things he needed to tell her.

There was a soft knock on her door, and suddenly she wasn't sure she wanted to listen.

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The Doctor loved it when other Time Lords were here. Even when it was the Master, it made him feel less alone. Back home it had been so long since he had felt the presence of another of his kind. It seemed here was one of the few places that he could still encounter them.

With each one here though there came the heartache explaining what he had done. That their entire race had been destroyed to win the war against the Daleks. To make matters even more bizarre, this was the third time he had to tell this to Romana. Each time he handled it a bit better but it still crushed him, to have to tell her what he had done.

He came to her room and knocked on the door before slowly pushing it open. He leaned against the frame and gave her a small smile. It was wonderful to see her again. She looked as beautiful and brilliant as ever.

"Ohhhh, it's good to see you again, Romana," he said, smiling a bit wider as he said so. He knew there was no hiding the sadness in his eyes that also accompanied seeing her but it was far outweighed by the joy.

The smile was the same. His hair was different, he was wearing glasses now and he was rapier-thin, but that smile...Part of her unease lifted as she felt herself returning the smile with one of her own.

It was so easy to smile around him. Even during the most difficult situations they had been in together, he'd always had a joke or quip at the ready. Laughing at danger, gleeful at threats, she remembered more than one occasion when 'd simply pulled her along with him, headlong into the strangest situations, heedless of the insanity around them.

And if he wanted to pretend that the sorrow in his eyes wasn't there, she was more than willing to play along. It would keep her from her own worries.

"Well, it's certainly good to be seen, then. I do hope I haven't disturbed you with my redecorating today. I found these lovely tapestries in one of the closets, I hope it was all right to borrow them."

"Those?" he said, leaning in to glance at them. "Hadn't even remembered that I had them. A gift from... oh, who was it now, don't even remember. One of the kings of France I think."

Honestly, the Doctor had so many things from so many times and places that he couldn't keep track of them all. He was glad they were going to use. And he really was glad to see her. She reminded him of different times that he would never have again.

"Don't mind at all if you use them," he added. "Tell me, Romana. What do you think of blondes?"

"In general? I suppose it depends on the mind underneath the hair. I doubt I'd have much patience with one of those, oh what are they called? 'Dumb Blondes'?"

Romana paused to look at the Doctor. His expression was mischievous, the kind he always got when he knew something she didn't.

"Please stop hovering in the doorway, you may come in. I made some tea for us. Perhaps we could sit and you could...pretend to be civilized for an evening."

She gave the Doctor a sly smile of her own as she motioned to a pair of chairs and the tea service neatly arranged by her fireplace, glad that the flexibility of the TARDIS allowed her such comforts.

She would take her comfort and peace where she could.

"I don't think you'd have much patience for a dumb anyone," he said, coming into the room at her invitation. The room was done in a very tasteful fashion, she always had fantastic taste. Not as eclectic and brilliant as his own, but still pretty good.

"And tea would be brilliant, thank you," he said. "And I can be civilized for an evening. For longer than an evening, thank you. It's just that I choose not to. For you though I might make the effort."

Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, Romana waited for the Doctor to settle in his chair before pouring him a cup of tea. The silence drew out for a moment, not uncomfortably, and Romana listened to the crackling of the fire.

She realized that she was tapping her foot nervously and made herself stop.

Looking over the rim of her teacup, she prompted, "You were asking my opinion about blondes?"

"Was I?" he asked, giving her a bit of a playful smirk. "It's just that, well... that last time I saw you I remember you being a bit more... blonde. Well, maybe a bit more presidential too."

The Doctor gave her an amused look before he leaned back and sipped his tea.

"Ohhh, this is good tea," he commented. The shift in conversation was partially due to the Doctor's penchant for jumping from one topic to the next and partially due to the fact that he knew that particular habit drove Romana a bit crazy. "Is this mine? Did I have this aboard the TARDIS?"

"It's a blend of a few variations I saw in the pantry, I'm glad you enjoy it."

Romana barely repressed a sigh. It really had been too much, she supposed, to hope that the Doctor had gotten any better at staying on topic in the years that had passed for him. Age, apparently, wasn't doing anything for his level of maturity, and being trapped in this City wasn't doing anything for her patience.

There was something she didn't know, the Doctor was keeping secrets from her again, and she wasn't going to let him verbally wander about.

But if experience had taught her one thing, if she pressed him long enough, eventually he would come back to the point. She just had to remind him of why they were there in the first place.

She set her tea back in it saucer and leaned forward.

"But I got the impression that you didn't invite yourself over to discuss my hair color. You mentioned there were things you needed to tell me, so tell me."

The Doctor thought about avoiding the question some more, but really that wasn't fair (not that fairness had ever bothered him before) since he had requested they talk. And the longer he put it off the worse it would make things.

"There was a war," he said, glancing down at his tea and then up to look in her eyes. "A The Last Great Time War against the Daleks. It was massive and more fierce than any of the others. And... we weren't going to win. The Dalek Emperor had gained control of the Cruciform. I led the Time Lords in battle and... I had to do it, I'm so, so sorry, Romana but it was the only way..."

Romana sat, transfixed, watching the Doctor struggle for the words to finish his thought. Her mind raced with data, knowledge about the Daleks, strengths they may have gained, techniques that could have, should have been used against them, but the litany of facts couldn't distract her from the implication in the Doctor's words. Her rational mind couldn't fathom it.

What did you do, Doctor?!

She wanted to ask, but she couldn't trust her voice enough to form the words without stammering.

She sat silently and waited.

"Gone," he said softly glancing down at the floor, unable to hide the sorrow in his voice. He still carried the terrible burden of what he had done with him and while he had started to deal with it better he doubted he would ever get over it. Nor did he want to.

"I had to," he repeated before he looked up at her again, tears in his eyes. "The Daleks, the Time Lords, Gallifrey... all of it destroyed. It was the only way and I'm sorry, Romana. I'm so sorry."

"No." She refused to believe it. "You could never...there had to be a way. Perhaps this place, they speak of curses and...and...."

She wanted to say more, needed to say more, anything to make that look in his eyes go away. Some rational explanation beyond the horror he was talking about.

Destroyed. All of it?

The Doctor hung his head again, unable to look her in the eye any longer. He hated what he had to do, no matter how necessary it had been, and the fact that he had been able to do it.

"No more Gallifrey, no more Time Lords," he said, unable to stop repeating the horror.

Even though the Doctor had dropped his eyes, she kept looking at him, unable to tear her eyes away.

All of it. Gone.

She sat in stunned silence as her mind continued to work, wondering how it could have gotten so bad, how could so much be destroyed so quickly, how, how, how....

She reached out a trembling hand to the Doctor, her brave, protective Doctor, and asked a question she didn't want to know the answer to.

"Was I...was I still with you when it happened or am I...?"

Edited 2009-01-28 20:00 (UTC)

He took her hand and squeezed it, looking at her again. It was a fair question and he wished for not the first time that she had never accepted the position, because then maybe she would have been there with him and she would still be alive.

"Welll, the Lady President of Gallifrey could hardly be expected to be on the front lines," he said, voice thick with emotion.

Romana removed her hand from the Doctor's and stood. The room felt too small, too stuffy, too...unreal.

She crossed to the fireplace and watched the flames consume their fuel as she fought her emotions for control. Her eyes burned with tears she wasn't ready to shed.

All of it. Gone. And so, apparently, was she.

The Doctor waited for a moment before he stood up and moved next to her. He didn't put a hand on her or arm around her just yet, no matter how badly he wanted to.

"If there way any other way," he told her. "If there was any other way then I would have."

"I know."

The words sounded hollow, but they were all she could manage without letting him hear the pain in her voice.

It was all for nothing. All the studying and hard work she'd done to make herself the best, the decades dedicated to perfection, it was all worthless - there wasn't a point. The Academy, her home, the libraries, the markets, the towers, the mountains....

Try as she might, she felt herself begin to shake as the enormity of what was lost began to crash over her.

"You did a brilliant job," he said softly. "As Lady President you held us all together and made the hard decisions that kept us going for so long."

The Doctor never would have offered hollow words of encouragement, everything he was saying was true, and he meant every word of it.

"I was so proud of you," he continued. "You were absolutely brilliant. No one else could have done a better job."

She rounded on the Doctor, grief and confusion coalescing into anger.

"Brilliant!? You tell me our people will die and that I, as President, led them to it - how is that 'brilliant'!?"

She managed to hold her tears, but the shaking was another matter. She felt as if she were at the heart of a earthquake and the ground was falling away from her.

"Because you saved the rest of the universe," he said, his voice still soft. He could understand her rage and her frustration. It was all things he himself had felt, though perhaps not as keenly as she did. Romana was always the better Gallifreyan than he was.

"Billions and trillions of people for millions and millions of years will live out their lives just as they are supposed to because of you," he added.

"What does that matter! You stand there and tell me that it's ALL GONE, and you want me to feel GOOD about it!?"

She's shouting, now. She hadn't meant to shout, but now that she'd started she couldn't seem to stop.

"Why have we spent eons studying the universe, learning how it works, learning how to protect it, if we're going wipe ourselves out of it?!"

The Doctor flinched at her anger. Just because he understood it didn't mean it wasn't painful for him to face.

"Because of all those eons spent studying the universe, learning how it works, learning how to protect it, we fell in love with it," he said, giving a sad smile. "Earth had a teacher that once said 'there is no greater love than to lay down your life.' And that's what the Time Lords did. We loved the universe so much we died for it."

"Well, I hope it appreciated the gesture. Have all your precious planets and species stopped killing themselves out there? Is there a peace that was bought with our blood?"

She knew her words were hurting the Doctor. They sounded childish and harsh even to her ears, but she couldn't stop.

If she stopped she might fall apart.

Her words did hurt, bitterly. He knew that no world ever truly established lasting peace, even the Time Lords fought amongst themselves until the very end. But all the same, he felt he deserved what she said. He never doubted he had done the right thing, but he also felt that the Time Lords deserved their time of anger at him.

"There is a universe that is not ruled by the Daleks," was all he could bring himself to say.

She turned her back to the Doctor and returned to watching the fire, blood pulsing in her ears in time with the flickering flames. Her shaking wouldn't stop so she wrapped her arms across her chest hugging herself tight.

"No more Daleks," she whispered to the flames. "No more Time Lords."

The Doctor didn't have the heart to tell her that they hadn't even been successful in wiping out the Daleks. The Dalek threat was gone now though, and the sacrifice of the Time Lords had not been in vain.

"No more Time Lords," he said, matching her volume. "Just the one."

The Doctor looked into his half full tea cup and set it down before turning to head out of the room.

She heard him set down his teacup and step towards the door. She didn't deny she wanted him to leave so she could cry in peace, but there was one thing she wanted to say before he left.

"Doctor?"

The Doctor stopped in the doorway at her words, but he didn't turn around.

"Yes, Romana?"

[ooc: I-is it sad that her anger amuses me a tiny bit since as Lady President, it was probably on her orders that he destroyed everything?]

She turned slightly and watched him standing there, alone, and despite her anger, she thought back to the man she'd once been assigned to assist. All smiles and chaos and little robotic dogs.

She knew would forgive this darker version of her Doctor, someday, but for now, all she could muster through her pain was a simple condolence.

"I know how you hate being alone, I'm sorry...I'm sorry there was no one to carry this with you."

[ooc: Not unless I'm as sad as you are. So nice to know I'm not the only one who's made that assumption.

Edited 2009-01-29 06:06 (UTC)

"Thank you."

The Doctor couldn't think of anything to say in reply so he left it at that. It was kind of her to say even that much to him. But despite all the hard times she had given him in the past the Doctor knew that Romana did care for him. So he left her for now, quietly heading out the door.

The door closed softly behind the Doctor, and as his footsteps receded, Romana's tears began to fall.

She whispered a soft "good-bye," but she did not know who it was to, her Doctor or her people.

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