Log; Ongoing

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

When; Afternoon after the war // At the hospital
Rating; PG
Characters; Inara Serra only_fell and theshockvalue
Summary; Inara visits Brennan in the hospital
Log;

After speaking to Brennan, Inara retrieved the requested double vanilla latte and a Chai latte for herself. It wasn't hard to find Brennan's room number once she was at the hospital. She took the elevator up, carrying the lattes and walked down the hall, poking her head into his room.

"Your coffee has arrived, Sir," she said in a cheerful tone as she stepped inside. "How are you feeling?" she asked, handing him the latte and take a seat in the chair next to his bed.

Comments

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

Inara nodded, maintaining the silence for a moment. "Then I can understand the desire to stay here."

[theshockvalue.livejournal.com]

"I'd rather not talk about it?" He looked away bashfully. "So, which do you prefer?"

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

And Inara doesn't usually push when people don't want to discuss something. Instead she takes the subject change and goes with it.

"My world. It's safer," she answered quietly.

Safe had many meanings in this case with her. Besides, in her world she had medicine this world didn't have; medicine that would have prolonged her life many, many years.

"However, I am becoming attached to my friends here. I would miss everyone here desperately if I left."

[theshockvalue.livejournal.com]

He smiled a slightly sad smile. "Well, if your world's safer, then I hope you get to go home. You won't remember us when you leave." It was supposed to sound comforting. It just sounded mournful.

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

His words bring about a silence for a moment before Inara continues with the conversation.

"And that makes me uncertain that I'd like to leave. I suppose that is the problem with attachments. They begin to feel like family and then you don't ever want to leave. Eventually someone ends up hurt because everyone has to leave at some point."

[theshockvalue.livejournal.com]

That brought up an interesting point. "So, do you try to distance yourself, because you know people have to leave?"

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

Inara took a little while answering that. She knew the answer. It was simply a matter of how truthful she wanted to be. She took a sip of her tea and pressed her lips together before answering.

"I try to never get so attached that I cannot bear to leave. In turn, I try to make certain no one gets so attached to me that they would be crushed by my leaving."

[theshockvalue.livejournal.com]

He looked down, slightly sad, but it figured. "Oh. Right. That makes sense."

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

[The look he gets makes Inara furrow her brow a bit. She forces a soft smile and reaches out to place a hand on Brennan's good arm]

That doesn't mean I won't have dear friends here.

[She was good at maintaining a distance and fostering at least something that resembled a close relationship. Of course it was an illusion but sometimes Inara thought those were better. The truth, in her experience, usually hurt]

[theshockvalue.livejournal.com]

[He did his best to pull away from her touch. It didn't work very well.]

Dear friends hurt a lot when they leave.

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

[Inara bites her bottom lip and nods withdrawing her hand]

I suppose you are right. I made that mistake once, Brennan. It's not only for my sake that I attempt to maintain a distance.

[theshockvalue.livejournal.com]

[He scoffs bitterly]

Yeah, I get that. Where I come from, if I distanced myself from everyone just because we might die, which we could, I'd live my whole life alone. I grew up that way. I can't live like that anymore.

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

So you would rather hurt people you care about then live in solitude?

[It's an honest question. Inara has struggled with this concept since she left Serenity]

[theshockvalue.livejournal.com]

[He shook his head.]

I'd rather make memories for them and me instead of wasting time trying not to.

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

Those memories are only going to hurt them in the end. If you don't get attached, if you don't have fond memories then the leaving is little more than a sting.

[theshockvalue.livejournal.com]

All we are is memories, Inara.

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

I don't particularly disagree but you can be remembered without embroiling people in memories that are going to hurt them.

[theshockvalue.livejournal.com]

Pain's part of life, too.

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

Perhaps but losing someone you love shouldn't be. Not if it can be prevented.

[theshockvalue.livejournal.com]

I think we'll just have to agree to disagree.

[He looked away.]

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

I suppose so.

[She pauses, feeling a bit badly for turning the visit into this]

Brennan, it isn't the right move for everyone. I--

[She stops because there's no way to explain to him without revealing more than she wants to]

I think it's the right choice for me. [She's admittedly having misgivings about that right now]

I got close once and it made everything difficult. And that was before I left.

[theshockvalue.livejournal.com]

You can't choose feelings. They don't have anything to do with thoughts.

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

No, they don't. You can only choose to remove yourself from the situation.

[theshockvalue.livejournal.com]

So, is that what you're doing?

[only-fell.livejournal.com]

I'm visiting you in the hospital. It's the sort of thing a friend does. At least I thought it was.

[She pauses, considering her words carefully for a moment]

I like you, Brennan. I consider you a friend and if I were to leave or you were to leave, I would mourn that but it wouldn't destroy me. I thought you were on the same sort of wave length.