tampered | Log; Complete

Log; Complete

When; Saturday night
Rating; PG-13
Characters; Rachel Grey

starchilde_lost and James T. Kirk

starfleet_pimp
Summary; Rachel has some issues, Kirk's about to find out how far they go. Sorry, Captain.
Log;

With Niko and so many of the others out she'd been glad to pick up the extra closing shift at the Lux even if it meant walking home in the raging blizzard. It meant less time to dwell on things, less time to worry about home, less time to face the nightmares when she slept. She knew Kitty was worried, she knew Logan was worried, hell, by now people she didn't even know were probably worried, but how could she explain it?

How could she explain that all the progress she'd made before leaving Earth was suddenly gone, suddenly swept away by finding herself back in a place where she couldn't fight back. Not against the people who murdered most of her family or the despot that wanted to murder the rest. That these days she felt as broken as she had the day it had happened, maybe even more so. How could she explain the horror of seeing her family killed over and over again every time she closed her eyes to sleep? That the only way around it was working until she couldn't think anymore and then praying, praying, she would be too tired to dream. After everything they'd done for her, how could she tell them she was falling apart?

And then there was her other problem, minor in comparison, but an added problem nonetheless, stacking chairs across the room while she was finishing behind the bar. James T. Kirk, Captain of the freaking Enterprise, and still looking too much like someone she lost a long time ago. Looking like, and these days acting like since he'd started hinting that she was working too hard, maybe she should take a break, not wear herself out... Worrying about her and looking out for her, just like Franklin always had.

Like she needed those wounds re-opened. At this rate she was going to bleed out.

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Kirk was glad that he had the same shift as Rachel, today. After how he had acted at the party, he needed to apologize to her. He had no right to tell her if she could or couldn't lie to him. Whatever she was dealing with was personal and if she wanted him to think everything was fine, that was her right.

After all the customers had gone, Kirk walked up to where she was behind the bar and leaned on the counter, giving her a small smile.

"So can I buy you a drink as a way of apology for how I acted?" he asked her. "I'll even mix it for you."

Rachel paused, considering. Now that it was just the two of them, she really wanted to just finish up and get out, but it would be rude not let him apologize. Besides, maybe if he got it out of his system he'd go back to being just that guy she talked to on her shift sometimes.

"Sure, why not - just nothing too strong, okay?"

"How about just a few shots of whiskey then?" he said, smiling more broadly now at her. Coming around to the other side of the counter, he got out a glass, put some ice in it and selected a nice bottle of whiskey.

"And this is all I'll say about it, but if you need to talk to someone, maybe someone not from your world, you can talk to me," he said as he poured before handing her the glass. "Now drink up."

"Captain, straight whiskey's not exactly what I'd call soft."

Still she took the glass to be polite and gave it a sip. "Thanks, but no thanks. You don't need to worry, I'll be fine."

She'd said the lie so many times by now it was habit.

"It is if you drink it slowly," he argued. He was fairly sure she wasn't fine, but she did say she will be fine, not that she was.

"You need to do something fun," Kirk said. "Not like the party, those as stressful to plan. Something fun like... dancing. Come dance with me, just one dance."

Excuse me young lady, but wasn't I promised this dance?

She can hear the voice like it was yesterday and the pain that accompanies the memory is startling in it's intensity. Still, she manages to keep her face steady, giving no outward appearance that' anything's wrong.

"No thank you, Captain.."

"It's just a dance," Kirk said, not quite backing down. "No ulterior motives other than I just want you to enjoy yourself. You can even read my mind about it if you want."

"No, it's not I..." Rachel fought to keep her voice even as her heart was pounding in her ears.

I'm sorry, Gram'pa, I don't know how to dance.

"I... don't know how. But thanks."

Kirk looked at her for a moment without saying anything, just studying her. He knew she wasn't alright, but he had promised not to push anything.

"Alright," he said with a nod. "But if you ever want to learn, I can teach. It's not hard."

Then, Rachel it will be my very great pleasure to teach you.

And that was all she could take. As her memory dredged up the images of that night, she closed her eyes and started to leave. She couldn't even speak, trying to just go before she fell apart completely. Before he could see.

Edited 2009-06-21 03:33 (UTC)

"Rachel, wait," Kirk said, moving to stop her from going. He could see how much he said had just affected her.

"Look, this was none of my business before but I'm obviously upsetting you," he said. "I don't want to and if you don't tell me what I'm doing that's hurting you, I can't stop doing it."

Rachel just shook her head, still trying to walk away from the memories and the anger. She couldn't think right through the pain.

"No, Scrapper, please just let me go."

She started to brush past him.

Kirk gently put a hand on her arm. Who the hell was Scrapper? It sounded like something you'd name a dog.

"Kirk," he corrected. "Not Scrapper, James T. Kirk."

"No, no I can't... please..."

She was beyond the voice and all she was aware of was someone trying to stop her. Rachel seized the power within her.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!"

And she pushed.

Before he knew what was going on, Kirk was flying backwards. He slammed into one of the tables hard enough to smash it, splinters digging into his back through his clothing.

"You hit hard for a girl," was his only comment.

After the initial burst of power, Rachel's resolve finally broke. The bright blue raptor faded and she crumbled to the ground, crying.

With a groan and a wince of pain Kirk sat up and dusted himself off as well he could before moving over to Rachel. Despite her order to leave her alone, Kirk put his arms around her and held her against him, for once not saying anything.

She tried to speak through the sobs, her voice hoarse and hard to understand.

"I'm so s-sorry... I couldn't save them, couldn't s-save y-you... can't even... can't find the bastards... I can't... I just can't... everyone leaves me b-behind..."

"Rachel, listen to me," he said, trying to speak clearly and calmly. She obviously thought he was someone else, someone that had died. "This is James, I need you to come back to the here and now with me."

Rachel's muttering tapered off, but the crying was much slower to stop. On some level she knew the person holding her wasn't Franklin, but she held onto the illusion for just a moment longer remembering how it felt to be held like that by him.

Slowly she pushed herself away and sat with her knees tucked underneath her chin, her eyes still closed.

Kirk sat down next to her, wincing a bit at the pain in his back, until he could more easily hold her against him. She had seemed to calm down a bit, although was still by no means "good".

"You want to talk about it?" he asked.

Did she want to talk about it? No. Did she need to? Probably because if this ever happened in a crowd or... Rachel slowly opened her eyes and took a shuddering breath. What the hell...

"Did I ever tell you I'm not originally from the world I live in?"

No, that was definitely news to Kirk. Did anybody ever stay in their world and their timeline?

"No, I didn't know that."

Rachel scrubbed at her eyes and looked out toward nothing. "My world, my timeline... it got screwed up. Everyone I loved, family friends, they all died. I was supposed to go back and fix it, but I ended up in the wrong timeline - a different world."

She took another shuddering breath, "But my family, my friends, they were all alive there and I made a new home. I had a brother I never had before, and my mom... well it took her awhile to get used to the idea of me, but she did. It was pretty good. There were some issues, but it was good, and that's where I was when I first came here - when you first met me."

Kirk listened and nodded as she spoke. It sounded a bit familiar to him, similar to what Spock must be going through, only he wasn't trying to save the world by going back in time. He couldn't imagine what kind of pressure Rachel was under.

"But something happened when you left and came back?" he prompted.

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