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The purpose is to experience fear. Fear in the face of certain death.
Rating: Gross sickly stuff.
Characters: Jim & you!
Summary: Catch-all log for Jim's friends! After the 16th when he felt ill, Jim's Augmented blood has started to fight back like it did during the two weeks he was out cold after dying in a decontamination chamber. His organs will be starting to slowly fail, blood (both his own and Khan's) will be coming up, and he's generally confined to his bedroom in his and Bones' apartment. As time goes on, his condition will be deteriorating until his essence rite is performed. Please put the date of your visit in the subject header! Forward/Back-dating and Prose/Action are all fine, as are video/audio/text which can be directed here for all personal calls while Jim is sick.
Log:
[ He finds himself thinking of Christopher, more than anything. Of the last time he saw him, specifically, in the Hall of the Missing. Of not being able to let go of him for so long and crying like a son lost in the thickest of woods, longing to find his way home only to briefly find it and have to turn back into the darkness once more. Chris had held him, kissed his hair like a father, soothed Jim in a way he had never had to before, but then again neither of them had died and been torn apart in such violent ways until the Augment came into their lives. Even in death, he's still been there when Jim needed him.
He stares out of the window in his room, propped up against pillows as coughs rumble in the pit of his chest, looking at the City below where the horizon meets a fake, beautiful sky. If he lets the migraines take over for long enough his senses go haywire and a drowsy kind of tactile memory swims under his fingers and into his nose, of an admiral's uniform scented with aftershave that soothes his anxieties almost as effectively as the real thing.
"It's going to be okay, son."
He wishes he could find a bar to drown his sorrows in. Chris always, always found him when he was at his lowest point in backwater dives.
And then on occasion, during his more painful moments where there's no one around to hear his muffled crying into a pillow or witness the sheets crumpling in his fists, his thoughts drift to the decontamination chamber. Jim wakes himself up several times after passing out with Spock's name on bloodied lips and hopes to God he hasn't started doing anything as embarrassing as crying out in his sleep to betray his fright; he has the use of his lungs still, unlike his final moments where he hadn't been able to tell his friend a wealth of things that suddenly seemed so important. Look after the crew, you're the captain now. I'll miss you. I don't want to go, stay with me. It's shameful, but a couple of times he calls for Bones just to have his company, terrified under a firmly schooled expression that he'll die in the here and now, well and truly alone.
If he had been given diagrammatics on his condition in the form of a vessel's specifics, he would have written it off by now. It's as if the effects of his descent into the warp core are being clawed out of his body in slow motion by the deepening fever-tide, leaving Jim to hate every minute of having survived. Which is counter-productive, he knows, because he very much wants to live. ]
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[ How can he say no? ]
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Mind? Why would I mind? [Having his favorite people in his third favorite place while he talks about one of his favorite topics? Not a hardship. Chekov perches on the edge of Kirk's bed.] I have always wanted to trap my friends in a situation where they have no choice but to listen to me talk.
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[ To be honest, it's adorable. He has the best helmsman and navigator there is and them being friends warms Jim inside. ]
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[ So there. ]
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You mean that. [Chekov puts a hand on Kirk's.] Or at least you think that you mean that.
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I am pretty out of it on meds. Hmm ...
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If you would like me to, I would, but only if you promise that I won't be in trouble with Dr. McCoy if something were to happen.
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Why would you be in trouble with Bones? He's never really mad at anyone but me. [ Wait a minute. ] Does he still make you nervous?
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Yes, he does! Even when he and I were the only ones from the Enterprise here, he was very... closed? [That's not quite the right word. Maybe if he waves his hand around a little, the meaning will be clear.] We never spoke much.
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