tampered | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

When; The most recent grab bag weekend! Sunday night. Backdated.
Rating; PG
Characters; Gabriel and Raphael.
Summary; Gabriel has an apology to make.

Gabriel was exhausted. Sleep tugged at her eyelids, and she felt like her entire body might spontaneously give out underneath her. She had a lot on her mind, though, and trying to sleep only caused her to toss and turn. It was readily apparent that until she gave voice to what was on her mind, she wouldn't be able to lie down.

Dressed in a conservative nightgown, with a robe draped around her to further conceal her modesty, she made her way to Raphael's bedroom and rapped lightly on the door. "Raphael?" she called softly. "It's me. There's something I need to tell you."

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Raphael had been slouching in bed, idly flipping through a medical textbook when he heard the knock. He got up, surprised and almost alarmed, digging around for a bathrobe before he answered.

"Hold on." In the few months the three of them had been living together, Gabriel had always been as conscientious as he'd expected. She rarely interrupted him when he was in his room, especially not at night. It left him a bit uneasy, as he finally found a bathrobe stuffed in his closet, put it on, and went to the door, pulling it open, frowning slightly. "Come in. What's the matter?"

Gabriel immediately became flustered. "I don't..." she started to say. She felt her cheeks turn red. No. This wasn't how she wanted this to go. She had to stay cool. She had come here only to express her regret for judging him, and nothing more.

"I only wanted to apologize for things I've said about you, both here and... in the past." Gabriel looked down. "That's all."

Raphael gave her a questioning look. Her demeanor, the way she was trailing off-- that was eerily unlike her. Part of him wanted to probe right then, but he held off.

"I didn't think the game had troubled your conscience that much." Or that it was worth coming into his room to apologize over. Raphael couldn't imagine it was anything except his answers, sourer and more pathetic as they'd quickly become. "Why?"

This was rapidly taking a turn far away from what Gabriel had pictured. She had imagined, foolishly, that he would instantly know what she was talking about; that he would read the guilt on her face so plainly she wouldn't need to explain. And then... well, she didn't know, but at least she would have offered what solace she could, perhaps.

She wasn't sure if he would enjoy the idea of her downfall, or if it would simply upset him. Perhaps she was only burdening him by telling him these things. But he needed to know. She had been wrong about him, if only slightly.

"I didn't realize how easy it was to allow oneself to be coerced into..." Gabriel struggled with the word. "...impurities." The blush turned deeper and ever more red. She wasn't looking at him anymore.

Was that sufficient? No. She was still being too vague.

"The Mad Hatter kissed me. It was my own fault. I should have known better than to offer her the chance to make me do that." Gabriel didn't cry, or fidget. She was as still and calm as she always was, her voice melodic and unemotional... except that her cheeks were still red, her eyes trained on the ground.

"But, if I could allow myself to be made to do something like that, perhaps I was too hasty in judging you. That is all." With that, she turned to leave.

Edited 2013-05-16 18:59 (UTC)

Raphael could barely believe it. Something fearful and cold settled down in his stomach with every calm word. The blame in them, the familiar anguish. As though she had been at fault-- as though anyone could believe that. Himself least of all.

Hatter. She'd needled him earlier, but he'd ignored it as always. He hadn't paid attention. No, he hadn't imagined that she'd target anyone else.

He grabbed her shoulder.

"No. Gabriel, what are you talking about? How did..."

Gabriel stiffened all over when he grabbed her shoulder. She felt sick. Worse, she still couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye.

"She dared me to." After Gabriel had been stupid enough to take a dare, of course. But that wasn't the worst part.

"...I liked it."

Then she felt herself starting to get choked up. No. No. She couldn't cry like this. It was unseemly, and not fair to burden Raphael with.

Raphael didn't know what to say. He'd never seen Gabriel like this before, so shaken, so upset. The shame of her expression disturbed him. Much as she'd stiffened up, he didn't let go, stepping a little closer.

He knew exactly what it meant to her. That it was a betrayal of everything she'd thought about herself, all her morals and purity. Once it had meant the same to him. His hand closed tighter around her shoulder.

"Don't cry. It's not your fault." A little anger had seeped into his voice. "You didn't do anything wrong. I know that."

Gabriel wasn't used to this kind of tenderness from Raphael. She immediately turned around and flung herself into his arms, like she was melting against him. "How can you say that?" she asked, genuinely confused. She wasn't sure what to make of this support, but she was glad for it.

"Because I know you." Raphael pulled her in close, swallowing thickly before he spoke again. "And I know exactly how Hatter is. You didn't allow it. You were manipulated into it."

Of that much he was certain. Gabriel was almost incapable of swaying, tied down to her sense of conscience in a way that made him alternately agitated and almost envious. Hatter had spent centuries pursuing everyone else's disgrace. His face darkened at the memory, forced so close to the surface, and he tugged her in hard. "I want you to believe that."

For a few moments, she only rested against him. She was still bewildered and conflicted. She hadn't thought he would react like this at all, but she was glad he did.

Then, slowly, she pushed herself away from him. There was a trace of reluctance in her as she did, but they couldn't stay like this all night. "Thank you," she said softly, looking down at her feet. It appeared she had misunderstood, or underestimated, him twice over now.

But then she managed to look back up at him with a faint smile.

"You don't have anything to thank me for," Raphael insisted. He wasn't smiling, the look in his eyes hardly soft at all. But it wasn't directed at her, not remotely.

"Look at me. Was that all that happened?"

But Gabriel couldn't bring herself to look at him, preferring to focus on the floor, and that probably spoke the words she couldn't bring herself to. Eventually she managed a slight shake of her head. No, that wasn't all.

The blood felt like it froze in Raphael's veins. His face contorted, and some tiny part of him was almost grateful Gabriel's gaze had never moved from the floor. He didn't want her to see his expression, the way he couldn't quite control it.

The way he couldn't quite control anything. No one could. Even her, someone who'd always been so certain, so firm-- he wouldn't let this happen to her, his mind was whirling crazily and he knew it, grabbing her shoulder tight, searching for something to hold.

"Tell me what happened. Tell me and I swear I'll take care of it."

Gabriel started to shake. "It's not..."

He was imagining this to be worse than it was. Gabriel could tell. She felt guilty for making him worry like this, but her voice was small and tiny and it was hard to get the words out.

"It's not that. It's simply that Hatter wasn't the only one to ask kiss me. Lu - Kira kissed me, too."

She felt stupid for admitting it. Stupid for putting herself in the same dumb situation twice. And yet that still wasn't the worst part. It was hard to get the words out.

"I kissed him back."

"What?"

Raphael stared at her, completely disbelieving. His hand dropped from her shoulder. He'd put almost nothing past Kira-- in fact, if she were anyone else Raphael might have thought Kira was being mild. It was the second part that was an impossibility.

"You're not serious, Gabriel."

Gabriel couldn't bring herself to say anything. The words wouldn't come. They felt stuck, wedged in her throat, and she couldn't speak properly. Abashed, she kept looking at the floor, and let her silence speak for her. There was nothing to say. Anything she could have said would have only felt like an excuse, anyway.

"He..." Raphael trailed helplessly, at an almost utter loss. Surely he'd forced her into it, she'd never have kissed back of her own inclination. Especially not him. Would she? He swallowed, every moment only making him feel more heavy and awkward.

"That isn't your fault either." The words felt almost hollow this time.

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