Log; Complete - Is it truly darkest before the dawn?

[cry-reaper.livejournal.com]

When; September 7th, Afternoon
Rating; PG-13
Characters; Mara Lesser cry_reaper, James T. Kirk starfleet_pimp
Summary; Mara's in jail for trying to kill Kirk's girl. Obviously this is something they need to talk about.
Log;

She was being treated well, all things considered, but that didn't change what she felt. The guilt, the shame, the embarrassment. She was a Reaper. A fully trained Reaper of the Order and here she was arrested for attempted murder. She used to have control, she used to have authority, what had happened to her? She was breaking and she couldn't stop it.

Everyone kept asking, why? Why would she do that? How could she do that? And the honest answer was she didn't know anymore. The anger, the fear, it was all wound so tightly and she couldn't separate it anymore. Had she really lost control or was that just her own guilt trying to make her feel better? Had she really wanted Shalimar dead?

She huddled in the corner of her cell, arms around her knees, and tried to stop the gnawing uncertainty in her gut.

Had she really become the murderer that people seemed to think she was?

Comments

[cry-reaper.livejournal.com]

"The problem is James..." Mara took a deep breath and ran her hands though her hair again. "I can't do it around all of you. I can't find my footing with all of you pushing at me to be something I don't know I can be."

[starfleet-pimp.livejournal.com]

"I can't speak for the others, but I'm not pushing you to be perfect," he told her, moving closer to the bars. "I just want to help you believe in yourself like I think you're capable of."

[cry-reaper.livejournal.com]

As he moved closer, Mara shrank a little further into herself. "I can't... I know you don't want perfection, but I can't even figure out what I want with all this...noise."

[starfleet-pimp.livejournal.com]

When he saw her reaction to his moving forward, he stepped back again. He didn't want to make her uncomfortable with his presence.

"Sounds like you need to get away then," he said.

[cry-reaper.livejournal.com]

Her voice dropped to just above a whisper. "I think maybe I do."

[starfleet-pimp.livejournal.com]

"So then what are you going to do?" he asked her, somewhat surprised by her answer. It was the first time he had heard her really say that she knew what to do about a situation.

[cry-reaper.livejournal.com]

"I... don't know yet."

It wasn't completely a lie, she had a good idea what she should do but she didn't know if she was strong enough to actually go through with it. And the idea that he might try and talk her out of it was too tempting to entertain.

[starfleet-pimp.livejournal.com]

"I'll make sure they let you out of here soon," Kirk told her, letting the subject drop for now.

"Because you won't be getting away while you're in here."

[cry-reaper.livejournal.com]

Mara let out a bitter laugh at the unintentional joke and the situation in general. Of course he would get her out, that's what he does, takes care of people. Shalimar, her, just like Thomas had and Zack, all she has to do is just sit back and let him.

[starfleet-pimp.livejournal.com]

At the laugh, Kirk couldn't help but raise and eyebrow. He wasn't quite sure what he had said that was funny.

"Why the laugh?" he asked.

[cry-reaper.livejournal.com]

"Of course I won't get away while I'm in here - it's more or less the nature of the place, James."

[starfleet-pimp.livejournal.com]

"I'll make sure that they know that no charges are being brought against you," Kirk said, adding somewhat bitterly, "Even though none ever were."

[cry-reaper.livejournal.com]

The small smile faded a bit. "I know you will James, you always take care of me."

And Gods, she was going to miss that. Miss him.

[starfleet-pimp.livejournal.com]

Turning to leave, Kirk paused and turned back to her. Reaching into his jacket, he pulled out a book.

"Here," he said. "I brought this for you."

[cry-reaper.livejournal.com]

Mara took the book, but didn't read the jacket. "What is it?"

[starfleet-pimp.livejournal.com]

"Hamlet," he told her. "It's a famous play by the greatest playwright in the history of Earth."

[cry-reaper.livejournal.com]

"Think I'll like it?"

[starfleet-pimp.livejournal.com]

"I don't know," was his honest answer. "It's as depressing as hell, to be honest. But the theme is good."

[cry-reaper.livejournal.com]

"Thank you, I'll be sure to read it."

Mara set the slender on the book on the bed, still not really looking at James.

"But I'd like you to leave now." She said softly.

[starfleet-pimp.livejournal.com]

Kirk raised an eyebrow at the request for him to leave, but the fact that she was actually being slightly forceful impressed him.

"Alright," he said as he turned to leave. "Take care."

[cry-reaper.livejournal.com]

Resting her head back on her knees, she whispered, more to herself than anyone else, "I'll try."