[ (Kindness has no use in Hei's life. Trust, tangibility, weapons -- those are more important.) ]
[ Yes, human beings have an infinite capacity for resilience. Hei has met his share of people who've surprised him. Worthwhile people. But it's not enough to reverse his whole view of human nature. His glance flicks to Pavel at the question, and he raises an eyebrow in that dry way Hei has, a mild sense of amusement. He's long since left behind the narrow moral guidelines of Good and Bad. Certainly it's not his way to spend time pondering the weltschmerz of morality and the human condition. You don't work for the Syndicate as a renowned killer and expect to survive with clean hands, and making up for the deaths you've caused by shedding more blood is impossible. Back home, factions of the organization are still chasing Hei. He has to eliminate them to survive. Even then, Hei's been carrying out wetwork for so long, and from such a young age, that sometimes he wonders if a weapon is all he can ever be. Because there's only one thing a weapon is good for, and because he's damn good at it. ]
[ So: No. He doesn't think he can be a 'good' person. He has a desire, in the midst of a horrible business full of deceit and killing and regret, not to be responsible for additional deaths. To expiate the crimes of righteous butchery by saving a handful of lives. But that's not about altruism. That's about choice; about the calculated decision not to reduce himself to one static thing -- a monster, a parasite, a predator. It has nothing to do with goodness or redemption. ]
[ Hei doesn't say that to Pavel. Instead he claps a hand on the young man's back -- both chiding and indulgent. Rises, and dusts the sand from his clothes. ]
You shouldn't drink so much, Pavel. Turns people into philosophical idiots. No one needs that at a party.
[ Harsh, but there's no rancor in Hei's half-smile. This is a conversation for another time. ]
no subject
[ Yes, human beings have an infinite capacity for resilience. Hei has met his share of people who've surprised him. Worthwhile people. But it's not enough to reverse his whole view of human nature. His glance flicks to Pavel at the question, and he raises an eyebrow in that dry way Hei has, a mild sense of amusement. He's long since left behind the narrow moral guidelines of Good and Bad. Certainly it's not his way to spend time pondering the weltschmerz of morality and the human condition. You don't work for the Syndicate as a renowned killer and expect to survive with clean hands, and making up for the deaths you've caused by shedding more blood is impossible. Back home, factions of the organization are still chasing Hei. He has to eliminate them to survive. Even then, Hei's been carrying out wetwork for so long, and from such a young age, that sometimes he wonders if a weapon is all he can ever be. Because there's only one thing a weapon is good for, and because he's damn good at it. ]
[ So: No. He doesn't think he can be a 'good' person. He has a desire, in the midst of a horrible business full of deceit and killing and regret, not to be responsible for additional deaths. To expiate the crimes of righteous butchery by saving a handful of lives. But that's not about altruism. That's about choice; about the calculated decision not to reduce himself to one static thing -- a monster, a parasite, a predator. It has nothing to do with goodness or redemption. ]
[ Hei doesn't say that to Pavel. Instead he claps a hand on the young man's back -- both chiding and indulgent. Rises, and dusts the sand from his clothes. ]
You shouldn't drink so much, Pavel. Turns people into philosophical idiots. No one needs that at a party.
[ Harsh, but there's no rancor in Hei's half-smile. This is a conversation for another time. ]