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tampered2006-08-31 09:59 am
proudbutterfly.livejournal.com) wrote in tampered2006-08-31 09:59 am
Log; Complete
When; 29th. Morning.
Rating; PG-13. Kissing, mild violence (ph34r dominant!Kurai!) and some morbid/disturbing stuff. Demon 'fluff.' Pretty harmless with angst/humor/romance.
Characters; Kurai (![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
anaguraruler) & Belial/Mad Hatter (proudbutterfly).
Summary; To improve Kurai's bad mood (after her drunk escapade with Greed), Belial fixes her breakfast. The Curse made they admit many things both kept denying to themselves.
Log;
The previous day hadn't been easy. She had woken up with a hangover that had left her retching and experiencing a headache and cotton mouth that just made her want to end it all. Somebody had left plenty of water for her, though, so that had been fortunate.
Unfortunately, she had not been so drunk that she couldn't remember that had happened. She remembered everything, though it was a little fuzzy. She didn't remember passing out, though, so she wasn't sure how she'd returned to the bed.
Confused, and horribly embarrassed, she had avoided everybody she could. If anybody in the circus had attempted to speak with her, she had made up some lame excuse and vacated. She ended up spending most of the day outside with her dragon or hidden in her room.
She had finally fallen asleep late in the night, only to experience a troubled sleep.
She kept dreaming of Setsuna and Alexiel. They were each on a deck of cards, and the cards kept dropping one by one, below to a pit of lava. Was she supposed pick one to save? Well she wanted to save Alexiel, but Alexiel could fly! Immediately, she grabbed hold of Setsuna and pulled him onto her dragon.
Alexiel didn't seem happy about that, and the next thing Kurai knew, she'd been run through with the Nanatsusaya. It hurt. Dreams weren't supposed to hurt.
Maybe it was the cold expression of indifference on her face that hurt.
She tried to ask Setsuna to help, but all he did was glare at her and shove her off the dragon. As she fell, she could see Sara and Lucifer slipping their arms around their respective partners, ignoring Kurai's screams for help. She couldn't fly! Why couldn't she fly?!
A hand caught her out of nowhere, and she strained to see, but she couldn't see whose face it was. They tried to pull her up, but suddenly the grip went slack, and Kurai fell again, finally seeing Belial standing over Arachne's corpse with a knife in his back and waving with a smile.
It was just as she hit the lava that she woke up screaming at the top of her lungs.
Belial had snuck into the Princess’ room earlier that morning, wearing a white outfit with black stripes and a round white hat with black roses on it. Sie had been secretly concern by the Princess’ withdrew attitude yesterday, more that she let know. Maybe if sie had been stricter and forbid her to go flying…
But no, Belial had spoiled the young ruler and sie did not want to lessen hir gifts and presents. That was how a demon worked, to indulge and tempt. Breakfast to be, all settled on a silver tray with an elegant, white rose in a vase, was another of those treats. Belial lowered the meal and drew a chair next to the bed, noticing Kurai’s perturbed state immediately.
Are you having a nightmare? Mad Hatter wondered and as soon that question crossed hir head, images assaulted the demon’s mind. The unpleasant dream weaved within hir brain and saw what Kurai experienced in those moments. Her piercing scream snapped Belial out the trance. Quickly, sie held Kurai’s shoulder to calm her.
What was that? Why one had to see that? She thought, patting the Princess awkwardly. “There, there, your Highness. A simple dream shouldn’t affect you, hmm?” Even as disturbing as was. You’re stronger than this.
Kurai was immediately calmed down when she felt someone pat her, accompanied by the familiar voice. Now that she was awake, and drenched with sweat, she still felt jittery, but she couldn't remember what her nightmare had been about. Just that she'd had one.
"Oh... Hatter?" She reached up to rub at her eyes, only to pause. Her thoughts...they were jumbled. She had thought that perhaps she had finally gotten them sorted out. She was feeling concerned about someone. Herself? What?
That was horrible. What was horrible? Oh, I don't like this. I can't let Hatter see me like this... Wait! I can't let Hatter see me!
She was just about to tell Mad Hatter to get out when she noticed the breakfast, and Belial's offer for it earlier finally clicked in. Curiosity drove her to lean over and poke at the flower.
I like single flowers better than bouquets, I think... They make it feel special. Oh God, what is it? Did he make it? Is it poison? Is he going to punish me for going into his room without permission? "Who made it...?"
Belial chuckled and released Kurai, picking the tray and placed it over her lap. She poured a cup of steamy cocoa into the empty cup. Silly girl, as if one will mention it. “Good morning, Sleeping Beauty. How much sugar?” inquired Hatter playfully, twirling the content with a teaspoon.
She paused the whirling and looked at Kurai in confusion. “I did and I didn’t potion it.” One likes you too much to kill you, Princess. Your lack of thrust makes me proud.
"I dunno. Two teaspoons..." She trailed off when she realized what Belial had just said. Or hadn't? What?
"I--I never said I didn't trust you! Why would you say that like I thought it was poisoned? I didn't! Stop assuming things." Although it was creepy how right Belial's assumption had been...
Snatching up the cup of cocoa, she started to take a sip, only to spit it back out. "Wait, what do you mean you you did and didn't? What's in it?"
Oh no. Not more alcohol, please.
Belial started to laugh hysterically, sie did not know what was happening but Kurai’s face was funny when got mad. She’s so cute when her eyes glare in rage. Almost enough to kiss her to see what face will grace to one’s sight.
“You blurted out about one wanting to poison you,” Belial clarified in good humor. “One did the breakfast but didn’t add alcohol or poison. Set your worries aside, hmm, Your Highness?” Sie added the two teaspoons of sugar as Kurai requested.
The young dragonmaster's jaw went slack. She had been staring right at Belial that time, and had heard the words though she hadn't seen his painted lips move.
With a loud yell of panic, she shoved the tray away, ignoring how the hot cocoa spilled everywhere as she scrambled out of bed, pointing and covering her mouth, as if that would keep her thoughts in.
"I did not! I just asked who made it! Get out of my head! And what do you mean, you want to kiss me just to piss me off? You jerk! I'LL grace your sight with something, all right!" Picking up the tray, she prepared to fling it right at Belial's face.
Belial blinked, moving away from Kurai as she lashed out at the stunned Hatter’s face. What is she talking about? mused the demon in silence, still bewildered by the violence of the young ruler.
Hir face bleached even more (as if was possible with the white paint) when Belial realized what was wrong. The thoughts, they poured out of control. “Princess, calm down,” sie urged, placing hir arms on position to defend hir face is necessary. “One isn’t doing anything. You are reading one’s thoughts as well without permission.” She didn’t complain to be kissed by Greed this much.
That made her pause, mouth open. The tray slipped right out of her hand, to hit herself on the top of the head. With a yelp, she clapped her hands over the minor injury as the tray clattered to the ground, and she glared.
"Th--th--that...! How did you-- You can read ALL my thoughts?! I wasn't... I mean he... I wasn't even around you to complain about it! See look, now I'm complaining! Complain complain complain do you think if I just keep talking you won't be able to hear my thoughts? Say yes yes yes, please!"
She was rambling, of course, in the hopes that it would work. All it did was jumble them up.
I can't believe he knows now! Damn it! Or did Greed tell him? I'll kick his ass! Just because I was drunk and didn't even have the chance to punch him didn't mean I wouldn't have! But I don't know if I really wanted to punch him. That kiss wasn't bad. His lips weren't as soft as I would think Lady Alexiel's are, though. I wonder what Hatter's are like? Wait, no! La la la!
“He didn’t,” Belial replied, being honest for once. It was pointless to lie on a day like this. A City curse, must be. Picking up the fallen white rose from among the broken china, the demon offered to Kurai. “One followed you, in case he tried something with you in that state.” Now, to brace one self from her fury of nosing when one wasn’t invited. One knew she would have punched him.
Straightening the hat, Belial expected to be the target of her next tantrum as it was usual lately.
Kurai was so utterly floored by this curse, at least that's what she assumed it was, that she just accepted the rose without thinking about it. Her mind was on other things.
Followed me? Knew I would punch him? Well yeah he was being a pervert! But so nice about it... And it's not like I'm a small child... Hatter was even prepared to make me Lucifer's bride.
She twirls the rose lamely, staring down at it, only to realize her thoughts weren't her own. Blushing again, she looked up. "Why did you follow me?! So then... So YOU were the one who kept blowing him off the roof?! I never even got a chance to say what I thought! You just butted in! I thought you were training the stupid penguins to make them go splat, you sicko!"
I can't believe him! I'm not allowed to make any decision for myself! Maybe I should have gone to stay with Rosiel! Lily makes him sound not so bad. At least he wouldn't stalk me if I went riding!
Belial smiled when Kurai accepted the rose and tipped the hat at her direction. Sie sat on the bed next, praising whatever demonic ward sie had installed on their personal quarters blocked other prying thoughts.
“He doesn’t deserve you,” Hatter said seriously. “You are noble, strikingly beautiful, pure and powerful. The only one worthy of you is the King of Hell.” Unlike the other brides, you are special.
“Your Messiah would have made one join me the penguins if one didn’t look after you,” Belial defended hirself calmly. Eyes narrowing slightly, flaring in ugly jealousy. One couldn’t forgive him to steal your first kiss. It was one’s.
“One was jealous!” Belial admitted aloud. It was better this way than have Kurai read hir thoughts. It was most humiliating if was taken without consent. This City would not crush hir pride.
Only Lucifer deserves me?! But I thought he thought of Lucifer as the best in the universe. So that means he only thinks I deserve the best? But wait, I'm not going to just sit around and never have a love life just because Hatter wants me to be one of a million damn brides to him!
Kurai's sharp rage was sufficiently dulled by the next thoughts and words of Belial's, and she dropped the rose to the floor, eyes almost as wide as her mouth was.
"J-j-jealous?! Of me? And HIM? You thought..."
What am I supposed to say to that!? Why would Hatter want to kiss me? If he wanted my first kiss, why didn't he just take it?! Did he expect me to sit around and wait for THAT, too? I always wondered, but damnit I'm not getting any younger! Wait...backtrack! Hatter wants to KISS ME? WAIT NO STOP THINKING, KURAI!
"AH!" Turning around, Kurai clutched her head and thunked it against her bedroom door repeatedly, as if that would force both hers and Belial's thoughts to shut up.
Pride, not affection. It's just a matter of pride, one is not concerned, Belial thought, tugging the hat down, trying to conceal hir face. Sie felt so bare, even with the heavy make-up. But one does and doesn't understand why.
Frowning, Hatter stood and reached out for Kurai before she hurt herself badly. "Your Highness, stop. It's a city curse." A day of this.
She was quick to swat Belial's hand away from her, whirling back around to face him. By this time, her cheeks were streaked with tears, and she found herself incapable of stopping them.
"I get it! I know it is! You... You just think of me as some marionette, don't you? I'm nothing more than some glass doll that nobody can touch except for when YOU feel like playing with me to make me do shiny shows for you. I'm just your stupid toy! That's why I'm special, isn't it? You don't want anyone playing with your toys?! You only don't mind how I feel for Lady Alexiel and Setsuna because you know I can never have them! I HATE YOU!"
I thought he was different! I thought we were so similar, but at least I think of people other than Lady Alexiel! He'll never love anyone except LUCIFER. At least Greed saw me as a WOMAN. Why aren't I allowed to desire anything that I can have? Hatter, you jerk! I thought you cared! Stupid me thinking a SATAN would give a damn!
And that was it.
Frustration mixed with Kurai’s voice making accusations in hir head, so annoyingly impossible to ignore made the collected Hatter lost hir edge. Without thinking, only by instinct, sie pulled Kurai to hir chest and lowered hir lips to cover her loud mouth.
Silence is much better, sie thought as sie kissed Kurai, cradling the back of her head softly. One sees you as a goddess, not a doll. A young, blooming one that could be shattered by those men. One knows them well. All men. All women. After the Bride fiasco ended, one wanted to be untainted to reach greatness and not be spoiled, not ended worthless like one and many of us. Sie broke the feathery kiss, smearing the face paint of hir face with gloved fingertips. “And lo, one failed. One kissed you. A goddess couldn’t be really touched by a worthless jester.”
The kiss most definitely silenced her mouth, and for the longest of moments until it ended, even her mind was blank as she absorbed Belial's thoughts. Her eyes remained open, but they were heavy-lidded and dulled, uncomprehending what was going on.
When the kiss was broken, so was her spell, and she blinked. Kurai opened her mouth as if to say something, only to close it again. Something flickered in her eyes. Fear. Then anger. Finally, frustration and determination.
Reaching out, the young princess grabbed hold of Mad Hatter's jacket and shoved forward, knocking both of them over in her unnecessary use of her warrior's strength.
Sprawled on the floor over Belial, her sleep-tousled hair fell to mostly shield her face, and she kept Belial's jacket clutched in tight fists while biting her lip as she concentrated on her thoughts as hard as she could.
So that's it? A goddess? Untouchable princess? I always thought I would want someone to think of my like that... But I know now that I don't! I'm me! Kurai! I laugh and I cry and I hate and I love! I really like pretty dresses and taking naps, but I also like to spar and even when I bicker with you, I don't mind it so much! I like to help people, especially Lady Alexiel! But I have selfish thoughts, too! And you think just a KISS would soil me?
The tears fell freely once again, glistening before dripping down onto Belial's face. "You were never worthless to me, Hatter! But am I now, to you?"
Hatter started to laugh and did not stop, with laughter the demon avoided to think and had hir mouth busy to talk. Hir hands kept messing with the make up, digging the face as self punishment. Sie did not move or resist when Kurai brought hir down, losing the hat during the fall.
It did not hurt, and sie doubt that would even bruise hir skin. Then as soon as it started the laughter stopped.
“Goddesses do all that,” commented Belial, wiping Kurai’s tears away with hir stained hands, smearing her skin with the clown make up. “One wanted to consider you a goddess so that way you wouldn’t be hurt. Demons can’t harm gods, can they?” One hurt you and will harm you. As demon one has no choice. Belial collected the thoughts. “But there was a way to avoid most of that.” Sie paused, “To see you grow strong, rule everything with pride and have everything you desired like Goddesses do. So you will have little regrets, little to be ashamed of. You would have brought all demons to a level one couldn’t lead.” And one could have followed if one still lived.
The tears couldn't stop. Belial's kind hand and thoughts only made them worse. Overcome with emotion, she doubled over and pounded her first against his chest while shuddering and trying to keep from outright sobbing like a stupid little baby.
"Your thoughts are so wrong. So wrong! I'll never be a Goddess. And you have NEVER been worthless. Stop being so pitiful!"
Kurai sniffed and snaked her arms around Belial's neck, hugging him...her...tightly. She wanted to, but she just couldn't stop how she was thinking.
The King of Hell may never have wanted you as a bride, but I would take you as mine!
Belial felt a bit of the air knocked out hir lungs and grinned. Strong right. “Don’t break one, Your Highness. This Hatter is fragile and made for tea parties only,” sie said mirthfully.
Then gave a deep sigh. “It has always been like this, hmm? He tells one what one is. You tell one what could have been. One loves you both, in different ways.” And is a weakness that Rosiel wanted to exploit. That one wants to crush but can’t, not anymore. Belial returned the tight embrace but shook hir head. “One doesn’t want to be anyone’s bride. Not even the King of Hell. To be a bride, means one has to choose a female role. Neither bride or groom.” Least of all a Bride out of Pity. Sie released Kurai and gave the Princess a quick kiss on the forehead. “You will never be happy with one. Look at you now, you aren’t.” One will hurt you, Your Highness. Never love a demon the way you love another being.
Kurai shut her eyes as Belial's words, all of them, coursed through her. She was so confused. Even her thoughts couldn't stay as composed as Belial's.
I did pity you. I pitied you so much. But since then, I've come to respect you! You're different from Setsuna. Different from Lady Alexiel.
She opened her eyes. They still shimmered with tears, but for now they stayed at bay. "They hurt me, too! You think it all has to be bad or good? It's always both, Hatter! Stop telling me what I should or shouldn't do! Stop telling me who I should or shouldn't be!"
The princess pulled one hand free to wipe at Belial's cheek. Show me your face...
Belial was taken aback by her maturity. Hir smile broad even. This is how you are, so strong, so certain. Just like him, you brought one to my knees. Sie obeyed to her request. Hatter felt compelled to do so, it was not for pride or amusement. I don’t know what.
“One hides this hideous face from Lucifer’s everlooking sight but you could gaze upon it,” answered Belial, taking the Princess’ hands, encouraging them to remove the make up. Only you. It was quite a long time hir face was so bare, it tickled without the paint. The face Asmodeous longed to gaze.
Inching up the sleeve of her pajama top to curl in her fist, she used it to smudge and wipe, switching to the other sleeve when the first would no longer work as well. She was silent as she did this, even her thoughts only occasionally filtering out as she concentrated.
I'm not strong... I fall for people I can never have... And being ugly doesn't matter to me... You should know... But you...
Her jaw went slack, and her hand finally fell away. Her thoughts had halted, merely a soft trickling buzz of wordless noise before she gasped out sincerely. "You're beautiful!"
Belial arched a brow up, “One is attractive, not the same as beautiful, Your Highness,” sie disagreed. “Beauty was worthless on me.” Sie snapped hir long fingers. “Is your curiosity satisfied?”
One will have to travel as butterfly to replace the make-up. Or paint one’s face with self blood. Nah, too melodramatic.
Kurai's brows furrowed in anger, and she grabbed Belial's wrists to keep them pinned, as if that would do anything. Don't!
"Don't hide from me! Don't patronize me! Beauty... Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right? I say you're beautiful, and I mean it! And I'm not just talking about your face or your body." Her nails dug in for a second, only for her grip to slack, and her features softened.
"Even your twisted logic is beautiful in some way... Hatter..." Why can't I make you happy?
Wish you haven’t said that, Princess. Wish this wasn’t difficult. “One knows you do,” Belial answered after the girl calmed down from her sudden dominant streak. Hir fingers reached to touch the end of her silver hair, tugging playfully.
“Because... one’s mad, even you can’t change and return one’s sanity,” Hatter reminded Kurai. Mad enough to choose a masochist posture with the ones one loves.
I think maybe if you were sane, I wouldn't love you so much.
That fluttered through her mind before she could stop it, and it made her twitch and jerk back. Averting her eyes out of embarrassment, Kurai's breath trembled.
"I guess we always hurt the ones we love, right? I read that a long time ago, but I didn't think it was true. I thought Lady Alexiel could never harm me. Setsuna could never cause me pain. But it's always unintentional, isn't it? Because... Angel, demon, human or even some dumb Goddess..." She reached up with her paint-smudged sleeves to hide her eyes. "We can't make everyone happy. We can't even make ourselves happy."
I want so many conflicting things, and I don't know what to act on. I don't know what's right or wrong anymore.
“You love one?” Belial asked, blue eyes widening. It sounded so strange. Sie had assumed that the Princess had affinity and nothing more. But it was true, the way the evil averted her eyes and looked flushed.
Silly Princess, why do you love one at all? Hatter searched for the lost hat, grasping it and placing on the top of hir head where it belonged. Love is a mess, isn’t it? Sie caressed the ruler’s cheek, trying to wipe away the smeared clown make-up until her skin was smooth and clean again.
“One thinks we shouldn’t hurry,” Belial repeated, gently pushing the Princess off so sie could rise. “Let this day of hysteria pass. One will stay here and we could talk about this tomorrow.”
Panic swelled up inside of her all of a sudden, overwhelming her and causing her to jump up and clutch at the back of Belial's jacket. "I'm sorry I wrecked the breakfast you made!"
Please don't cast me aside like all the others in the end. Am I no better than them now? Oh, what should I do? Say it was a lie!
"And I--I didn't.... It's just confusing! Don't be angry."
Belial pressed hir index finger on the Princess’ lips. “Hush, Your Highness. One isn’t angry for that.” It amuses one; your reactions are always fascinating to watch. Then lowered both hands to hold the clutching fists. “Relationships don’t last forever, you know this but one won’t cast you away.” You aren’t just a display of pride, unlike them. There is no pride courting you. But a different… feeling. “There will come a day that one could never return.” When Lucifer seeks me at last and one could die in peace after that.
Just hearing that made her hang her head. Kurai felt like an utter wimp with how many tears she seemed to be spilling today. Why do I have to cry so much like a little baby? No wonder everybody still calls me a kid.
Taking a deep breath, she reached up to wipe at her eyes furiously with her fingers. "I don't want you to go..." I'm tired of people leaving me! "But...I can't stop it... So can't you stay with me until then?"
She looked back up. "When I return home! Come with me!" He doesn't want you here, anyway!
Hatter grasped her face and wiped the tears flooding out her eyes. You are beautiful as you cry but one prefers you angry or happy, sie thought, taking the girl’s forearm and guiding her to the bed so she could sit.
“One will stay with you,” Belial promised. One wasn’t going to leave you soon. Where did you get that ridiculous fear. “And when we return home, one has to live in Gehenna. As emissary, one can visit Her Highness often.”
She nodded again, cheeks red with humiliation at her own confession and actions, and at flustered embarrassment from Belial's thoughts.
With a sigh, Kurai bit back a question she had wanted to ask, though it flowed through her mind without her even realizing it. Would you kill me if Lucifer told you to?
"Okay... Okay. I should...get dressed and stuff. I don't think I want breakfast anymore, though." Maybe she ought to stay in her room. Who knew what kinds of thoughts others had.
He wouldn’t order such thing. The Messiah will never forgive him, Belial thought upon listening Kurai’s fear. It was a well funded one, after all sie did try to sacrifice her to him once. One doesn’t know. A year ago, the answer would be yes. Now, one doesn’t even want to think about it.
“Your Highness, let us not speak of those matters,” urged the Hatter. It fouled the mood. Hir hand went into hir coat and pulled out a lollipop. “Here, for you. Hardly breakfast but will help to ease the hunger.”
The first part didn't answer Kurai's question. She knew Alexiel wouldn't let Lucifer give an order like that. But when Belial obviously didn't even want to think about it, Kurai felt soothed. That was enough of an answer for her.
Reaching out, she snatched the lollipop and stuck it in her mouth, then stood up. What a weird morning. I can't believe some of the stuff I did. Some stuff I almost di-- Her thought process seemed to stutter when she remembered Belial was still there, and she glared over her shoulder.
Reaching out, she grabbed his arm, then pushed and shoved him all the way to the door, her words muffled by the candy. "Okay okay! Enough hugging and crying! I wanna change, so get out you perv!" Opening the door, she gave one last shove out, sure to stick out her tongue before shutting the door in his face. I'll make him breakfast tomorrow...
The Hatter snapped hir fingers and made the broken china vanish from the floor. All traces of tea gone. After swept the dust out hir leather coat, the demon picked up the silver tray, eyes wondering at the Princess to drink her reactions.
She seemed content. How odd she was. Almost did? Hur hur, what did she hold back? Sie smiled goofily at Kurai's glare and shrunk when was roughly booted out the room. Belial stared at the door closing on hir clean face and smirked to hear those thoughts.
"If you want, Your Highness, one has a perfect maid outfit of your size to surprise one tomorrow," sie offered solicitously but did not stay to hear the answer. Instead, sie vanished in a swarm of butterfly that lost themselves in the Circus, away from Kurai, scattering thoughts about perversion, of the memories of Sodom and Gomorrah to the performers and the audience.
Rating; PG-13. Kissing, mild violence (ph34r dominant!Kurai!) and some morbid/disturbing stuff. Demon 'fluff.' Pretty harmless with angst/humor/romance.
Characters; Kurai (
anaguraruler) & Belial/Mad Hatter (proudbutterfly).Summary; To improve Kurai's bad mood (after her drunk escapade with Greed), Belial fixes her breakfast. The Curse made they admit many things both kept denying to themselves.
Log;
The previous day hadn't been easy. She had woken up with a hangover that had left her retching and experiencing a headache and cotton mouth that just made her want to end it all. Somebody had left plenty of water for her, though, so that had been fortunate.
Unfortunately, she had not been so drunk that she couldn't remember that had happened. She remembered everything, though it was a little fuzzy. She didn't remember passing out, though, so she wasn't sure how she'd returned to the bed.
Confused, and horribly embarrassed, she had avoided everybody she could. If anybody in the circus had attempted to speak with her, she had made up some lame excuse and vacated. She ended up spending most of the day outside with her dragon or hidden in her room.
She had finally fallen asleep late in the night, only to experience a troubled sleep.
She kept dreaming of Setsuna and Alexiel. They were each on a deck of cards, and the cards kept dropping one by one, below to a pit of lava. Was she supposed pick one to save? Well she wanted to save Alexiel, but Alexiel could fly! Immediately, she grabbed hold of Setsuna and pulled him onto her dragon.
Alexiel didn't seem happy about that, and the next thing Kurai knew, she'd been run through with the Nanatsusaya. It hurt. Dreams weren't supposed to hurt.
Maybe it was the cold expression of indifference on her face that hurt.
She tried to ask Setsuna to help, but all he did was glare at her and shove her off the dragon. As she fell, she could see Sara and Lucifer slipping their arms around their respective partners, ignoring Kurai's screams for help. She couldn't fly! Why couldn't she fly?!
A hand caught her out of nowhere, and she strained to see, but she couldn't see whose face it was. They tried to pull her up, but suddenly the grip went slack, and Kurai fell again, finally seeing Belial standing over Arachne's corpse with a knife in his back and waving with a smile.
It was just as she hit the lava that she woke up screaming at the top of her lungs.
Belial had snuck into the Princess’ room earlier that morning, wearing a white outfit with black stripes and a round white hat with black roses on it. Sie had been secretly concern by the Princess’ withdrew attitude yesterday, more that she let know. Maybe if sie had been stricter and forbid her to go flying…
But no, Belial had spoiled the young ruler and sie did not want to lessen hir gifts and presents. That was how a demon worked, to indulge and tempt. Breakfast to be, all settled on a silver tray with an elegant, white rose in a vase, was another of those treats. Belial lowered the meal and drew a chair next to the bed, noticing Kurai’s perturbed state immediately.
Are you having a nightmare? Mad Hatter wondered and as soon that question crossed hir head, images assaulted the demon’s mind. The unpleasant dream weaved within hir brain and saw what Kurai experienced in those moments. Her piercing scream snapped Belial out the trance. Quickly, sie held Kurai’s shoulder to calm her.
What was that? Why one had to see that? She thought, patting the Princess awkwardly. “There, there, your Highness. A simple dream shouldn’t affect you, hmm?” Even as disturbing as was. You’re stronger than this.
Kurai was immediately calmed down when she felt someone pat her, accompanied by the familiar voice. Now that she was awake, and drenched with sweat, she still felt jittery, but she couldn't remember what her nightmare had been about. Just that she'd had one.
"Oh... Hatter?" She reached up to rub at her eyes, only to pause. Her thoughts...they were jumbled. She had thought that perhaps she had finally gotten them sorted out. She was feeling concerned about someone. Herself? What?
That was horrible. What was horrible? Oh, I don't like this. I can't let Hatter see me like this... Wait! I can't let Hatter see me!
She was just about to tell Mad Hatter to get out when she noticed the breakfast, and Belial's offer for it earlier finally clicked in. Curiosity drove her to lean over and poke at the flower.
I like single flowers better than bouquets, I think... They make it feel special. Oh God, what is it? Did he make it? Is it poison? Is he going to punish me for going into his room without permission? "Who made it...?"
Belial chuckled and released Kurai, picking the tray and placed it over her lap. She poured a cup of steamy cocoa into the empty cup. Silly girl, as if one will mention it. “Good morning, Sleeping Beauty. How much sugar?” inquired Hatter playfully, twirling the content with a teaspoon.
She paused the whirling and looked at Kurai in confusion. “I did and I didn’t potion it.” One likes you too much to kill you, Princess. Your lack of thrust makes me proud.
"I dunno. Two teaspoons..." She trailed off when she realized what Belial had just said. Or hadn't? What?
"I--I never said I didn't trust you! Why would you say that like I thought it was poisoned? I didn't! Stop assuming things." Although it was creepy how right Belial's assumption had been...
Snatching up the cup of cocoa, she started to take a sip, only to spit it back out. "Wait, what do you mean you you did and didn't? What's in it?"
Oh no. Not more alcohol, please.
Belial started to laugh hysterically, sie did not know what was happening but Kurai’s face was funny when got mad. She’s so cute when her eyes glare in rage. Almost enough to kiss her to see what face will grace to one’s sight.
“You blurted out about one wanting to poison you,” Belial clarified in good humor. “One did the breakfast but didn’t add alcohol or poison. Set your worries aside, hmm, Your Highness?” Sie added the two teaspoons of sugar as Kurai requested.
The young dragonmaster's jaw went slack. She had been staring right at Belial that time, and had heard the words though she hadn't seen his painted lips move.
With a loud yell of panic, she shoved the tray away, ignoring how the hot cocoa spilled everywhere as she scrambled out of bed, pointing and covering her mouth, as if that would keep her thoughts in.
"I did not! I just asked who made it! Get out of my head! And what do you mean, you want to kiss me just to piss me off? You jerk! I'LL grace your sight with something, all right!" Picking up the tray, she prepared to fling it right at Belial's face.
Belial blinked, moving away from Kurai as she lashed out at the stunned Hatter’s face. What is she talking about? mused the demon in silence, still bewildered by the violence of the young ruler.
Hir face bleached even more (as if was possible with the white paint) when Belial realized what was wrong. The thoughts, they poured out of control. “Princess, calm down,” sie urged, placing hir arms on position to defend hir face is necessary. “One isn’t doing anything. You are reading one’s thoughts as well without permission.” She didn’t complain to be kissed by Greed this much.
That made her pause, mouth open. The tray slipped right out of her hand, to hit herself on the top of the head. With a yelp, she clapped her hands over the minor injury as the tray clattered to the ground, and she glared.
"Th--th--that...! How did you-- You can read ALL my thoughts?! I wasn't... I mean he... I wasn't even around you to complain about it! See look, now I'm complaining! Complain complain complain do you think if I just keep talking you won't be able to hear my thoughts? Say yes yes yes, please!"
She was rambling, of course, in the hopes that it would work. All it did was jumble them up.
I can't believe he knows now! Damn it! Or did Greed tell him? I'll kick his ass! Just because I was drunk and didn't even have the chance to punch him didn't mean I wouldn't have! But I don't know if I really wanted to punch him. That kiss wasn't bad. His lips weren't as soft as I would think Lady Alexiel's are, though. I wonder what Hatter's are like? Wait, no! La la la!
“He didn’t,” Belial replied, being honest for once. It was pointless to lie on a day like this. A City curse, must be. Picking up the fallen white rose from among the broken china, the demon offered to Kurai. “One followed you, in case he tried something with you in that state.” Now, to brace one self from her fury of nosing when one wasn’t invited. One knew she would have punched him.
Straightening the hat, Belial expected to be the target of her next tantrum as it was usual lately.
Kurai was so utterly floored by this curse, at least that's what she assumed it was, that she just accepted the rose without thinking about it. Her mind was on other things.
Followed me? Knew I would punch him? Well yeah he was being a pervert! But so nice about it... And it's not like I'm a small child... Hatter was even prepared to make me Lucifer's bride.
She twirls the rose lamely, staring down at it, only to realize her thoughts weren't her own. Blushing again, she looked up. "Why did you follow me?! So then... So YOU were the one who kept blowing him off the roof?! I never even got a chance to say what I thought! You just butted in! I thought you were training the stupid penguins to make them go splat, you sicko!"
I can't believe him! I'm not allowed to make any decision for myself! Maybe I should have gone to stay with Rosiel! Lily makes him sound not so bad. At least he wouldn't stalk me if I went riding!
Belial smiled when Kurai accepted the rose and tipped the hat at her direction. Sie sat on the bed next, praising whatever demonic ward sie had installed on their personal quarters blocked other prying thoughts.
“He doesn’t deserve you,” Hatter said seriously. “You are noble, strikingly beautiful, pure and powerful. The only one worthy of you is the King of Hell.” Unlike the other brides, you are special.
“Your Messiah would have made one join me the penguins if one didn’t look after you,” Belial defended hirself calmly. Eyes narrowing slightly, flaring in ugly jealousy. One couldn’t forgive him to steal your first kiss. It was one’s.
“One was jealous!” Belial admitted aloud. It was better this way than have Kurai read hir thoughts. It was most humiliating if was taken without consent. This City would not crush hir pride.
Only Lucifer deserves me?! But I thought he thought of Lucifer as the best in the universe. So that means he only thinks I deserve the best? But wait, I'm not going to just sit around and never have a love life just because Hatter wants me to be one of a million damn brides to him!
Kurai's sharp rage was sufficiently dulled by the next thoughts and words of Belial's, and she dropped the rose to the floor, eyes almost as wide as her mouth was.
"J-j-jealous?! Of me? And HIM? You thought..."
What am I supposed to say to that!? Why would Hatter want to kiss me? If he wanted my first kiss, why didn't he just take it?! Did he expect me to sit around and wait for THAT, too? I always wondered, but damnit I'm not getting any younger! Wait...backtrack! Hatter wants to KISS ME? WAIT NO STOP THINKING, KURAI!
"AH!" Turning around, Kurai clutched her head and thunked it against her bedroom door repeatedly, as if that would force both hers and Belial's thoughts to shut up.
Pride, not affection. It's just a matter of pride, one is not concerned, Belial thought, tugging the hat down, trying to conceal hir face. Sie felt so bare, even with the heavy make-up. But one does and doesn't understand why.
Frowning, Hatter stood and reached out for Kurai before she hurt herself badly. "Your Highness, stop. It's a city curse." A day of this.
She was quick to swat Belial's hand away from her, whirling back around to face him. By this time, her cheeks were streaked with tears, and she found herself incapable of stopping them.
"I get it! I know it is! You... You just think of me as some marionette, don't you? I'm nothing more than some glass doll that nobody can touch except for when YOU feel like playing with me to make me do shiny shows for you. I'm just your stupid toy! That's why I'm special, isn't it? You don't want anyone playing with your toys?! You only don't mind how I feel for Lady Alexiel and Setsuna because you know I can never have them! I HATE YOU!"
I thought he was different! I thought we were so similar, but at least I think of people other than Lady Alexiel! He'll never love anyone except LUCIFER. At least Greed saw me as a WOMAN. Why aren't I allowed to desire anything that I can have? Hatter, you jerk! I thought you cared! Stupid me thinking a SATAN would give a damn!
And that was it.
Frustration mixed with Kurai’s voice making accusations in hir head, so annoyingly impossible to ignore made the collected Hatter lost hir edge. Without thinking, only by instinct, sie pulled Kurai to hir chest and lowered hir lips to cover her loud mouth.
Silence is much better, sie thought as sie kissed Kurai, cradling the back of her head softly. One sees you as a goddess, not a doll. A young, blooming one that could be shattered by those men. One knows them well. All men. All women. After the Bride fiasco ended, one wanted to be untainted to reach greatness and not be spoiled, not ended worthless like one and many of us. Sie broke the feathery kiss, smearing the face paint of hir face with gloved fingertips. “And lo, one failed. One kissed you. A goddess couldn’t be really touched by a worthless jester.”
The kiss most definitely silenced her mouth, and for the longest of moments until it ended, even her mind was blank as she absorbed Belial's thoughts. Her eyes remained open, but they were heavy-lidded and dulled, uncomprehending what was going on.
When the kiss was broken, so was her spell, and she blinked. Kurai opened her mouth as if to say something, only to close it again. Something flickered in her eyes. Fear. Then anger. Finally, frustration and determination.
Reaching out, the young princess grabbed hold of Mad Hatter's jacket and shoved forward, knocking both of them over in her unnecessary use of her warrior's strength.
Sprawled on the floor over Belial, her sleep-tousled hair fell to mostly shield her face, and she kept Belial's jacket clutched in tight fists while biting her lip as she concentrated on her thoughts as hard as she could.
So that's it? A goddess? Untouchable princess? I always thought I would want someone to think of my like that... But I know now that I don't! I'm me! Kurai! I laugh and I cry and I hate and I love! I really like pretty dresses and taking naps, but I also like to spar and even when I bicker with you, I don't mind it so much! I like to help people, especially Lady Alexiel! But I have selfish thoughts, too! And you think just a KISS would soil me?
The tears fell freely once again, glistening before dripping down onto Belial's face. "You were never worthless to me, Hatter! But am I now, to you?"
Hatter started to laugh and did not stop, with laughter the demon avoided to think and had hir mouth busy to talk. Hir hands kept messing with the make up, digging the face as self punishment. Sie did not move or resist when Kurai brought hir down, losing the hat during the fall.
It did not hurt, and sie doubt that would even bruise hir skin. Then as soon as it started the laughter stopped.
“Goddesses do all that,” commented Belial, wiping Kurai’s tears away with hir stained hands, smearing her skin with the clown make up. “One wanted to consider you a goddess so that way you wouldn’t be hurt. Demons can’t harm gods, can they?” One hurt you and will harm you. As demon one has no choice. Belial collected the thoughts. “But there was a way to avoid most of that.” Sie paused, “To see you grow strong, rule everything with pride and have everything you desired like Goddesses do. So you will have little regrets, little to be ashamed of. You would have brought all demons to a level one couldn’t lead.” And one could have followed if one still lived.
The tears couldn't stop. Belial's kind hand and thoughts only made them worse. Overcome with emotion, she doubled over and pounded her first against his chest while shuddering and trying to keep from outright sobbing like a stupid little baby.
"Your thoughts are so wrong. So wrong! I'll never be a Goddess. And you have NEVER been worthless. Stop being so pitiful!"
Kurai sniffed and snaked her arms around Belial's neck, hugging him...her...tightly. She wanted to, but she just couldn't stop how she was thinking.
The King of Hell may never have wanted you as a bride, but I would take you as mine!
Belial felt a bit of the air knocked out hir lungs and grinned. Strong right. “Don’t break one, Your Highness. This Hatter is fragile and made for tea parties only,” sie said mirthfully.
Then gave a deep sigh. “It has always been like this, hmm? He tells one what one is. You tell one what could have been. One loves you both, in different ways.” And is a weakness that Rosiel wanted to exploit. That one wants to crush but can’t, not anymore. Belial returned the tight embrace but shook hir head. “One doesn’t want to be anyone’s bride. Not even the King of Hell. To be a bride, means one has to choose a female role. Neither bride or groom.” Least of all a Bride out of Pity. Sie released Kurai and gave the Princess a quick kiss on the forehead. “You will never be happy with one. Look at you now, you aren’t.” One will hurt you, Your Highness. Never love a demon the way you love another being.
Kurai shut her eyes as Belial's words, all of them, coursed through her. She was so confused. Even her thoughts couldn't stay as composed as Belial's.
I did pity you. I pitied you so much. But since then, I've come to respect you! You're different from Setsuna. Different from Lady Alexiel.
She opened her eyes. They still shimmered with tears, but for now they stayed at bay. "They hurt me, too! You think it all has to be bad or good? It's always both, Hatter! Stop telling me what I should or shouldn't do! Stop telling me who I should or shouldn't be!"
The princess pulled one hand free to wipe at Belial's cheek. Show me your face...
Belial was taken aback by her maturity. Hir smile broad even. This is how you are, so strong, so certain. Just like him, you brought one to my knees. Sie obeyed to her request. Hatter felt compelled to do so, it was not for pride or amusement. I don’t know what.
“One hides this hideous face from Lucifer’s everlooking sight but you could gaze upon it,” answered Belial, taking the Princess’ hands, encouraging them to remove the make up. Only you. It was quite a long time hir face was so bare, it tickled without the paint. The face Asmodeous longed to gaze.
Inching up the sleeve of her pajama top to curl in her fist, she used it to smudge and wipe, switching to the other sleeve when the first would no longer work as well. She was silent as she did this, even her thoughts only occasionally filtering out as she concentrated.
I'm not strong... I fall for people I can never have... And being ugly doesn't matter to me... You should know... But you...
Her jaw went slack, and her hand finally fell away. Her thoughts had halted, merely a soft trickling buzz of wordless noise before she gasped out sincerely. "You're beautiful!"
Belial arched a brow up, “One is attractive, not the same as beautiful, Your Highness,” sie disagreed. “Beauty was worthless on me.” Sie snapped hir long fingers. “Is your curiosity satisfied?”
One will have to travel as butterfly to replace the make-up. Or paint one’s face with self blood. Nah, too melodramatic.
Kurai's brows furrowed in anger, and she grabbed Belial's wrists to keep them pinned, as if that would do anything. Don't!
"Don't hide from me! Don't patronize me! Beauty... Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right? I say you're beautiful, and I mean it! And I'm not just talking about your face or your body." Her nails dug in for a second, only for her grip to slack, and her features softened.
"Even your twisted logic is beautiful in some way... Hatter..." Why can't I make you happy?
Wish you haven’t said that, Princess. Wish this wasn’t difficult. “One knows you do,” Belial answered after the girl calmed down from her sudden dominant streak. Hir fingers reached to touch the end of her silver hair, tugging playfully.
“Because... one’s mad, even you can’t change and return one’s sanity,” Hatter reminded Kurai. Mad enough to choose a masochist posture with the ones one loves.
I think maybe if you were sane, I wouldn't love you so much.
That fluttered through her mind before she could stop it, and it made her twitch and jerk back. Averting her eyes out of embarrassment, Kurai's breath trembled.
"I guess we always hurt the ones we love, right? I read that a long time ago, but I didn't think it was true. I thought Lady Alexiel could never harm me. Setsuna could never cause me pain. But it's always unintentional, isn't it? Because... Angel, demon, human or even some dumb Goddess..." She reached up with her paint-smudged sleeves to hide her eyes. "We can't make everyone happy. We can't even make ourselves happy."
I want so many conflicting things, and I don't know what to act on. I don't know what's right or wrong anymore.
“You love one?” Belial asked, blue eyes widening. It sounded so strange. Sie had assumed that the Princess had affinity and nothing more. But it was true, the way the evil averted her eyes and looked flushed.
Silly Princess, why do you love one at all? Hatter searched for the lost hat, grasping it and placing on the top of hir head where it belonged. Love is a mess, isn’t it? Sie caressed the ruler’s cheek, trying to wipe away the smeared clown make-up until her skin was smooth and clean again.
“One thinks we shouldn’t hurry,” Belial repeated, gently pushing the Princess off so sie could rise. “Let this day of hysteria pass. One will stay here and we could talk about this tomorrow.”
Panic swelled up inside of her all of a sudden, overwhelming her and causing her to jump up and clutch at the back of Belial's jacket. "I'm sorry I wrecked the breakfast you made!"
Please don't cast me aside like all the others in the end. Am I no better than them now? Oh, what should I do? Say it was a lie!
"And I--I didn't.... It's just confusing! Don't be angry."
Belial pressed hir index finger on the Princess’ lips. “Hush, Your Highness. One isn’t angry for that.” It amuses one; your reactions are always fascinating to watch. Then lowered both hands to hold the clutching fists. “Relationships don’t last forever, you know this but one won’t cast you away.” You aren’t just a display of pride, unlike them. There is no pride courting you. But a different… feeling. “There will come a day that one could never return.” When Lucifer seeks me at last and one could die in peace after that.
Just hearing that made her hang her head. Kurai felt like an utter wimp with how many tears she seemed to be spilling today. Why do I have to cry so much like a little baby? No wonder everybody still calls me a kid.
Taking a deep breath, she reached up to wipe at her eyes furiously with her fingers. "I don't want you to go..." I'm tired of people leaving me! "But...I can't stop it... So can't you stay with me until then?"
She looked back up. "When I return home! Come with me!" He doesn't want you here, anyway!
Hatter grasped her face and wiped the tears flooding out her eyes. You are beautiful as you cry but one prefers you angry or happy, sie thought, taking the girl’s forearm and guiding her to the bed so she could sit.
“One will stay with you,” Belial promised. One wasn’t going to leave you soon. Where did you get that ridiculous fear. “And when we return home, one has to live in Gehenna. As emissary, one can visit Her Highness often.”
She nodded again, cheeks red with humiliation at her own confession and actions, and at flustered embarrassment from Belial's thoughts.
With a sigh, Kurai bit back a question she had wanted to ask, though it flowed through her mind without her even realizing it. Would you kill me if Lucifer told you to?
"Okay... Okay. I should...get dressed and stuff. I don't think I want breakfast anymore, though." Maybe she ought to stay in her room. Who knew what kinds of thoughts others had.
He wouldn’t order such thing. The Messiah will never forgive him, Belial thought upon listening Kurai’s fear. It was a well funded one, after all sie did try to sacrifice her to him once. One doesn’t know. A year ago, the answer would be yes. Now, one doesn’t even want to think about it.
“Your Highness, let us not speak of those matters,” urged the Hatter. It fouled the mood. Hir hand went into hir coat and pulled out a lollipop. “Here, for you. Hardly breakfast but will help to ease the hunger.”
The first part didn't answer Kurai's question. She knew Alexiel wouldn't let Lucifer give an order like that. But when Belial obviously didn't even want to think about it, Kurai felt soothed. That was enough of an answer for her.
Reaching out, she snatched the lollipop and stuck it in her mouth, then stood up. What a weird morning. I can't believe some of the stuff I did. Some stuff I almost di-- Her thought process seemed to stutter when she remembered Belial was still there, and she glared over her shoulder.
Reaching out, she grabbed his arm, then pushed and shoved him all the way to the door, her words muffled by the candy. "Okay okay! Enough hugging and crying! I wanna change, so get out you perv!" Opening the door, she gave one last shove out, sure to stick out her tongue before shutting the door in his face. I'll make him breakfast tomorrow...
The Hatter snapped hir fingers and made the broken china vanish from the floor. All traces of tea gone. After swept the dust out hir leather coat, the demon picked up the silver tray, eyes wondering at the Princess to drink her reactions.
She seemed content. How odd she was. Almost did? Hur hur, what did she hold back? Sie smiled goofily at Kurai's glare and shrunk when was roughly booted out the room. Belial stared at the door closing on hir clean face and smirked to hear those thoughts.
"If you want, Your Highness, one has a perfect maid outfit of your size to surprise one tomorrow," sie offered solicitously but did not stay to hear the answer. Instead, sie vanished in a swarm of butterfly that lost themselves in the Circus, away from Kurai, scattering thoughts about perversion, of the memories of Sodom and Gomorrah to the performers and the audience.