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[log] [ongoing]

When; May 12
Rating; PG
Characters; Jowy [

fateisabitch]
Summary; Jowy and Kamui talk.
Log;

There was a sinking feeling Jowy could not shake off, that this - Kamui becoming hurt - was his fault. He had been so preoccupied by his own matters - selfishly preoccupied - that he had failed to notice, to stop Kamui from walking into danger. It was all too much. He felt terribly guilty and it was eating him whole.

It was a struggle, almost like a whole war inside him, to keep all that rage in check. So much hatred. He knew this was Fuuma's doing and already, he was itching for vengeance. Somehow.

Kamui would know of Fuuma's weaknesses. Jowy needed to know, to do something about this.

Before the hatred consumed him fully.

He stopped at the door to their room and gripped the tray in his hands tightly. Water, for Kamui. He wasn't sure if Kamui would want something else, or something cold or hot... He settled with water.

For Kamui, he would act normally, apologize for not being there. And then he would ask.

He had to ask.

About Fuuma.

"Kamui? I brought water," he said as he entered the room.

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"Ah..." Kamui jumped a little when he heard that familiar voice, sitting up in bed and trying to muster an obviously fake smile. "Th-thank you." Jowy had brought him water. How nice of him.

Too bad Kamui didn't deserve such kindness.

This was betrayal, wasn't it? Kamui had known that Fuuma was going to hurt him; at least, the realistic side had known. The idealistic side had been hoping that maybe this once they would have just talked, but... of course not. He knew. And yet he was drawn to him anyway, wanting to at least be able to see him in person again, no matter what the consequences were.

He hadn't even struggled when Fuuma had sliced into him; nor did he struggle when the wards were laid, clashing with the marks of the Sakurazukamori and causing an unbareable burning, tearing pain. In a way, he'd liked that, even... feeling his twinstar become a part of him; magical aura present there even now. "You didn't have to, though." He found his gaze sticking to his hands, eyes tracing where Fuuma's marks were healing underneath the layers of bandages.

Jowy just smiled, not quite sure how to respond to that. Finding the right words of encouragement for Kamui was so difficult right now, especially with feelings of hatred and anger slowly building inside him. He placed the tray on top of the drawers beside the bed and sat at the bedside.

"Drink some water," he suggested as he poured Kamui a glass. "You must be thirsty, Kamui."

Obediently, Kamui tried to take the glass, but instead winced and whimpered, withdrawing his hands immediately. He couldn't even... take a glass of water; couldn't bend or flex his hands without risk of making the deeper wounds bleed again. He should have known that, considering that Fuuma had once shoved a sword and a glass shard all the way through his hands, but... well, he'd mostly been unconscious for that. Or had the Seals tending to him. "Sorry, I..."

He looked away now, face flushed in annoyance of his own inadequacy. "I can't."

Jowy wanted to reach out, to touch Kamui's hands, but refrained from it. Later, he told himself, he would look to see the sheer extent of the damage on Kamui's hands. For now, he couldn't afford to show Kamui his anger. Kamui didn't need that. He took the glass in his hand. "I'll help you, here-"

So kind, even after...

"Mmn," he nodded and took a sip, feeling rather pathetic and worthless at the moment. He didn't like that people were always having to care for him because of his own foolish moves. Because he couldn't do anything when he should have. He should have stayed away from Fuuma, or at least fought while his twinstar was hurting him, but... never. Neither of those ever happened.

"I..." Once he had his current fill of water, he turned away again before eyes naturally wandered to his hands once more. "I'm sorry. This is... my fault."

It might have been Kamui's fault, but ultimately, it was Fuuma who injured him so. Jowy couldn't fault Kamui for his actions, especially when his lover - it still sounded odd in his mind - had ended up in such a bad shape. Kamui wouldn't be able to use his hands for a while and it hurt to see him helpless.

"I don't care if it was your fault or not," Jowy assured him. He put the glass back on the tray and gently placed his other hand on Kamui's. "I don't care at all." It was Fuuma to blame.

Kamui looked up to him, eyes showing his heartbreak. "You should be mad at me, though." Definitely not being so sweet and gentle as he was being now; hand touching Kamui's injured one so softly to make sure as to not cause pain. Not that.. that mattered, really; not when the two wards on his hand -Kamui and Sakurazukamori- randomly would clash and bring that extreme pain back.

"I went because..." he had to. Even though he knew Fuuma wasn't Fuuma anymore, there was still that connection. "Jowy, this is why I wish you and Riou wouldn't fight. I don't want one of you to end up like me." Head down, hair covering the tears in his eyes, body trembling slightly. "I don't want either of you to be screwed up like me!"

"Kamui..." Jowy took one of Kamui's hands and pressed his lips into the bandages. He sighed into them and frowned slightly. "If Riou had come to me during the war, I couldn't have killed him personally, but I would have let others do the deed for me. I don't understand... why you would have hoped so much, enough to meet him again." And though deep down, Jowy felt betrayed, he said nothing of it. He just had to tell himself, it was all Fuuma at fault. No one else.

"Because I..." there was a hiccup, Kamui starting to cry, even though he was trying to stop himself. So much for his 'I won't cry anymore' promise to Kotori and the others. "Because I'm the one who made him this way. My choice... my choice changed him. He was always so sweet... I could trust him more than anyone." Kamui was starting to curl into himself, guilt always coming out in times like this; it was just... this was the first time he'd ever let it come out to another person. Not even Subaru had seen him quite like this.

"I just want my best friend back..." he sounded pathetic; he knew he did, "but that will never happen because of what I did to him. I deserve all the pain he causes me..."

"You don't deserve pain, Kamui." The blond gently pulled Kamui into a hug, careful not to jostle the brunet's injured hands. He said nothing about all else Kamui had said, not wishing to draw parallels, to compare himself with Fuuma anymore. He couldn't compare. "Shh... Kamui. Don't cry anymore."

"But..." Jowy's warmth was comforting, and even knowing this was Kamui's doing and that the boy obviously still cared for Fuuma, he was still... being so loving with him. It was hard not to calm down a bit. "I'm sorry you have to put up with his. Put up with me. It must be hard." Kamui knew he wasn't the easiest of people to deal with.

"Everyone can be difficult. I care for you that's why this isn't hard at all." Seeing and feeling Kamui ease a bit made it easier for Jowy to calm himself down. It did bother him, perhaps more than slightly, that Kamui felt so very strongly for Fuuma and held such high hopes for him. Certainly, matters between Riou and him were no longer so. Was it because Kamui felt something beyond friendship? Beyond anything Jowy had felt for Riou? He tried not to think of that and concentrated on the fact that Kamui was finally calming down.

Kamui calmed incredibly at that. Jowy was willing to put up with all this because he cared for him. That was love, wasn't it? Putting up with each other's quirks, staying close even despite it all. Kamui still felt bad about Fuuma, would be thinking of him from time to time, but... he wasn't alone in the world. He had Jowy to get him through all this.

"Thank you," he whispered, nuzzling into the other, closing his eyes and just breathing. Long, deep, such a familiar smell; comforting. "I don't know what I would do without you." Aside from crack.

"And you won't know, because I'm here, right?" A part of Jowy did know, somewhat, what would happen to Kamui. He hated thinking about it, but wasn't it true? If he weren't here Kamui would break, or be used and taken advantage of by either Fuuma or Seishirou.

Was it right to think like that?

He would answer that for himself later. For now, there was Kamui. And the matter of Fuuma.

That got a bit of a true smile from Kamui, the smaller boy pulling back just a little to reposition. "You are." He wrapped his arms around Jowy's neck, being careful not to bump or move his hands in the process, face pressing to Jowy's neck as he scooted as close as he could. "And I want you to stay." There was a moment of silence again, Kamui comfortable in where he was, calm.

"Jowy, can I keep you?"

It brought a small smile to Jowy's face and briefly, all the doubt disappeared. "If you want me, you can keep me, I'll stay for you." Though hesitant at first and worried of hurting Kamui, Jowy eventually placed his hands on Kamui's back, pulling the other gently closer.

Surely Jowy could feel the smile spreading against him, Kamui more than happy with that answer. Sure, he knew that things could happen that would rip them apart, but... Jowy wanted to stay. He would try to stay with Kamui. "I'm glad." He scooted even closer, finding himself curled up in Jowy's lap suddenly, but that... well, it wasn't exactly a surprise. Tended to end up there a lot?

Kamui was finally better; not wholly better, but better nevertheless. It was good to know and Jowy smile became that of relief. Genuine relief. If both of them tried to stay together, then they had a fighting chance. "Kamui, I can keep you too, can't I?" he asked, even if he didn't need the confirmation. Kamui had asked, hadn't he? This time, he asked it for Kamui.

"Of course," he said softly without hestitation, "Because I like Jowy best." Even though...

Well, things were getting harder. He was drawn to so many people who were here now, Fuuma and Seishirou especially (not to mention he couldn't help but love Subaru), but... upsetting Jowy wasn't something he wanted to do. He did want to stay with him, even though he couldn't help but be attracted to those others. Maybe that was normal? It wasn't as if he was planning to cheat on his lover anytime soon.

A part of Jowy told himself the second part of Kamui's statement wasn't quite true but it was for the best to ignore that, for now, and so Jowy did.

"I'm glad, too," he said, closing his eyes as he held Kamui a bit more tighter.

Comfortable, so comfortable; at least... it was for a while, until...

They were starting to conflict again, the two types of magic bound to his skin; the ripping and burning coming back full-force. "A-ah!" And he found himself pushing away from Jowy, as if to somehow protect and distance the other from his own horrid pain, body curling in on itself. "It..." Was this his punishment for his sins? A pain that he would have to live with off and on until he died? Or was there a way to fix this; balance the wards?

"Mmn~" he whimpered, hands gripping each other until they bled again, body shaking as the pain started to make him pant. Make it stop, make it stop...

That pain; it couldn't have been from the flesh wound only. What had happened? Beyond the damage? Seishirou's marks, from what he had seen, was more cosmetic, it seemed. A physical flaunting of ownership. It looked like Fuuma had done something.

Jowy forcibly took Kamui's hand in his, separating them to make sure the brunet didn't hurt himself any more. "Kamui, what happened?" he asked in careful tone. In his right hand, the Black Sword Rune hummed and came to life, reacting with something. Magic? "There's something more, isn't there, in your hands? Tell me, Kamui. Please."

"Wards," Kamui managed to whimper out, trying not to grasp and squeeze Jowy's hands. "Two." More panting, but he could tell that things were starting to ebb now; the acts extremely painful but thankfully brief.

"Mn..." He laid back down, the pain gone enough to uncurl, but leaving him with a sheen of sweat. "Seishirou and Fuuma's..." He looked to Jowy, breathing hard, face slightly red as if he had a fever. "They conflict, and this... the pain... is what happens when they do. Seishirou's magic is stronger, though..."

Jowy touched Kamui's face with his left hand, worried by how sick Kamui was looking. He kept his right hand on one of Kamui's. "This can happen... anytime?" he asked quietly.

Kamui nodded, body calming, and ugh, now he felt almost exhausted. "They can happen for no reason, anytime, but..." A deep breath to calm what was left of his shaking, "They're worse when I go remotely near anything related to Fuuma or Seishirou. Places they spend a lot of time, anything..."

"We'll make sure you stay away from those places," Jowy assured Kamui. Inside, he wondered if he could force the two powers into a balance until he found a way to rid Kamui of it. Suppressing it completely was a good goal too though he held Kamui's comfort first priority.

"But that..." Kamui sighed, looking to his free hand, holding it above his face. Blood; it would need to be rebandaged. The other one too, most likely. "I might as well be a shut-in. I guess I'll just have to deal with the pain."

"I promise you that you won't have to deal with this pain for long," Jowy said solemnly. "I'll change your bandages first..."

"I won't...?" Kamui looked to Jowy then, an almost pained-hopeful expression present in his features. What could Jowy possibly do? He wasn't a Kamui, nor was he a Sakurazukamori. He couldn't... could he?

But that was for later consideration, rebandaging his injured hands more of a priority. "O-okay." He set his hands out for Jowy to take when ready, eyebrows furrowed in worry over what would be his lover's reaction upon seeing the deep, long gashes over Seishirou's marks; all the small, shallow cuts elsewhere. The shallow cuts weren't an issue, but... the deep ones would obviously scar. As if he didn't have enough of those already.

Jowy kept himself from wincing and tried to keep a straight face as he slowly unwrapped the bandages on Kamui's hands, revealing the deep wounds that would obviously scar. Luckily for him, his time under Luca Blight's service had made desensitized him to the sight of blood and gore, even made it easier to control the expressions he showed, but knowing how much this hurt Kamui still affected him.

Gently, as he held both hands on his left hand, he touched the wounds with his right hand. He stared at them for a while, studying the damage, and feeling the magic with his rune. This was nowhere on the level of the Beast Rune, he was sure, or a True Rune. A little comfort; that was all he would be asking. He had not the necessary skills to remove the ghastly scars and all trace of foreign magic from it but he could try suppressing it by imposing the power of the Black Sword on the opposing magics.

"Stay here, I'll get the fresh bandages and other things." He gave Kamui a kiss on the forehead and then left. When he returned, he proceeded to carefully re-bandage Kamui's hands in silence.

Kamui gave him a small smile with the sweet kiss on the forehead, always appreciative of such gestures. He liked the affection; just the simple things that made this more of... the kind of loving relationship you always saw on TV, but never thought was possible.

"Ah," a small nod, and then he was still, watching Jowy as he bandaged, trying not to wince when the wounds decided they were being moved wrong. "Th-thank you... for doing this." He leaned forward and gave Jowy a gentle kiss on the cheek. "I love you."

A smile. Jowy pressed his lips onto Kamui's hands briefly and echoed Kamui's words.

"I love you too."

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