tampered | log; ongoing

When; Post marriage-curse+freakout
Rating; PG?
Characters; Angel [

atoner] and Buffy Summers
Summary; They have A Talk.
Log;

Buffy had never, in all her time in the City, experienced a curse that made her feel so much regret. Seeing Heaven was the only one that came close. But this, well. It crossed so many wires and she didn’t even want to think about it.

She’d been normal, but not happy. Which was weird, because she should’ve been happy, right? No Slayer duties, no apocalypses complete with doom and gloom, no disappearing boyfriends and relationships rife with hurt. Just…monotony. It all settled strangely on the mind, but first off?

She needed to see Angel. And stat. Well, after the obligatory freak out session. So come mid-afternoon, a Slayer stands of the doorstep of Casa de Angel and Connor, which would technically be called ‘Gabe’s house’.

Buffy knocks- maybe a little bit tentatively, wondering all the time if she’s just making things worse. After all, they left all of this behind years ago, and it was supposed to be buried good and proper.

Some things should just stay buried.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

If it was possible to tighten his fingers any further, he just did it then. Angel looked back at Buffy, knowing that he couldn't be dishonest with this sort of question in the air. He opened his mouth once, but then closed it. No, he wasn't sure how to say it. Not just yet. Instead, he allowed for that awkward silence to hang between them.

"It hurt to think you were happy," he finally managed. "And that you were happy without me. That we weren't as 'no matter what' as we'd always thought." Curiosity shouldn't have taken over when the curse was happening. He knew that now, but there was no turning back now.

“I wasn’t.” Happy. She doesn’t need to say the word, he’ll know what she’s talking about. He always seems to know, anyways. Buffy remembered that she’d once told Riley that no one had known her like he did. She realizes now that it was a lie- not an intentional one, but a lie all the same.

That title belonged to Angel.

It takes her a few seconds to realize that she’s gravitating towards him, and stops. “No matter what, Angel? There were too many ‘what’s’ in our lives to begin with.” This is not the time to be bringing this up and she knows it.

“We keep doing this. Is it ever gonna end?”

The question is, does she want it to?

"It ended for a while. You, me, we went our separate ways. I lived in Hell for a while." Now we're here. Angel didn't see the need to respond to the happy thing again. There was some gratification in it that he knew he shouldn't be taking, but he wasn't going to capitalize on it. That wasn't something he ever did.

Even if some part of him held onto that confirmation, more than he ever should.

"But that was the thing. We were separate. Who knows what this place is going to do, what's going to happen, who I'll become." There it was, the breaking point. He knew it, and he had a feeling that she knew it. No matter what it came to, it always came back to square one. They had lives to live. Things to do.

Then again, Angel couldn't help but wonder—what if he arrived around the same time as Connor, with those memories intact? Would this be less impossible?

Did it even matter now?

“Hell. Now that’s a fun ride.” She quips because it’s her default, because she can’t think of anything else to say, but she realizes that it sounds insensitive. There’s also the fact that she didn’t know about this- or anything about his life after the point where he left. They were that detached from each other.

She didn’t even know that he had a son.

“You know I’d stop you, if you ever-“ became that. She doesn’t have to say it. Buffy’s wondered and worried about this herself, almost directly after Angel arrived.

It frustrates her immensely- that she’s not in control here. And anyone who knows Buffy knows how she feels about problems that she can’t fix, can’t stake or beat up until it goes away. Give her monsters any day, but those problems? Not so much.

“We know better this time around. We’ll stop it.”

"Yeah. Definitely different when it's in LA, at least." Casual was something he could do. Quips, as normal and natural as they were, were things he could handle. They may be insensitive, but he didn't mind. Something normal in this conversation was welcome. There was too much weight, otherwise. Years separated them, time separated them, and standing here was almost pointless. It would always come back to the same issues, the same problems, wouldn't it?

"And—I know, Buffy. But what if—" you don't get to me in time. He didn't want to look at the terror Angelus could cause in the short time necessary to Buffy coming and stopping him. "Nothing. There's no room for that, right?"

“I promise you.”

There isn’t much she can do here, Buffy knows that. She can’t contend with the big boys and girls- the super powered vampires or Clark Kent or even the deities. The City suppresses powers and she slipped under the radar, which is mildly depressing if you really think about it.

Superhero girl is less…super, and more ‘girl’. And it’s not sitting well with her. But this promise she can make, and she will make. For Angel. He wouldn’t be able to handle turning into Angelus and realizing that he’d hurt someone. Not this time around.

“Right. There’s no room for that.” She flounders awkwardly, both slightly saddened but at the same time, grateful for the rift between them.

“I should…go. We shouldn’t even be talking right now. We’re too close.”

"Yeah, you're right. Back to distance? Talking over a network? I think I can handle that." The words came out a little faster than he intended them to, but Angel didn't mind that as much. He figured this was awkward enough. A few rushed phrasings wouldn't make much of a difference.

"We can do it." Angel knew it was a lie as soon as he said it. There was barely a wedge between them right now. That old familiarity kept slipping in. Just a few feet of distance was all it took, and it wasn't like he wanted that to happen. "It'll get easier." Another lie. It never got easier—they just got numb to it. They ignored it, but something like this, it never quite went away.

Familiarity equals bad things. Familiarity means that they start to forget why they were apart in the first place, it means that they start slipping into their old habits, and she doesn’t want that. Does she? No, of course she doesn’t. Angel was (mostly) out of her life before this, so why can’t things go back to the way they were?

It’s because the next time something hurts her, she’s going to want to come here. Her first thought will be to run to Angel, and she can’t do that anymore.

He’s right in thinking that physically, they’re not so far apart now. There’s some sort of weird gravity at work here- or maybe, again, it’s just habit.

“Right. We can do it. We’ll pull through somehow.” The words sound flat and hollow, even to her, and it sounds more as if she’s trying to convince herself than anyone else.

"We'll um- we'll keep in touch. Over the network."

[OOC- I think I'm gonna have to go to bed. I'll reply in the morning! <3]

"Yeah. It won't be weird." Angel hesitantly moved into the same position he had when she first was coming in, just inside of the doorway, back pressed to the wall. It was an action, not words, but he had a feeling it would speak enough of a volume for her to understand. There was no part of him that wanted to rush her out, but he had to force himself into this position. Saying that it was time to go was another thing. That meant verbal acknowledgment of all this to a new degree. It wasn't one he liked much, either.

"We'll be fine, Buffy." This was the most sincere thing he said so far, but the words were choked. His arms crossed again as he leaned against his place. "We always are, aren't we?" Adding that on made it seem false again. He didn't wait for her to respond before he cast an awkward glance toward the door.

"Troopers, that's us." she tries another attempt at a half-hearted quip but it falls flat on her ears and truth be told, she's almost glad when Angel makes the first move. Buffy can take a hint. She needs to bail, and now- and hope that distance would make things better.

What's the point of wanting something that's stuck in the past?

"So I'd better..go. And, Angel-" she puts a hand on the doorknob and hesitates- allowing herself one look back, and one only. "It's good to see you again."

That part is true.

log; ongoing

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