Log; Complete

[foolsaints.livejournal.com]

When; Sept. 2, night.
Rating; PG, for talk about death and salvation. A little bit of angsting too.
Characters; Ziggy [maintenanced], Lactis [foolsaints]
Summary; Ziggy fills Lactis in on what happened in the 100 years they were apart (by pretty much recapping the first two installments of Xenosaga), some talk about the city's dynamics.
Log;

And so.

It was evident enough that, even in this new world, irony still hunted him.
One hundred years . Indeed.
One hundred years of what? One hundred years of that clean, cold solitude that the welcomed into his new life -- as readily as he abandoned whatever chanced to remind him of the past. The past. One hundred years.
One hundred years ago.
When he had opened his eyes, awakening to that sterile ceiling – seemingly seconds after he had closed his eyes upon the agony-wracked faces of his subordinates and the cruel, desperate face of Erich – he had sworn to let the past fall away from him forever. And so it did, for a century it did – warm memories were replaced with a bleak future. His organic limbs were replaced with these metal parts. His dedication, his compassion, collapsed – and such noble emotions were replaced with an empty abyss.

He had never before considered that he was unable to come to terms with what had happened. After all – what would that accomplish? It was done. Death could not be revoked, love could not be replaced. All that remained was for him to escape from the rubble of the tragedy. Bow out, give up – die. And yet no –like a ghost he lingered on the stage, long after the play was concluded, long after the curtain call, with no further purpose.

The ex-human known as Ziggurat 8 dispelled his turbulent thoughts.
After all – thanks to the City, things had changed. Thanks to the City, a single character from the drama had returned to perform once more. He bitterly recalled Erich’s – no, Voyager's – words.
Things are gradually coming to an end... and you never want to answer the curtain call alone. Alone. Yes, now, in a life which had been prolonged past all hope for meaning, he would have a chance to return to the ghosts of his past.

But to what end?
Time would tell. Ziggy crossed his arms, and waited for Lactis in the cool darkness of the gardens.

Lactis was rather out of his element, the city packed with people and unfamiliar sounds thumping in his ears. Things were put into sharp focus in bright, searing colour in this city. Everything was a blaze of color and a blare of sound. He didn’t particularly want to be there, but he didn't want to be home either. He simply hadn't come to terms with the change in environment yet.

But above all else, he'd found... his captain? He wasn't sure what to think of it and decided not to, for the time being. The realian battled the crowds, focusing on not being swept up by it. While the sheer number of people was a minor drawback at best, it was nothing to be concerned with at the moment. Eventually, he'd found his way to the gardens.

Was it worth coming here, simply because Lactis was a little confused? To stir something up and open some of his former comrade's wounds (bound to be deep ones) because his thirst for understanding compelled him? It seemed--A shake of his head. No, his superior ordered it and would need to face the consequences, whatever they may be, on his own. Lactis didn't defy orders.

The realian made another attempt with his scanners, hoping they would work properly in the damn city just this once. He doubted his ability to recognize Jan after so much time, and needed to rely on simple biometric analysis. That wasn’t too much to ask of his system, was it?

Obviously not. Something quickly caught Lactis' attention. There he was: Jan Sauer but at the same time, not. He was really something else now, more machine than human. The sad thing was that Lactis was certain he knew why.

"Captain Sauer," Lactis nodded a greeting while making a conscious effort to remain composed, "I believe you have something you wanted toexplain."

Despite the attempts Ziggy had made to steel himself for the encounter, the sight of the familiar realian emerging from the crowd was still a shock. His face was associated with memories of that time – and he hadn't changed a bit. Not that, perhaps, he'd even had time to change – the City worked that way, after all.

It was more of a shock, even, to hear his voice. Imbued with that calm honesty, that respect that Ziggy remembered from earlier days, but which now seemed so foreign. Lactis. It really was him. Always quietly philosophical, yet also so noble... it seemed impossible to take seriously, but he was here.

Ziggy nodded slightly in acknowledgment of his words, and unfolded his arms.
The words – though he'd said them before – were still difficult to get out.

“Lactis,” he said. “I am no longer Jan Sauer. I am currently Ziggurat 8.”
He allowed for a pause. “You may be aware that my body was recycled following... my death. I became a piece of equipment belonging to the Federation Government. I don't know what year it was before you arrived here, but...” again he paused, searching for appropriate words – clean words, simple words -- “For me, it has been a hundred years... since I last saw you.”  

Though perfectly aware of the sorts of emotions he should have been feeling at the moment, Lactis was mostly just surprised at how quickly the cybernetic industry worked--to reanimate and reconstruct the once dead in so little time seemed nothing short of impossible to the realian. Of course, tissue--especially neural tissues-- rapidly break down ex situ so, what choice did anyone have but to work quickly? But he brushed off the thought since it was neither here nor there.

Ziggurat model 8. Lactis contemplated the name for a brief moment. What did it tell him about the reborn Jan Sauer? It couldn't have been coincidence that he was the eighth, of all numbers. Eight for infinite rebirth, the lemniscate. The bitter irony of it sank in--not too long ago were they discussing society seizing the right of death and how his former captain hoped to not have to deal with it. The realian repeated the name to himself, "Ziggurat 8".

It didn't sound quite right to him but he didn't know how to respond otherwise. Sentimentality wasn't exactly Lactis' forte and he found himself resorting to simple conventionalities: "I understand. I am sorry it had to end up thatway."

"But a century? And on top of your living years... Life extension has become more effective since I last checked. That, or you will probably find some of that salvation you seek soon. The tissue in the nervous system doesn’t regenerate protein fast enough to keep up with the degradation and smoothing of the cerebral cortex. You can forget things that way, undesirable memories included. Death follows after you become a clean slate again. I suppose that’s the closest thing to salvation Federation property can attain." While it was meant to be something of a comforting comment, tactful speaking wasn’t exactly high up on Lactis' list of abilities. But at least he was thoughtful enough to leave out the less attractive details.

 

“You seem to understand the situation well,” Ziggy said, a bit wryly. He turned away from Lactis, taking a few heavy steps through the gardens before pausing and looking back at him.

“Yes, it's true that as things are, my condition will soon degenerate. I have not undergone any extension on my organic components – instead, as you see, I have been replacing them with mechanical parts. But my brain will begin to deteriorate soon, and I will die. Even if that were not so, there are ways in which I could manage to have my neural memories erased... as an ex-human, I have no rights, but I can request the operation as compensation for my work. “Here he paused again.

It seemed, oddly enough, a relief, to be able to speak so freely. Ziggy had conditioned himself into speaking as infrequently as possible, and always getting directly to the point – even as a human he had only said what was necessary.
And yet these things were necessary. Until now, he had relied upon himself to provide the answers to his own questions. Who else could possibly help? But Lactis had always been level-headed, and, more importantly, he knew the facts. Though it seemed strange to look to his former subordinate for guidance, the situation itself was beyond bizarre – and, after all, Ziggy was no longer his captain.

“There is no possible way for me, now, to live up to the morals and standards I once possessed. I am no longer a member of humanity. Lactis... you were there as well. You saw what happened, and you lived through it. If you had the chance– if you had no further obligations in life, and no way to bring about justice, would you escape from that memory? Would you give up on the past?”

 

The realian listened in silence, processing and interpreting everything Ziggy was telling him. If nothing else, he was perceptive. While he wasn't especially keen on playing the doctor who everyone poured their negative feelings onto--he didn’t entirely grasp why they existed at times--he made an exception for Ziggy.

"What happened to that burning vigor, Ziggurat 8? Isolation and shelling up are not synonymous with salvation," He crossed his arms, mild disappointment written all over his face. "I doubt the possibility that you simply haven't found new direction in life. Even the worst of men recover from having things ripped away and you have had more than enough time. I think that you have been rejecting yourself and not allowing yourself to reconnect with humanity. What is it that you are afraid of?"

The realian wasn't expecting an answer at all, as the remark was just something for his former captain to mull over. He turned his attention to the plants. At least they weren't as inconceivably complicated.

"As for myself?" Lactis pondered the question. Things like that didn’t come up in his everyday thought and it caught him off guard. There wasn’t really a way to answer that succinctly. "As an artificial human, I find myself conjuring up enthusiastic schemes for the service of humanity. I would even face crucifixion if the situation suddenly demanded it of me--what choice would I have after all?

"I won't lie and say I enjoy servicing man. But that is the unconditional purpose my creator has given me and all of my efforts are to be placed in doing so. The moment I have fulfilled my duty, fail to fulfill it, or become obselete, I will be discarded and destroyed as if I never existed. There would be no such 'time' to worry about the past, much less try to escape it." A small, cynical smile tugged at his lips, "I suppose that places you above me, even as an ex-human."

 

What are you afraid of?
These words in particular haunted Ziggy throughout Lactis's monologue. It didn’t seem like a question for which there was any concrete answer. After all, fear in the most basic, instinctual terms had since become unknown to him. Hadn't he been signing himself up for the most dangerous missions? Hadn't he dived, without apprehension, into potentially deadly combat situations, only to emerge disappointingly intact? Fighting had become such second nature to him, now that it was his only use that he no longer thought in terms of self-preservation, but rather in terms of factors which would result in the success of the mission. That was the way to think – like a machine. That was what he'd been striving for – that cold, emotionless reality, in which there was nothing to puncture his heart.

But had he achieved that goal?

No. No, and, indeed, it was because he was afraid. Not in the classic sense –not of death. But of life, instead.

Ziggy accepted this strange new paradigm shift with surprisingly good humor. For a while now, he had known that something was wrong with his philosophy –something had been making him uneasy. His progress towards apathy had been impeded... by what?

... of course.

“Lactis,” he said, turning to the realian, who had been observing the flowers of the garden with an uninterruptible expression. “You've given me some interesting thoughts to consider. I guess it would take a strange accident like this to make me change my perception of the situation...” He was silent for a few moments.

“... for now, I couldn't say how things have changed. I'll need to think about it. As for you,” he continued, addressing the realian's second point, “I was happy – and honored -- to have you and Meris in my squad. You were always reliable. I have never considered realians to be subhuman. You've always had my respect... and perhaps you'll find that, here, you can attain freedom, if that’s what you want.”

 

"Strange?" Lactis turned his attention back to Ziggy with an amused expression. "An old partner is strange now, is it?" He knew exactly what the cyborg was referring to, but there was already enough seriousness abound and he decided to conveniently ignore it. The realian was allowed to feel contentment at least, and he found it in the reunion with an ex-captain.

"Thank you, Ziggurat 8. I can easily say the same of you." While sincere, it sounded like nothing more than a distant uttering, as the Realian found himself momentarily wrapped up in his own ponderings with sidelong stare.

Freedom . What use did a realian have for freedom? It went against every basic function in their--or at least his--programming. If he were to ever find it, it would hurt in its own strange way. It would hurt so much that he would end up swearing to hurt it right back.

But enough of that. It wasn't like he would need to ever deal with it.

He snapped himself out of thought. "I suppose there are things to catch upon. Did you come to this city of your own accord or--? Actually, what is your situation, in general?"

 

Ziggy allowed himself to relax. The discussion had been somewhat tense, and he had to admit some relief at moving on to more straightforward matters.

“A great deal has happened, but I'll try to be brief. Recently, I was assigned to a particular mission by the Federation Government's Contact Subcommittee. The details are classified, but--”
He tilted his head to the side. “Considering the situation, I can't see how it could possibly hurt to tell you. There exists a new model of observational realian – the 100-series. I was to retrieve the prototype. This realian...turned out to be a young girl, named MOMO. Ever since then, my assignment has been to protect her. There are many further complications, of course, but...”

Ziggy turned his eyes to the night sky. “We were both drawn here together, by an unknown force. MOMO believes it may be connected with the energy known as U-DO. A few of our comrades, who had gone missing in the weeks before, wound up here as well – when they decide on the best course of action, I will follow. Until then, we've been settling in. What about you?”
He looked to Lactis. “Under what circumstances did you arrive here?”

 

"MOMO. I believe I spoke to her earlier. You have been doing your job well." Lactis had no further comments on the matter. He didn't feel the need to pry and get any details on something that hardly concerned him.

"So, U-DO has resurfaced? Would that mean that," the realian trailed off to look for a gentler way to bring up a tabooed name. Of course, he quickly realised that there was no kind way of mentioning something like that without being annoyingly vague. "Would that mean that Voyager has also resurfaced? Or is some other entity behind it this time?

"I am uncertain how I arrived. In any case, I am a bit concerned about this city. As MOMO mentioned, we are all isolated from our own time periods so there should be no major consequences of a self-paradox." Good news was covered, but then a second thought occurred to the realian and he instantly threw it out there to be considered by the present company.

"But we are also at least 5100--give or take twenty--years in the past. Keeping in mind that is only an estimate based on the technology here. The further back in the past we are, the more damage we could be doing to thepresent," Lactis scanned the horizon in silence, running calculations in his head and giving no indications of continuing for a few solid minutes.

At last, he spoke up, "just by being here, we could very well be destroying entire planets.

"Additionally, this may seem a strange question, but does time pass at the same rate here as it does back home? I have gathered that we will be here for awhile yet. But how long will we be 'missing'?"

 

Faintly yet somewhat bitterly amused at Lactis's reference to his “job” of protecting MOMO, Ziggy listened gravely to his further conjectures.
He decided to refrain from telling Lactis the reality of the situation – that MOMO reminded him of Joaquin, that he had come to desire to protect her beyond the call of mere duty. After all, Lactis had never had a taste for sentimentality, and Ziggy guessed that such a topic might make him uncomfortable.

Throughout their talk, Ziggy had avoided speaking specifically of Voyager. But, of course, under the present circumstances, it was impossible not to do so.

“It's complicated, but... many things have happened in the past century. In T.C. 4753, an incident known as the Miltian Conflict served to bring about an influx of entities from another dimension, known as the Gnosis. Simultaneously, U-DO became active in the very same region. Though the general public believed it to be the work of a Dr. Joachim Mizrahi – incidentally, he is also MOMO's father – the team I am associated with has discovered that Dr. Dmitri Yuriev may have been largely responsible.” He took a deep breath. “In which case, yes– it is possible that Voyager may return. In addition--”
Ziggy paused, trying to sort out his explanation in a logical manner. “... Dr. Dmitri Yuriev also worked to create a force of units known as U.R.T.V.s. Three of them are residing here, as well, though one of them has been working against us. In pursuit of him, we once infiltrated the fortress known as the Song of Nephilim... where we encountered something similar to Voyager. A man, dressed the same way – but in a blue cloak rather than a black one.”

“... I'm not holding on to any particular hope that Voyager is still alive. It always seemed to me as if that would be a waste – a way of clinging to the past, of prolonging... things... longer than necessary. However, it seems more and more likely that I may finally discover the truth beyond the events of that day...”

After a pause, he continued. “This may seem like nonessential information, since you're from the past. Indeed, it may hardly concern you. But -- if you have a desire to discover the truth of what happened, and of your degree of involvement, perhaps you may be interested.”

Ziggy held up his mechanical left hand, and idly let it spin. Lactis's other comments, though weighty, seemed to him to be less worrisome than the vague wonder as to Voyager's existence.

“As for this City... MOMO is an observational realian. Her initial studies of the region show that it exists independently of all other planes of existence, though it is connected to all of them. As she was made to study the Gnosis, researching the inter-dimensional phenomena here could be very helpful... as for the possible time paradox, it seems to differ depending on the case.” He turned to address Lactis directly. “I suggest you speak to her, if you wish to fully satisfy your curiosity. She would probably be able to upload the data directly to you. There are rumors,” he continued, “that the mechanism at the center of the City is related to the destruction of all worlds, but MOMO has been unable to fully analyze it.”

 

Indeed, much of that exposition managed to go right over Lactis' head. Only two of the terms mentioned really grabbed his attention, which was to be expected--everything else took place decades into the future. Regardless, he listened closely, trying to make sense of things and connect them in its own mini timeline. Archiving the future was rather strange to the realian, to say the least.

He remained silent for a bit after Ziggy's narrative, anticipating more events and details to be revealed. When it became clear there were none, Lactis spoke up, addressing the first recognizable key name to be mentioned. "I see Yuriev is still ambitious as ever. So, that's what he has been working on...But more importantly, why are some URTV working against their leader?"

Being one of the most significant characters in Lactis' database, the realian found himself still focused on the cyber-terrorist. Even more so, considering the circumstances behind Erich and the rest of the 1875th Special-ops. "Asfor Voyager, he has faded out of the picture since your suicide. No, not even faded. Disappeared completely. It has been a while, but do you recall that 'Voyager' was a title, and not a person? While nothing but a simple conjecture, do you believe it is possible that this blue cloaked identity is thenext?"

And of course, the end of all things simply had to come up once again. Lactis scowled at the prospect and remarked on it bitterly, "It wouldn't be nearly so easy. Something like that wouldn't be decipherable by the work of one realian, regardless of the extent and capacity of her abilities." he assumed his neutral, rather uninterpretable expression once again, "But, I will do as you say and speak to her."

 

Ziggy realized that it would be almost impossible to coherently explain to the realian everything that had happened in the past century. After all, despite his own powers of quick intuition and observation, many of the memories from his former were faint and somewhat fragmented – though some would never lose intensity.

“The most interesting fact of the matter is that Yuriev allegedly died fourteen years ago,” Ziggy replied. “But we recently received a transmission from him. It seems that he managed to cheat death – I doubt that he will ever surrender his obsession with U-DO. You know as well as I do the lengths to which he would go. He even considered his genetic clones – his own children, the URTVs – to be nothing more than expendable tools. During the Miltian Conflict, the URTVs attempted to destroy an outbreak of U-DO which was causing realians and some humans to go insane. But one of the higher-level URTVs, a Variant, whom we call Jr., realized that their interaction would destroy the planet of Miltia... and so he forcibly cut the connection. As a result, the majority of the URTVs died, and another Variant, Albedo, was driven insane... now the URTVs live with relative independence, for their own ends. I think that Jr. should be able to explain the details better than I can, but...”

Ziggy turned his thoughts to Lactis's second question. “... if 'Voyager' is, as Elrich said, a title for one who searches the UMN for the anti-existence of truth... then, yes, perhaps he has passed that mantle on to another. The blue-cloaked man seemed to be in league with Albedo, but...” Here Ziggy stopped and considered his present situation.
“... I am not in a position to investigate anything on my own. I no longer have the freedom I once had. Even if I did, I would... perhaps abuse it to a different end. But since MOMO is entangled in this new conspiracy, I may live to see the answers. For now, I'm content to protect her.”

 

"Ah,"Lactis made another mental note of the name Jr., generic as it may have been. He wasn't especially pleased with talking to a half-human directory and being directed towards all sorts of nonsense a la some sort of wild goose chase. Regardless, primary sources were sometimes better for these things, so he simply held his tongue. He did, however, find it peculiar that everything that happened seemed to involve the same group of people.

"I see. My thanks for your information, Cap--Ziggurat 8. I am sure this was all very taxing on you. For now, I will investigate further on my own. That is, if you have nothing else you would like to add?"

With a brief and dismissive wave of the hand, Ziggy shook his head. Though he suspected that Lactis's concern was only a respectful pleasantry, he could not help but add a final comment.

“I wouldn't call it taxing. It was certainly an unexpected reunion, but I'm grateful, in a way, for this chance. If you require my assistance in the future, you only have to ask.”
Was there more to say? He couldn't articulate, exactly, this feeling – the idea that Lactis had reminded him of something worthwhile from his past life, just as MOMO had. Whereas with MOMO he had gradually come to feel some semblance ofa paternal instinct reemerging, Lactis conjured up something different– a sense of honor, and justice, that he thought he'd left behind.

Would Lactis value that change in him? It was difficult to say, and despite these thoughts, Ziggy remained silent on the subject. Time would tell.

But as Lactis turned to go, Ziggy recalled something – seemingly trifling, but still significant, though he couldn't quite understand why.

“Lactis,” he called in an even voice. The realian paused and looked back at him with a calm gaze.

“If you wish,” Ziggy said, “you can call me Ziggy. It's a nickname that MOMO gave to me.” To tell Lactis this seemed ridiculous, especially since the whimsical name contrasted notoriously with Ziggy's stern expression.

But it was important, nonetheless.