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tampered2009-08-18 06:14 pm
guardianhime.livejournal.com) wrote in tampered2009-08-18 06:14 pm
Blood World - Incomplete
When; 3:30 AM August 19, 2009
Rating; PG13
Characters; Yuuki Kurosu (![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
guardianhime ), Zero Kiryuu (missingthread )
Summary; "The world is dyed with the color of blood. It will never be able to go back to the way it was before."
Log;
Hand falling over the silver revolver, Yuuki's arm trembled violently as she grasped the weapon, snatching it from the blood stained table. It felt out of sorts in her hand, heavier than the weapon she was accustomed to. Artemis, shifting strangely beneath her grasp, was with her too. But it wasn't enough. She knew how to wield it enough to defend herself normally, but not against this, not now. Get close to it...? The trembling worsened.
I won't be eaten. Go away...Go--!
Violence and death were things Yuuki abhorred, but devoured alive....tortured?
NO-!
Gaze passing over the torn curtains and blood splattered room, she gagged as she turned back into the hall, only to be met by the same gruesome scene. Blood...there was just so much of it. No matter where she turned, it reached as far as the eye could see. How had things become like this? Why?
The presence of the creature filled her mind, and it was all Yuuki could do not to scream or freeze to the spot. Teeth gritting, the grip on her weapons tightened. From every nook and cranny it felt as though it had eyes, following her footsteps. It had been there a long time...watching her, waiting for her. She could physically feel it's desire to sink it's fangs into her throat and end her life. Soaked in a cold sweet, she squeezed her eyes closed tight, her head pounding. No...I-I have to get out. She wasn't helpless, she tried to remind herself and forced herself forward.
Walking along the ruined hall, her breath was heavy and strained, though she tried to still each frightened tremor. An arm brushed against the wall, leaving behind a fresh trail of red. Already her clothes were tattered, stained beyond repair. Another smear to mar her normally pale skin should have been nothing but salt stung the corners of her eyes. This was just too much.
Pausing cautiously to the enterance of the living room, Yuuki raised Bloody Rose ahead of her, Artemis tucked within the nook of her arm. She needed to escape...get out of this blood red world. Eyes sweeping the room, her steps were small and measured when she heard it.
Breath catching, Yuuki's eyes widened as they swiveled to her right, and any amount of composure she had held onto vanished.
There ahead of her, sat a set of hungry eyes, one blue...one red, embedded into the bloody mass of what should have been a man. Immediately it caught her gaze and as it did so, a mouth formed, twisting into a sardonic smile. Fangs bared it didn't need to speak for it's unspoken promise to reach her.
Lips parting into an silent scream, pure absolute terror froze Yuuki to the spot, as her blood ran cold.
I--I'm really...going to be eaten.
This was wrong. It wasn't how it was supposed to be. She didn't want to die.
NO--!! Biting down hard, her eyes darkened, body shaking uncontrollably. Eat her...!? She wasn't helpless....she wouldn't give into such a pathetic fate! That thing was just a monster that wanted her dead-! As though she would sit aside and give it the opportunity! Releasing the safety on Bloody Rose, Yuuki used both hands to attempt and level the weapon at creature as it shifted forward toward her. All of it had come down to this. It was kill or be killed!
"LEAVE ME ALONE-!"
Finger pressing the trigger, the sound of a gun shot echoed loudly through the apartment.
Rating; PG13
Characters; Yuuki Kurosu (
guardianhime ), Zero Kiryuu (missingthread )Summary; "The world is dyed with the color of blood. It will never be able to go back to the way it was before."
Log;
Hand falling over the silver revolver, Yuuki's arm trembled violently as she grasped the weapon, snatching it from the blood stained table. It felt out of sorts in her hand, heavier than the weapon she was accustomed to. Artemis, shifting strangely beneath her grasp, was with her too. But it wasn't enough. She knew how to wield it enough to defend herself normally, but not against this, not now. Get close to it...? The trembling worsened.
I won't be eaten. Go away...Go--!
Violence and death were things Yuuki abhorred, but devoured alive....tortured?
NO-!
Gaze passing over the torn curtains and blood splattered room, she gagged as she turned back into the hall, only to be met by the same gruesome scene. Blood...there was just so much of it. No matter where she turned, it reached as far as the eye could see. How had things become like this? Why?
The presence of the creature filled her mind, and it was all Yuuki could do not to scream or freeze to the spot. Teeth gritting, the grip on her weapons tightened. From every nook and cranny it felt as though it had eyes, following her footsteps. It had been there a long time...watching her, waiting for her. She could physically feel it's desire to sink it's fangs into her throat and end her life. Soaked in a cold sweet, she squeezed her eyes closed tight, her head pounding. No...I-I have to get out. She wasn't helpless, she tried to remind herself and forced herself forward.
Walking along the ruined hall, her breath was heavy and strained, though she tried to still each frightened tremor. An arm brushed against the wall, leaving behind a fresh trail of red. Already her clothes were tattered, stained beyond repair. Another smear to mar her normally pale skin should have been nothing but salt stung the corners of her eyes. This was just too much.
Pausing cautiously to the enterance of the living room, Yuuki raised Bloody Rose ahead of her, Artemis tucked within the nook of her arm. She needed to escape...get out of this blood red world. Eyes sweeping the room, her steps were small and measured when she heard it.
Breath catching, Yuuki's eyes widened as they swiveled to her right, and any amount of composure she had held onto vanished.
There ahead of her, sat a set of hungry eyes, one blue...one red, embedded into the bloody mass of what should have been a man. Immediately it caught her gaze and as it did so, a mouth formed, twisting into a sardonic smile. Fangs bared it didn't need to speak for it's unspoken promise to reach her.
Lips parting into an silent scream, pure absolute terror froze Yuuki to the spot, as her blood ran cold.
I--I'm really...going to be eaten.
This was wrong. It wasn't how it was supposed to be. She didn't want to die.
NO--!! Biting down hard, her eyes darkened, body shaking uncontrollably. Eat her...!? She wasn't helpless....she wouldn't give into such a pathetic fate! That thing was just a monster that wanted her dead-! As though she would sit aside and give it the opportunity! Releasing the safety on Bloody Rose, Yuuki used both hands to attempt and level the weapon at creature as it shifted forward toward her. All of it had come down to this. It was kill or be killed!
"LEAVE ME ALONE-!"
Finger pressing the trigger, the sound of a gun shot echoed loudly through the apartment.
no subject
He worried about her, it wasn't natural and she obviously was dealing with more than even he could understand. That she didn't like to talk about it worried him, since Yuuki tended to tell him everything. Even if he didn't particularly want to hear it.
Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he listened as she made her way around their apartment. Yuuki had mentioned on several occasions that she was having bad dreams. But the fact that she wasn't allowing herself to even get to the point that she let herself experience sleep at all was not only dangerous but not healthy.
She'd managed to get the two of them into a strange routine during the past couple of months. It wasn't often that either of them slept in their own rooms anymore. Yuuki had convinced both himself and Yori when she'd been here that they needed to have movie marathons.
Every night.
That was when he first realized something was truly wrong. Yori would crash early, falling asleep in one of the chairs. Eventually Zero tried to convince Yuuki it was time to head to bed, but she always wanted to watch just one more movie.
Until he fell asleep himself.
Some nights he woke up to her screaming or crying. She always claimed she had just had a bad dream. But...most people remained asleep as they had nightmares and needed to be woken up. That's what she'd done for him when he'd first arrived to live with her and the headmaster. Thing was, she was always awake. As if she was in a trance and needed snapped out of it.
She always brushed it off as if it was nothing when it was obvious it was terrifying her.
Her footsteps returning down the hall, Zero slowly sat up from his place on the couch. "Yuuki?" he said sleepily, getting to his feet as her shadow crossed the doorway. The flash of silver reflected in the rays of light coming from down the hall. Surprised, Zero got up from his place on the couch and to his feet as he moved forward. "What are you doing?"
She screamed at him to leave her alone and he froze, finding himself on the other side of his own weapon. Bloody Rose gripped tightly within her grasp, he wasn't positive if she was currently sane or not...but it could be a manifestation of what had happened the other night when he'd fed from her in the first time in nearly a year.
Eyes closed, he stood still hoping she'd pull herself out of her nightmare before hurting either of them. Not wanting to move lest he'd draw her attention.
The shot rang within his head, arm stinging immediately before the burning intensified. It wasn't the first time he'd been shot by his own gun, but at least it wasn't in a dangerous place. His arm would heal eventually. There were more important things right now. "Yuuki, wake up please."
no subject
The voice was quiet, distant, and barely registered to the young guardian. It was enough to make her pause though, body freezing as the familiarity crept into her conscience.
...Huh...?
Slowly confusion softened the frenzied expression that had taken possession of her face. Wake up...? The pounding in her head intensified as a hollow sinking feeling began to knot within the pit of her stomach. The transformation from her nightmare induced state to reality was a visible one. Vision clearing, it was as though a foggy mist slowly faded from her eyes.
"I..."
Nauseous, the entirety of her body began to tremble violently. Gaze falling to the revolver held tightly in her grasp, she swallowed thickly. Bloody Rose...? A sense of rising panic swelled inside her chest. Why...What would she be doing...with Zero's weapon?
"What...d-did I..."
Terrified, her head rose slowly, absolutely frightened of the scene that could meet her eyes. Standing about eight feet from herself stood Zero, cradling one arm in his grasp as he faced her. The reality of the situation struck her powerfully. Immediately her eyes widened in horror. Shaking uncontrollably the gun clattered to the floor loudly as it slipped from her hands.
"Ze....ro..."
Legs collapsing, her knees crashed the floor, Artemis rolling away from her. Hands rising they covered her face in horrified shock. Bile rose in her throat as panic over took her, mouth opening as she started to screech frantically in rising tones.
"Zero....Zero! ZERO! "
no subject
The gun dropped to the floor with a clatter, It was his gun, the one he almost always had on him except when he was sleeping. He'd never thought of locking it away from her, since the only person that held any interest in the weapon had always been him.
He didn't move to grab it, just left it there resting on the ground where it landed as Yuuki's body shook, his name softly falling from her lips before she crumpled to her knees on the floor.
Hands covering her face, she began to scream his name over and over as she realized what she'd done. His own shock wearing off, Zero moved to close the gap between them, reaching her side just as the tears began to soak her cheeks as they streamed down her face.
Embracing Yuuki, he was more concerned about her own sake than any injuries he'd sustained from her attack on him.
"It's okay. I'm fine," his voice soothing, trying to reassure her to the best of his ability.
Arms tightening around her, he felt a sharp twinge in his bicep where he'd been hit and winced slightly. He clenched his teeth together to prevent himself from outwardly reminding her of his injury, but couldn't help the hiss that slipped from his mouth briefly.
"I'm here. It takes a lot more than that to get rid of me."
no subject
"I'm sorry, I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I-I'm so sorry. Zero-!" She cried hysterically. Just what kind of monster was she turning into? What was wrong with her? I shot Zero...I....I really...almost...
Pushing back from him, she stared up into his face, water clinging wetly to her lashes as the waterfall of tears continued to stream down her face in a steady flow.
"I COULD HAVE KILLED YOU-!" She shouted, eyes round and terrified. It felt like she was going to get sick in any second, and she had to swallow down the bile that rose to the front of her throat. Fists clenching into the fabric of his shirt, her mind was frenzied and chaotic as she tried to come to grips with what she had almost done. Even when she was awake...those endless nightmares haunted her. Tonight it had come down to the fact that...she could no longer separate reality from those blood soaked delusions.
A-Am I really...losing my mind...?
A sudden groan from Zero, and fear escalated inside of her. Immediately she redirected her attention to his arm. Crying? She was crying about how she had hurt him, before even accessing the injury!? Obviously panicked, she reached carefully for the arm he had held directly after she'd shot him.
"Y-You're wound-! I have to...I have to..."
What was she supposed to do!? She was so emotional and scattered that she could barely think clearly about the next logical step. Except that...there was something she could do. It was the one thing she was capable of doing for him. What made her useful.
"Y-You can drink my blood!" She finally exclaimed. That was right. It was the best method...it was only through drinking blood that a vampire could heal quickly if not a noble or above, right? It was important, he needed healed. She could help heal him. "Just drink my blood Zero-!" How silly of her to forget or flounder for a moment. This was all that it took. He needed it. "If you drink it, you'll be better!" She continued, a measure of relief entering her voice as she turned her gaze back onto his. Yes, this was right!
"Hurry, quickly! All you have to do is just drink my blood!"
no subject
Yuuki pulled away from him, only to have her emotions cycle to anger. Yelling at him for allowing her to shoot him. It was all a pretty ridiculous accusation for her to make. "I was sleeping," he said calmly, he might have attempted to stop her if he'd been given more warning. "I'd heard you up and around and was coming to check on you."
It's not like he'd expected her to be carrying around Bloody Rose on her like that. It wasn't even her weapon, she had Artemis. Tightening his hold on her, Zero attempted to distract her from her anger by refocusing the attention back on her. Instead the flexing of his bicep only brought a painful burn through his entire arm, making him bite off the words he was going to say to come out as a sound of pain.
The noise was like a dosage of cold water on someone daydreaming. It drew her attention immediately and completely in exactly the way he'd not wanted it to.
"I'm not drinking your blood."
He tried to be as firm about this topic as possible. He'd spent a whole year here without ever requiring anything from her. The other day had just been a moment of weakness on his part during a curse day. He wouldn't repeat it, he had too much to lose in doing so.
"You don't know if that was in part responsible for what happened. This had all started before you even arrived here, " Zero couldn't help but voice some of the fears he'd had from this whole situation for the past year he'd had to sit and think it over as she seemed to break down.
"If it got so bad tonight because of what we did the other day, neither of us would ever forgive each other."
no subject
"What are you talking about!?"
That was impossible! She always felt fine after the nights she shared her blood with him in secret, the only difference being an occasional feeling of anemia. That was normally cured with a bit of rest, and making sure that she ate plenty of iron. It wasn't like he took too much from her, not normally. More than that...it had been a long time since they had done anything like that. He always refused her attempts in the city, insisting that the blood packs were enough for him. Dumbfounded, she knew that it was the most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard.
"You...you honestly believe that the reason I attacked you, was because of..."
Anger flashed across her face. The stupid....moron. He makes it seem as though what just happened...is his own fault. She was furious.
"Don't be so arrogant or stupid! As though you could have that sort of affect on me! This has nothing to do with you, just shut up with that sort of talk!" A soft, disbelieving laugh escaped her lips as she continued. Her emotions were all across the board, but that was inexcusable. That sort of thought process was dangerous. "Here I nearly killed you...and you're trying to tell me that it is your fault that I'm so messed up? Don't make excuses for me!"
She wasn't the victim. Would he really never understand? The one who continually fed off the other...was her. Even as she yelled at him, the tears continued to fall down her cheeks.
One of these days he's going to realize it. When that happened...what would he do? Remembering back to the Zero she saw in the fountain, her stomach twisted painfully. He's going to abandon me. Even Quinn told her to simply enjoy the time she had left with him. The Zero from the future...had made it clear that he was no friend to her. No...
Fear shot through her eyes, and Yuuki desperately redirected her attention. Grabbing his cheeks in her hands, it didn't register that her words now contradicted what she had said just seconds before. "Are you going to leave...?" She had just shot him...what sane person would stay with another after they had just tried to kill them? If he wanted to go, didn't he have every right?
"Don't you hate me...? Y-You must really hate me now..."
no subject
Leaving again...
Yuuki had been so distracted with these thoughts lately, more so than she usually was, which he guessed that should definitely be blamed on him. He had never planned on staying alive long, a fact that she knew even without him having to ever voice aloud. Still, he wouldn't just break a promise to her like that.
He'd already given away his own life to her, for her own purposes and to do with whatever she needed. If she'd wanted him dead, he'd gladly succumb to what she wanted. Even if it was by his own weapon.
Where would he even go? He made a promise to her that he'd not take his life for granted, since she was literally doing everything she could to ensure he remained alive. Zero knew his life belonged to her, he had no where else he needed to be.
"Where would I go?" he said calmly, meeting her gaze with his own as he attempted to soothe her nerves a little. "I promised I'd stay here as long as you still needed me. I don't have any intention of leaving."
Forehead leaning against hers, he closed his eyes and sighed. "This isn't the first time I've seen this happen, you know that."
"You aren't even sleeping, are you? But you still have nightmares when you're awake. You talk in them." They'd been here for nearly a year, he'd seen her say or do some really strange things while she was supposed to be sleeping. Opening his eyes, Zero focused on her with as much seriousness as he could manage.
"Is it really any wonder that I think it has something to do with me when so often you scream about someone wanting to eat you while you're having them?"
no subject
"That isn't because of you-!" Brows creasing, she meant that earnestly. The last thing she wanted was for him to fall into the misguided belief that her current...state, had anything to do with him. She knew that if he began to believe that and he ended up needing her blood he would deny it if he thought her health was declining because of it. Even as shaken as she was, she knew she had to get that point at least across to him, even if she hated talking about it. Eyes falling away from his, she took a shaky breath.
"O-Only...when I think about the past...does anything like this...it was only after I started trying to..."
If she hadn't attempted to unlock her hidden past...would this even be an issue? It wasn't normal. Why did these things keep happening to her, just because she had attempted to figure out who and what she really was? I'm so scared right now. What could it be to cause her to just fall to pieces...
"It isn't you. In my dreams...in my mind, it's...something different." Zero could never cause her the kind of fear she felt whenever trapped with that creature from her nightmares. It felt pathetic and uncomfortable to talk about. He was the only person she ever fully poured her heart out to, and even telling him about the creature that haunted her dreams made her feel strange and out of sorts. "It's a monster....with two different colored eyes."
She knew that it wouldn't make any sense. That she sounded as unstable as her actions reflected. Squeezing her eyes shut more tightly she tried to will away the image that immediately came back into her thoughts as she spoke about the thing that terrorized her night and day.
"It always feels...l-like it's there...like it's been there for a long time, wanting me...I know it's crazy.." Even more than that...it was worse than that. Her voice shook, as though she were growing worked up once again, and her brown eyes popped back open. They widened with a look of devastation and fright.
"All I ever see is crimson anymore...e-everything." Swallowing as she stared at Zero's face, splattered in droplets of red. Her stomach churned painfully. "In my dreams..." and in reality... "everything is dyed in the color of blood."
no subject
Zero wasn't sure what to think about that, it hadn't even crossed his mind that whatever she was experiencing now had something to do with the past that she couldn't even remember. He supposed that would make sense, if her memories had been altered with to the extent that when they had gone searching for the files from that winter she'd been found, the pages had literally spontaneously combusted into flames.
"Someone really doesn't want you to find out, do they?"
'Someone' to Zero was obviously Kaname Kuran, since he knew for a fact that the pureblood was determined to avoid her questions at all costs. Zero still couldn't understand what the relationship between them was. It was something he really didn't like to think about. He'd tasted both their blood, there was a connection there. Kuran was honest when he said that he would protect her at all costs. The only reason he'd allowed Zero to drink his blood was for Yuuki's sake.
"A monster, though?" Zero sighed, it didn't sound familiar to him at all. Instinctively he wanted it to be a description of Kaname, which was more immature and petty than anything else. "These aren't nightmares though, Yuuki. I know this already. You haven't been sleeping at all, have you?"
Arms still wrapped around her, Zero buried his hand into her hair and pulled her against him. Though his arm burned painfully, he ignored it and held on tightly. He didn't understand what was happening to her anymore than she did, but he sure as hell wasn't going to let her go through it alone.
"You need to sleep, even if I have to stay up and watch over you to make sure you do it. I won't let anything happen to you."
no subject
The problem was...the delusions then only manifested themselves into her waking hours, too. Even before the drink she had taken from Umi the blood stained reality had crept into her every day life. She'd known that it wasn't normal, and kept it to herself, trying to ignore the hallucinations as much as possible.
Zero had seen through all of that, though. Nodding against him she reached her trembling arms around his torso and held on tight, tears soaking his shirt through as she sobbed on him. There was no one more self-sacrificing than Zero. Even after what she had just done he'd forgiven her. He was alive simply because she couldn't stand the thought of him leaving her side. It was always like that....he endlessly indulged her. I just don't want to lose you...
If it was for Zero...she'd do anything to keep him there.
"Zero..."
Rising up onto her knees, she maneuvered against him in order to wrap her arms snugly around his neck. It was nearly a year ago that she had discovered his feelings for her. Before entering the city she had never realized that he had thought of her as anything but a sister. When the headmaster had brought him home, she'd wanted nothing more than to look after him and make things better. Zero was older, but she had always treated him as though he were like that of a younger brother who needed looking after.
Things had changed.
Zero loved her. When she had first discovered his feelings, she'd panicked, not knowing how to react. It was so different from how she had thought he viewed her, that the revelation had caused her to back pedal and become uncertain of their relationship. After nearly a year together in the city, she'd found herself worriedly contemplating over those thoughts and feelings. So often she had tried to ask herself the very same question he asked her.
'What does Zero mean to me?'
Even if she couldn't articulate those feelings into words she knew that she cared about him and couldn't afford to lose him ever. He was one of the most important people in her life.
That was love, right...?
"You always put up with me." No matter the situation, even when his sarcasm was at it's worst, he attempted to put her first. It was fine this way...she didn't mind. Ever since earlier in the week she had thought about it a lot...their relationship. This was definitely the best choice.
"Even though I hurt you, I...Zero..."
One hand fisting into the fabric of his shirt, her other detached from around his neck to cup his cheek in her palm as she moved forward, her voice quiet in the hush of the room.
"I'm so happy to have you."
Without hesitation she leaned up, and gently, tenderly, pressed her mouth against his in a soft kiss. She felt the shock through his body as he stiffened, not having expected the sudden action. Holding him tightly though, she kept her eyes closed as she gripped him as though she'd be lost on a current if she were to let go. This was right. They could stay with each other. If he was with her...there was no way that they could become enemies...Zero and her wouldn't fall apart. They could just stay like this. It was perfect.
Moving flush against him, she gently pulled on his mouth, lips thirsty as she waited for him to respond back to her, almost impatient with her draws. She needed him. All that mattered was staying together, and she needed that reassurance more than ever. A small moan escaping her lips she clung to him desperately.
no subject
Shoulders finally calming from the shaking of her sobs, Zero could tell Yuuki was trying to force control onto herself. Her emotions settling into something calmer as she pulled her head away from where she'd buried it into his chest. Sliding her arms around his neck, she embraced him tightly before pulling away to face him.
She looked like absolute hell. Face all tear stained and splashed with red, her eyes bloodshot as tears still fell from them as her hand touched his cheek. He worried about her, unsure of what she really needed right now. Unable to really do anything for her except be there.
Her words didn't come easily, voice strained and slightly apologetic as she spoke. She stumbled several times, as if she was having trouble wording things correctly before finally just settling for what came easiest. That would have been enough for him. Knowing that his existence was something that brought her happiness but by the time he'd processed even that much, his mind hit the brakes entirely.
The moment her lips touched his, time slowed down dramatically in his head as he tried to wrap his mind around what was happening. Disbelief was the initial reaction as his body processed the fact that she was kissing him. The onslaught of emotions that tore through him came from every possible realm imaginable as she clutched him tightly. Confusion and desire warred for dominance as she pressed herself against him, a part of him wanting his own body to move but the shock too strong that it literally paralyzed him.
By the time his own body could react to Yuuki's desperate kisses, the insecurity and anger had already overpowered his thoughts, hands clenching in frustration as he waited for her to notice how he wasn't responding. She wasn't in a right frame of mind right now to be making any decisions in that regard. Not unless it was something that she really wanted. For the right reasons...
no subject
Confused, she pulled back from him uncertainly, eyes once more dancing back and forth between his in puzzlement. The feeling of anxiety immediately began to chew at the inside of her stomach.
"Ze...ro...?"
He...had told her that he loved her. It had been made more than clear to her. There wasn't a way that...she could have misinterpreted that...could there have been...? Suddenly feeling embarrassed and uncertain her eyes shot away, red sprinkling across her cheeks. Releasing him she wiped away one of the wet trails that still stained the sides of her face. Even now moisture continued to cling to her lashes, her hair messed from the night of delusions. She was strangely aware of the empty feeling her lips felt, the one sided kisses making her feel awkward and unsure of how to reply to his lack of involvement in anything.
"Wh-What's wrong....I..."
Wasn't this what he had wanted? He was the one to have first brought his feelings to the forefront. Face scrunching together in misunderstanding, her own hands clutched nervously into her night gown.
"Why...aren't you...responding....."
no subject
The way she unconsciously gripped at her clothes, it was an obvious signal that she was upset about something. What he'd expected wasn't the question that came next though. He'd expected her to be upset about her own actions so hearing her question his own lack of participation came as quite the shock.
"I don't think you are really in the right mind frame to be making any choices like this."
He wasn't the one she wanted, not like this. Not with him. The only one she'd ever wanted in that way was Kaname, so why would she want him to even respond?
"This isn't what you want," he sighed, burying a hand into his hair as he looked away from her. He wasn't sure what her motivations were at this time, but kissing him wasn't probably the best way to get what she wanted. No matter how much he wished otherwise.
no subject
Even more so...he'd called her on her emotions. How...How did he know what she wanted...?
Even she wasn't entirely sure.
Mass confusion clouding her mind, she couldn't pick through the various emotions that continued to bombard her from every direction. Hysteria, fear, shame, embarrassment, confusion. They all fluctuated and changed with each passing second. The one thing that never faltered however, and she was willing to do absolutely anything to prevent...was losing him.
Hands shaking, she reached forward again, grabbing onto the material of his shirt for a second time.
"How do you know...?"
Still hidden underneath her hair, she looked up, teeth clenched as she gazed back into his face. He didn't know. He couldn't make that decision for her. She loved him, wasn't that enough? Ever since he'd moved in with both her and headmaster she'd wanted nothing more than to watch over and protect him. Maybe she was still trying to figure out some of her emotions, but...that didn't mean she didn't care about him. If she left things how they were, he'd just leave her permanently. She had seen that much in the future. It wasn't a lie, that she had feelings for him. She'd had nearly an entire year to grow accustomed to the idea. It wasn't like she'd just asked him to marry her. This is what Zero had wanted, his feelings had already become known, and he was so important in her life. For years she had worried about him disappearing. Had done whatever she felt was most needed to keep him around. Whenever she contemplated what it would be like to like without him...she became absolutely terrified.
Didn't that mean she loved him?
Jaws tight as tears continued to trickle down her cheeks, her face was a mixture of hurt and frustration as she made direct eye contact with him.
"You think...that I would fabricate even something like that?"
no subject
And those feelings were returned.
It wasn't easy for Zero, pushing her away like this. But he really didn't have any other choice. Whatever she was feeling, it wasn't enough. She'd been clinging to him lately, preoccupied with some fear of him leaving. It wasn't love, not in the sense that he felt for her. Those feelings couldn't ever be returned because she'd given them to someone else long ago.
She cared. He knew that. She needed him in some manner and maybe during the year she'd been here those feelings had intensified. But Zero still knew it wasn't enough for him to actually trust her with his heart. She'd known about his own feelings for so long now, but it wasn't until now that she felt any need to return them.
"I don't know what's going on with you lately," Zero was unable to look her in the eyes, his gaze dropping from her. "Maybe somethings changed, I don't know. What I am sure of though, it's not enough."
Swallowing deeply, Zero forced his gaze back up to see her expression. Her reaction would be his real answer, though he already knew. "Can you honestly sit there and tell me suddenly everything has changed? That if Kaname Kuran walked through that door over there you wouldn't feel as if you'd betrayed him? I'm not the one you've ever loved, Yuuki."