I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away

[chakotay]

When; January 4th
Rating; PG for now
Characters; Chakotay chakotay & Kathryn Janeway directives
Summary; Voyager's command team deals with the mistletoe curse... a long time later
Log;


He'd meant to stop by earlier, a day or so ago, but with things going the way they'd been, he hadn't had a chance. He'd intended to give her a few days to cool off, so she wouldn't greet his face with a burst of embarrassment disguised as professionalism. Well, he's wearing his uniform only today, as a sign that he's not taking anything that happened between them under the mistletoe too seriously. Cold it might be, but the symbol of strength he needs to show now is more important. Hallucination or not, that wolf had been right about some things. He and Kathryn needed to remain a team. Whatever happens with their personal lives needs to be set aside in the face of a situation their command relationship needs to take care of. And everything involving the City falls under that category. At least for now.

So that's why he's entering the labs now and looking around for her. He'd picked up a small pocketwatch on a chain, something that could sit in a pocket or be tied on a belt loop and not be in her way but would still provide a better and easier way to tell time than constantly looking around for a clock. And it could, hopefully, be a symbol of the time they'll have to get their relationship back on track. Their command relationship, at least. He'll always be there for her, through time and beyond. She will never again be alone.

Comments

[chakotay]

It had been a very close thing and Chakotay had honestly needed a lot of time to recover. The odd thing about all of this was that it had given him a reason to let go. He never would have imagined that getting a small taste of her like that would have made him more willing to give her up, but that was exactly what had happened. Knowing where she stood emotionally and professionally meant that he was more than capable of stepping back and looking at what had happened with more clarity than he would have liked to admit he could.

And, okay, part of that had come from his drunken conversation with the wolf hallucination, but it had only strengthened what he had come to realize anyway. In order for him to be the support she absolutely needed, the pillar of strength he wanted to be for her, he had to let go of the small hope he'd been clinging to that they could be anything other than what they were. Her reaction to the kiss had told him they never would be anything else.

"Sounds like a good change," he answers. "Care to have help or is this one of those projects you'd rather do on your own?"

He's smiling again, offering her an expression free of worry, of fear, of anything other than what he always gives her when they're both in good enough moods to dictate it: respect and friendship. He's her First Officer, but he also wants to be her friend. That's how they've always worked together and he doesn't want that to change.

[directives]

She stood, and were she any other woman, she likely would've winced at how sore she was, but this was nothing compared to the physical consequences that came with manually launching a torpedo. And she didn't want to give Chakotay any sign that something was amiss, because he was likely to ask and she didn't want to lie to him. It was best if he simply didn't know — what had happened the night before was her personal business to share with others when and if she wanted to. She wasn't ashamed of her decision, but at the same time wanted to avoid hurting Chakotay's feelings again. She was done unintentionally hurting him and damaging their professional relationship — and their friendship.

"Something tells me I could use your organization skills." Kathryn laughed, because her notes really were everywhere. Just like her PADDs ended up on her desk if she were left alone with them for too long or deep into some new project or mission she was obsessing over.

[chakotay]

Chakotay laughed lightly in return, feeling a lot of the tension between them the last few days ease. "Then put me to work, Captain. I'm overdue for my duty shifts as it is."

He really was overdue to be working on something in here. He'd been avoiding everyone and everything for the last few days, so to be put to work in any capacity would be nice, but especially if she would. Then he would know for sure, even more than the laughing and gentle teasing, that their relationship was back on track.

[directives]

Backing away from the desk, she gestured to it and the seat she once occupied. He was good at organizing, and he was welcome to try and make sense of the mess she'd made of her notes, theories, diagrams, and formulas, some of them printed, others handwritten. She hasn't gotten this much exercise out of those handwriting classes in grade school in ages, but the written word is often easier to pen than type when jotting down notations on the technology available in this century. And right now, getting the transporter to work supersedes doing something about all this outdated hardware.

"Be my guest." Kathryn plucked her laptop off the desk, carrying it over to one of the counters.

[chakotay]

He took the offered seat and got right to work. This would give them both something to focus on, something to do that was similar to their lives on Voyager to feel more natural than that incident or the stupid fight they'd had previously, months ago. It might take him quite a while to work out a way to organize it all, but he was willing to work on it for a long while.

"Something tells me you might want to invest in a good secretary someday."

[directives]

"Looking for another job? We could get you a desk just outside my ready room, have all my hails sent to you first."

Joking, teasing, laughing — she missed this, the ease of conversation between the two of them. Especially his friendship. She was so afraid that she'd lost it when the mistletoe forced her to kiss him, to cross that invisible line she couldn't cross and gave him a taste of something he might never have. That cruel twist of cursed fate almost took him from her, and she's thankful for the opportunity to overcome that obstacle and keep him at her side.

[chakotay]

In a twist of irony, the one thing he'd wanted most of all had been the one thing he'd needed to let go. And let go he had. Somehow the whole incident had allowed him to look at it from a different angle and now he's just enjoying their friendship, an entirely platonic one, and hopefully their command relationship won't suffer for it, either.

"Does that mean I get an official position as your liaison?" Because everyone knew he was the buffer between her and everyone else when she got too worked up. "If I do become your secretary, you'll need to find a replacement for your First Officer and I don't think you'll want to hold auditions in the middle of the Delta Quadrant. Next thing you know, Neelix will jump for the job." And as much as Neelix has become an integral part of their crew, no one wants him in a real command position. He doesn't have the training or the understanding of Starfleet rules and regulations to play the part in a way as unbiased as it often requires.

[directives]

"I think Naomi Wildman's up for a promotion. Commander Wildman has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

The little girl was oddly more capable of doing that job than Neelix, but the Talaaxian was better suited to the various roles he was already playing aboard their ship. He was irreplaceable, valuable in ways she was certain she hadn't made fully clear to him before. It was something to add to her to do list when they got back to Voyager, if they remembered the experience of being here.

[chakotay]

Chakotay turns over a piece of paper and continues his work as easily as he answers her banter with his own. "If you can get her away from Flotter and Trevis long enough."

He's completely joking about that. If anyone even suggested more duties to the little girl, she would be very happy to carry them out. She's always wanted things to do, a place on the ship, and to feel useful. Neelix is useful enough where he is, in a perfect position for his skillset and no one would change it.

[directives]

"Worse comes to worse, we could always reprogram the Doctor or add to his preexisting subroutines. He has expressed an interest in command."

Though they both know there's only so much of the EMH sitting in the chair to her left that she'd be able to take before she banished him back to sickbay.

[chakotay]

So Chakotay has to grin at that visual. His bet is that would last all of half an hour before she got fed up with him. Where's Tom when he needs a good betting pool?

"If you do that, I have a feeling half of the alpha shift bridge crew will be defecting to beta or gamma."

[directives]

"Well, yes, but see — that approval has to go through me. And if I'm suffering, they're suffering with me."

She's kidding, of course. But if someone was better suited to alpha shift, they were damned well staying on it unless they gave her a good reason for the move. And being annoyed by the Doctor is hardly a reason. If it were, Tom would've wormed his way out of his sickbay duties years ago.

[chakotay]

"What if you're in your ready room with your secretary, working on the latest issue? Though if that happened, we'd be leaving him in charge of the bridge." He pauses, as though he's seriously considering the logistics of this. "I know. We could send the Captain's Assistant to babysit him. As part of her new set of duties, she could take him off the bridge and walk around to inspect the ship for us. Gets him out of our hair for a few hours and keeps him busy for the next few days."